Here’s another over-the-shoulder read. I got a wonderful email today and know many others with similar questions who might appreciate a bit of our dialog:

Since I have been a Christian I have followed the leadership of my pastorfriend. He has served as my mentor for over a decade, but int the last couple years our relationship has become strained. I have four kids and feel that I need to direct more of my time at home and he sees this as a segmentation of my life. Here’s what I mean… At the start of this year I served as a board member, youth leader, went to men’s group, setup for sunday mornings, sound manav coordinator guy, had to attend Learning to Lead (LTL) meetings every month as well as board meetings, youth meetings etc and at the same time we were planning a mission trip which required more meetings. And that was just church life… I also have a full time job along with continuing education courses. Things came to a head over the last Super Bowl. He wanted to have an LTL that night and I wanted to watch the game. He wanted to change the date and I said go for it, just leave Saturday’s alone. It was the only day that didn’t require me going to work or church…it was GOLD. He accused me of segregating my life and went on this big spiel that we don’t really understand what it means to follow Christ.

Now, I do disagree with him and I let him know. Things didn’t get any better at all and I ended up resigning from the board and leadership as a whole.. now I’m only doing Youth, Mens group and setup. I love this, I love how it feels, I feel free… my relationship with God is better, I have very little stress now except with my pastor still. I want to rid my self of religion, I want a close personal relationship with God – I want to draw closer to him – but I seem to have been programmed by my pastor friend here, he trained me, mentored me and now I want to change but I am still at his church and still fall under his leadership. How does a person move forward?

You’re in a very common situation, even though it can be quite disorienting. What do you do when God is leading you differently than the one who has helped ‘mentor’ you wants you to go? Isn’t it sad how easily personal friendships and even mentoring relationships are put at risk just by our desire to simplify our lives and follow Jesus? That’s what religion does to our free life in him. I would hope your friend/pastor would be excited by that and free you to do as you think God is asking you to do, but I also know that is very rare.

Pastoral types, (and remember I was one once) have a hard time seeing past their vision for the institution and thinking everyone should ‘give their lives’ to it as much as they do. He obviously sees value in you and what you do and may even feel he’s made an investment out of which he has the right to expect a return. I’ve been there with people, too, and you end up hurting the people you care most about. He seems threatened by losing your gifts in the congregation and instead of being honest about that, he turns it into an accusation against you.

Personally, I like the sounds of what Father is doing in you. It sounds like he is bringing added grace into your life and with it added space. I think one of the things that religion does is that it makes us so busy we don’t have time for him, or those closest to us. Now you have a choice: to live to him or the expectations of your friend. That’s the most difficult choice in this kingdom, especially when he can’t understand what God is doing in you and we care about them so much.

So, don’t be too hard on your friend. Maybe you could have a conversation with him some day like, “Listen, I know you’re having a hard time with some decisions I’m making right now. I can appreciate that since I’m not as available as I used to be. Even I’m not one hundred percent sure I’m right either, but as a dear friend of mine I would hope you would encourage me to follow what I sincerely believe God is asking me to do. I hope you can give me the space to do that because your continued accusations and disappointments will tear apart this relationship. I want you to be free to do what God asks of you, and I hope you can extend me the same freedom.â€

Of course that could turn into a huge conversation, but you can still love him, be gentle with him and follow-through on the things God has put on your heart. If he can free you to that the friendship will survive. If he can’t love you without controlling you, you might be wise to take some distance for a time. This is a good reminder for everyone who helps others grow in Christ. That is not a life-time assignment. Help others learn to follow him and then let them go and do it, even if they make some mistakes in the process. We all do, after all!

I’m only feeding back to you off of what you said, and obviously don’t have his side of it. But I know how threatening freedom can be to those who have a system to run and need a never-ending supply of warm bodies to fill the holes…

Got this from a friend in an email last week:

I’m leading a devotion today in our all church staff meeting titled “commitment and discipline is what we do when we are no longer in love.†I think you would like it.

I think I would to. The title’s awesome and so profound. When love begins to wane, I think our first choice might be to rekindle the love, not knuckle down on the commitment or discipline. While that may be a short cut to better behavior for a season, it will not of itself lead to lasting change or fruitfulness in his kingdom.

I got this email a few months ago from someone I met in England during my last trip there in late March. I have wanted to share his letter here for some time, because it is so full of life and freedom. I hope other people’s stories like this are as encouraging to some of you as they are to me. I know it isn’t easy to re-think this life away from all the religious rituals and rules many of us are schooled in, but Jesus is up to the challenge…

Here’s a bit of Eddie’s story:

I have been wanting to drop you and Brad a line and now at the backend of a busy and blessed week I have snatched some time in the office to get this out to you. Let me start by saying that the podcast CD I picked up when you were here with us is blessing us so much. I also thank God for the fact that this little island has such busy roads, it means that each day, as I commute between clients, I am able to have at least an hour listening to “the on going conversation”. Some may think that an hour a day alone with the two of you in a car in traffic is more than the human mind can take, it may be, but the spirit is thriving in the revelation and the joy of hearing so many real stories and testimonies and clear articulation.

Over the last few weeks the inside of my car has seen tears, laughter and heard many an “AMEN TO THAT”. It has also heard many an “OUCH” as the truth and openness of the discussions have touched heart and spirit, Oh! and the flesh has taken a beating as well. I have had to stop on the road to throw out the bodies of all the sacred cows that have been slaughtered. It has been very intense listening to all the material in such a short space of time. Submitting one’s self to microwave ministry of this type in a confined space is guaranteed to destroy religious tumors real fast. Let me just add that Father has used you and Brad, and the others on this journey and in the podcasts. Father has used this as an instrument to engineer some major changes in me, my family and other we have contact with. Many thanks for the openness and honesty (can’t emphasis that enough), which the podcasts have as their fabric, it’s so refreshing and transforming and dare I say entertaining. The mind is being renewed and the transformation is taking place.

We still have contact with many of the folk and are seeking to help them understand our journey as and when they ask. I have come to understand that I have to let Father open the doors to and for those conversations, only those who have ears for the message will hear and I just never know who they are. I am content to just get on with the business of walking simply, daily with Jesus. I seem to be getting better at it with all the clutter, clamor and obligation out of the way. I am trusting that the peace, joy and clarity, which the transformation is bringing, will be the catalyst for conversations with others.

Let me run and get my chores sorted for the day. Just wanted to stop by and say hi, thanks and keep the conversation “on-going”, it is without doubt a >â€Life Stream”. Why? Because it comes from Fathers heart.

Yesterday was NOT the day to fly. When I arrived at LAX the security line was over half a mile long. No one was allowed to take any liquid or gels through security. Even bottled water purchased inside secure areas of the airport couldn’t be brought on board. My flight was 25 minutes late leaving Los Angeles and I only had a 26-minute layover in Las Vegas before connecting to Minneapolis.

Fortunately my flight from there was delayed as well because the security lines in Vegas were taking people an hour and a half to get through. So I made my connection with about 10 minutes to spare. Amazingly my bags did as well. I was pretty sure they wouldn’t make it, but they came spilling off the baggage conveyor to my absolute surprise. Sometimes the airlines really get it right…

This is my first time in the Minneapolis area, so I’m having a ball meeting a whole new group of folks at various stages of the journey. Many have been on my websites for months and have been reading some of my books, so this should be interesting.

A couple of things are weighing heavy on my heart these days. Recently I’ve heard from a couple of dear people who are abandoning God in their disillusionment over the failures of religion. I guess that’s why I hate the forms of religion so much. Some people will have served the forms for so long believing them to be God, that when religion finally fails them in a critical area (as it always does), they won’t be able to separate the reality of God from the falseness of religion. Tragic!

I’ve also heard from others who have worked religion pretty well on the outside, only to see them crash onto their own brokenness, with hidden addictions that finally ravage their life and devastate their family. While I’m always glad when such things come to light, I am always saddened by how much effort they put into working a system that only betrays them in the end. I hate that too! If we do not introduce people to the life that is in Jesus, they will only weather religion for so long, and then it will collapse on them. Hopefully they will see God beyond it.

That’s my prayer. I hope these moments are just the middle of chapter, where God has yet to complete what he has set out to do in them.

Nadia, a reader in Russia, is translating So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore into Russian and we will be posting chapters on our website as she makes progress. If you know readers who speak Russian, you are welcome to forward the link on to them. The first chapter is up and others will follow as they are completed. For those reading it in Russian, if you have an editing suggestions, please send them to us and we’ll forward them on to the translator. Nadia is doing this as a labor of love.

On a side note, we will also be posting soon a complete French translation. Also a German publisher, Glory World, is translating Jake’s book into German and will be publishing it in book form at a date to be announced.

I love what Jesus does to transform people from the onerous burden of religious obligation, with its requisite demands for performance and overwhelming guilt. I got this email the other day from a mother who was part of a time I had with a group of believers this summer. The ‘bit about the cross’ that she refers to was the teaching of the cross that is very similar to our Transition series. This is the freedom that he wants us all to find in him. I’m so blessed at what this woman took to heart and how God is working it into her.

That bit about the cross, so simple really, but so hidden and so huge. The week before I left for (my time with you) I was talking to my husband about going on Prozac again. I was sick of battling all the shame, bitterness, and hurtful thoughts. I’d prayed prayers of confession and forgiveness. I’d rebuked everything I could rebuke. It seems like in an instant all of that chatter was finally quiet. For the days following my simple life of mothering tasks had new color.

I’ve had some bouts of anxiety too. Not tied to anything specific. I think I’m trying to learn to skate away from the wall and I’m afraid I’ll fall. God asked me to quit my job and to spend a Sabbatical year with Him. My good husband is behind this year completely. It’s the first year of my life as long as I can remember without an agenda. Wayne, I think I’m still afraid I’ll screw it up!! Lord I believe help my unbelief.

I assured her she would screw it up at some point. We all do. The joy comes in knowing we can’t screw it up so badly that he can’t make himself known in it and use it for his glory anyway…

I was with a group of believers not long ago in a time of song and praise, and I noticed something curious during one song. I didn’t know the song but in one of the verses there were two lines about things that need to die. The first said something like “where religion dies.†Every time we sang that line it got great cheers and whooping from the crowd.

The next line was about our pride dying as well. It didn’t get the same cheers. In fact, it didn’t get any. Interesting… It’s easy to want religion to die. It is outside of us and doesn’t cost us anything. Pride is inside of us and we all know what that might cost us when it dies. I get it, but it made me sad nonetheless. In fact I mentioned it to them a bit later when I spoke. Why don’t we bring the same passion to God’s work transforming us from the inside as we do the work he needs to do on the outside?

That may be why so many people who have seen through the bondages of religious systems hve yet to find great freedom and life beyond it. It is easy to cheer for the destruction of things that have hurt us. I get emails like that all the time, cheering on things I’ve written about the ineffectiveness of religion. Some of those I know who call out the loudest for the destruction of organized religion as we know it are sometimes the least transformed personally to reflect the compassion and character of God to people around them—especially to those still captive in the system.

Interestingly, I do not get the same cheers back from people when I talk about letting God rework us from the inside and what needs to die in us if we’re going to experience the fullness of his life. If we could only see that our pride and independence are even more destructive, especially because they live with us every day. Real transformation doesn’t happen out there in structures and systems, but first in those who are willing to let him transform them at the most broken places of their lives.

And if you’re not ready for that, then you’re just really not sure yet how much this awesome God loves you. Keep exploring that until finally your joy at his dealing with your pride is greater than your hope at him blowing up religion. Then we’ll know we are well on the path to his life!

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On a personal note, we are on the road this weekend in Central California and our office is closed until Wednesday. Books and CDs ordered this weekend won’t be shipped until then. I apologize for any inconvenience this causes…

I just got back from Kansas and a week with New Jerusalem Mission which is spearheading the conversion of a hospital into a care facility for the homeless and for those afflicted with HIV/AIDs. How this came to be is the an incredible story about a woman loving her ex-husband through his death with AIDs, that I told on the opening segment of a recent podcast. I also told her story in the book He Loves Me. That’s Penny Dugan in the picture leading some people through the hopsital. This work is a special grace by those thinking outside the box of organized religion, but also working alongside all kinds of Christians to provide a compassionate outreach for those who need it so much.

The cost of their operations and refurbishing the hospital are significant. I’m talking in the 100s of thousands of dollars. This is completely a faith venture on their part and you won’t believe what they’ve already accomplished just by doing every day what God puts before them. If any of you have some extra money that you’re looking to give to help extend the gospel in a dark corner of our world, please give this some consideration and prayer. If you know any groups looking for a week or a few days of a ‘missions project’ right here in the heartland of the U.S., consider this. And if you know of friends or foundations looking to give to projects like this, please let them know too.

Every gift is put into the work by people who come from all over the world at their own expense to work in this ministry. I don’t know of a project I could recommend more highly to you than this one. These are people thoroughly dispensing the gospel of grace to people often overlooked and outcast in our culture. So many of them over the years have come to their own personal faith as well.

This isn’t just a hospital for Kansas, but a national center to help care for those with HIV/AIDs with no where else to turn. And it isn’t just a ministry for the U.S. This team travels around the world to help encourage and equip others on the front lines of HIV/AIDs care. I was with them in South Africa last summer and some of them recently returned from China.

If you would like more information about their work, you can contact me and I will put you in touch with them. You can send contributions to Lifestream if you want, made out to “New Jerusalem Missions” and we will send them along. Unfortunately they do not have a website at the moment, but I can vouch for their integrity, passion and mission and they would love to be in touch with you if you want further information about their work or bringing a team to help in the refurbishing. You can find out more at their New Jerusalem Mission website.

We do things like this very rarely. I hope you don’t mind. Thanks for giving this your prayer and consideration.

Dallas Willard (The Divine Conspiracy) has been one of my favorite authors for some time. As a philosophy professor at USC, his view of God and his work in the world is breathtaking. I wouldn’t say we see everything in exactly the same way, but I always come away from reading his things greatly encouraged to live more deeply in Jesus, and having some excellent instructions on how to do that.

Admittedly some find his writings a bit too academic. That’s sad to me, because they are filled with such great life and wisdom. Recently I ran across an audio series of his at the Allelon website, that I hope everyone can benefit from. The title of the one I’ve listedn to is: Spiritual Formation in the Ways of Christ. This is good stuff on living a transformed life. Here are some of the things he said that I really appreciated:

We don’t build churches. We preach the kingdom, make disciples, bring them together in the presence of God and grow them and the church results.

The church: The people who have come to faith in Jesus Christ and are living together and dwelling with one another and allowing that mutual nurturing to happen….

What you really believe about Jesus Christ is shown by what you do after you learn you can’t do anything.

Spiritual formation is not learning to do the right things; it is becoming a different kind of person who will do different things. If you want to keep the law, don’t try to keep the law. Try to become the kind of person who would naturally keep the law.

If you want to hear the entire teaching, click here.