Weep with Those Who Weep

4 Comments / Struggle and Pain / March 23, 2023

Can you imagine what it would be like to be at your lowest moment and have someone safe enough to share your deepest hurts, doubts, and fears and have them listen carefully to hear your heart and hold your emotions soothingly and safely without the need to minimize your pain, fix your thinking, or even rush you through the struggle? They are simply fully present with you, sharing your pain, and occasionally offer a question or observation that will help magnify Jesus’s presence with you.

I don’t have to imagine. I’ve been fortunate to have people attuned to God’s heart and available to mine throughout my life. It is the rarest of gifts, to be sure, and a significant component in my life-long passion for knowing Jesus and walking with him. Father wants people like that covering the planet.

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about not burying our emotional pain but waiting until Jesus carves a way through it for us and how a friend can be helpful. When you learn to embrace God from inside your pain, you’ll be better equipped to hold others inside of theirs. I’ll admit it’s not easy to do; our pain-detection and avoidance systems kick in with hardly a thought whenever we or someone near us chokes up with tears. “Danger! Danger! Must stop tears!”

Almost everyone tries to stop them by apologizing or switching the subject as if tearing up is supposed to be embarrassing. How tragic! Uncontrolled tears are almost always evidence of where God’s Spirit is working in our hearts. It shows us the most sacred space where grief and pain dwell, and Father is working to win us into trust. If we run from our tears, we may well miss him, and avoiding the tears of others will leave them in the dark as well.

Most of us have always been better at “rejoicing with those who rejoice” rather than sincerely “weeping with those who weep.” We’re called to do both,

But once our pain avoidance system kicks in, we say the silliest things to people that deepen their pain rather than hold their hearts—

  • “Just trust Jesus; he will take care of it.”
  • “Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.”
  • “But they are in a better place, aren’t they?”
  • “Cheer up! Jesus already has the victory.”
  • “Just forgive, and it won’t bother you anymore.”
  • “Are you still struggling with that? It happened so long ago?”

While some of those things may be true, presented in the context of raw pain, they will make people feel dismissed and more alone than ever. I don’t think our pain-avoidance systems are mean-spirited; they result from some specific weaknesses in our approach to pain. First, most people barely survive their own challenges and do not have the resources to carry someone else’s. Second, those in pain make us uncomfortable because they expose our doubts and questions about God’s love for us. Finally, Christianity today is geared toward procuring victory and blessings more than it is about how the glory of God is revealed in brokenness and sorrow.

Most people comfort someone briefly and tie it off with a quick Scripture or a pat answer, often concluding with the ubiquitous, “I’ll be praying for you.” And then they forget. That’s why people in pain often feel like a burden to their friends and end up isolating themselves as they are drawn more deeply into crisis. At least when Job’s friends heard about all his troubles, they came and wept with him in the dust for seven days before any of them said a word. What an amazing gift of presence! But then, they couldn’t keep silent anymore and piled on their false theology that only added to Job’s crisis.

Becoming a safe place for people in pain is a work of the Spirit through the troubles and hurts of your own life. You learn compassion when you are the victim of other people’s meanness. You learn authenticity by being gaslit and ghosted by people you care about. And you learn how to be present for others by what you wanted most when you suffered. Ninety percent of ministry is simply being there with A Caring Heart and a Listening Ear, as my friend Joni from Edmund termed it in a podcast we did recently.

You don’t have to start a ministry, hang out a shingle, or run an ad on Next Door. Just be aware of the people around you during your day. When you see someone hurting, let Jesus lead you on how to make yourself available. It can be as simple as “You look like you could use a friend.” Or, “If you ever need someone to talk to, please let me know,” You might invite them to lunch or over for coffee. You’re inviting them as you make your heart available, not imposing yourself on them. Be gentle, aware, and gracious, and you’ll have plenty of opportunities to share his love in the world.

And don’t worry about having all the answers they might need. You’re better off holding people’s pain when you don’t have the answers and not trying to fix them. You only need to provide space where God can reveal himself and draw them into his light and freedom.

Coming alongside a broken heart or an oppressed spirit is as close to the Gospel as it gets. He came to bind up the brokenhearted and free the oppressed. You’re closest to the kingdom when you’re with people like that.

___________________

I’m sorry we’ve not had another trauma conversation recently or the next meeting of the Jake Colsen Book Club. We are a bit buried in the process of refurbishing and moving into our next home, taking some time to be with friends, and our schedule is not too predictable these days. We will get back to those in a few weeks and let you know here when we start those up again. We appreciate your patience during this season of nesting in a new place where we can share our love with each other and with all of you.

Completing the Work God Gave Us

4 Comments / Kenya / March 17, 2023 / , , , , ,

Fifteen years ago, God linked our hearts with a group of believers in Kenya who had been captured by the message of He Loves Me, even as they were caught in the tribal post-election violence that ravaged Kenya in 2008. When I met Michael, he had already taken a dozen parentless children into his home to raise among his family. We helped them care for the widows and orphans who had been displaced and even did small business loans to help them start income-generating activities. We also built a petrol station, so the profits could continue to meet these ongoing needs. Today, only six children remain in that Living Loved Center, and the facility will soon be repurposed for other needs.

Over the next decade, our involvement escalated there as they discovered more than a hundred thousand people in West Pokot, dying of hunger in a drought that had destroyed their nomadic way of life. We sent relief and medicine immediately and eventually drilled wells and started irrigation projects to feed them in an ongoing way. We also helped them start schools to teach their children, and coaches taught them all about hygiene because the lack of it was causing ninety percent of their diseases. The Gospel also took root among these people who had worshipped their ancestors for previous centuries.

We also began an enterprise to buy and store grain at harvest time and re-sell it later to generate income for ongoing relief work. We also helped a new school Michael’s wife had started in a forgotten community to educate children who were not in school. Later, a flood destroyed the school’s water supply. We helped drill a well so vast and pure they could also give free water to the entire community and bottle it to sell to generate money for the school. Then, one year ago, over 300 children were abandoned on the steps of the school by alcoholic and desperate parents who could no longer care for them. We spent over $400,000 in 2022 to buy land and build a rehabilitation center for their care. We added more to the grain enterprise to pay for their food and education, and have now posted a bond to ensure their health and higher education.

For the past five years, we have felt the season was coming to an end where we could help them with these large projects. We did not want them to become dependent on Lifestream but learn to trust God as their provider. We have left them three income-generating enterprises as tools for God’s provision. Over the last fifteen years, more than three million dollars have flowed from the Lifestream and The God Journey audiences to these needs. Not only had we never envisioned that this would be part of our mission in the world, but we were also continually shocked at how generous you were with their needs. Every dime you gave ended up in Kenyan hands. We took nothing out here for administration, or financial and conversion fees.

Incredibly, this also coincided with Jesus inviting Sara and me into a new season personally to live more simply and more focused on the journey God has for us. While we will stay in touch with our friends in Kenya, we are grateful to lay down this mantle of helping them find the resources they need for their work. The needs are still great there, but we trust that Father will have other ways to care for them. (If any of you reading this feel a nudge in your heart to pick up that mantle, please get in touch with us, and we will link you.)

Even more remarkably, this season-ending came from their hearts as well. Earlier this week, we received the following correspondence from those who have been our partners in Kenya:

On behalf of the Kenyan family, we wish to thank you for the great support of pouring your love, prayers, and resources into every area of our lives for over 15 yrs. We send our sincere gratitude to every individual, couple, and family for their sacrifices that have touched so many lives.

Your help rescued many dying families in Northern parts of Kenya and Turkana , through humanitarian aid, health, relief, and long-term solution – through irrigation and soft loans. Also, you helped orphans starting from Living Loved Orphanage, Forkland school, and now Rehabilitation Centre for expansion of the land, buildings, food, and bedding.

You brought hope to the hopeless and rescued the destitute with tender-loving hearts, and you helped us with long-term solutions – a water bottle company, grain enterprise, and petrol station. You have helped us reach the place where we can now stand on our own and use the resources you provided to continue moving forward. Only one thing we may need from you is prayers for wisdom and understanding that we may continue encouraging others with the same love you have taught us.

God connected us when we could not know how to move in the midst of an institution that was focused on buildings and organization. Your books and materials really changed our lives and the love of many, and we now understand intimacy with God and the Father’s affection for us. We shall be downloading more materials from the Lifestream website. May the Lord bless you so much for guiding, correcting, and pouring your love toward us.

We have now winded the projects in Kenya with great love and joy. All your deeds will remain in the book of remembrance with all of us here forever. As we end today, your support for our projects over here, we continue to love you, pray for you, and continue communicating with you in spiritual matters.

We will not return to ask for funds for any projects; now we are able to stand for ourselves. Thank you for your great support and sacrifice.

Michael and Thomas

We have many mixed emotions about this shift of season, but the pathway seems clear to us. We were part of an amazing miracle of God’s provision and their generosity to bless others in their country in more need than them. Your generosity has changed the lives of many people, and we have been honored that God would ask us to be part of something so extraordinary.

We still have a few thousand dollars left over in our Kenyan Fund and we will be sending that for whatever future needs they might have. If you would like to add any money to that as a parting gift and added resource as they make this transition, please let us know in the next few days so that we can send it all together. Beyond that, we will keep the fund open should people have it in their hearts to share in the ongoing needs there, but Lord willing, we do not plan on raising funds for any large-scale future projects there.

If you want to join us in this donation, please see our Donation Page at Lifestream. You can also Venmo contributions to “@LifestreamMinistries” or mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or, if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

What can I write to end this posting? I know their hearts have been touched by your generosity; I want you to know how much Sara and I have been touched as well. To watch vast sums of money go through Lifestream to meet these needs in Kenya has blessed us beyond words. He did so much more beyond anything we could have asked or even imagined. It has saved so many people and offers Kenya a wealth of young men and women grounded in Father’s love to be his witness in that corner of the world.

When Paul and Barnabas returned from their first missionary journey, they reported to the church at Antioch that they “had completed the work God gave them to do.” We celebrate that now with you and our Kenyan brothers and sisters. We have completed the amazing task he gave us through his incredible mercy and strength. Generosity upon generosity is a great gift to put into the world. Thank you for being part of it with us.

Now, we commend them to the Father’s mercy for whatever purpose he has ahead for them. We pray he will guide them with his love, hold them in his grace, and make a way for his kingdom to be revealed through them. We are grateful to have been part of it and to have left nothing of Lifestream in Kenya except the fingerprints of Father’s love.

Don’t Run from the Pain

7 Comments / Struggle and Pain / March 7, 2023

Last week I wrote about the agony of God for the brokenness of his Creation and how our sufferings can be a way of fellowshipping with his inside of ours. Once we see that the presence of Jesus and personal pain are not at opposite poles of the universe, we can find the freedom to explore his wisdom and power inside the challenges that this age hurls against us.

For me, that has been a major transition. I see God holding all the cards of the universe, and thoughts of him always go to victory and triumph over his enemies. That day will come, most certainly, but it misses the fact that on this day, God is also in our pain with us as he agonizes with the broken Creation and the devastation it brings to people he loves. To find our rest in him inside our suffering is not a natural response for most of us. We are taught to avoid pain at all costs, not learn how to share it with our Father.

Our innate aversion to pain is a good thing.  The heat of the stove will compel you to pull your hand away without a conscious thought, and the pain of a sprained ankle will remind you to keep weight off it while it heals. Emotional pain is different, however. While it can alert us to pull away from circumstances or relationships that are toxic, more often, it’s an invitation to self-discovery. Why are we in pain? Is it coming from without or within? Am I contributing to it with my actions? Will it lead me to a different strategy in my circumstances?  Emotions like grief and sorrow especially need to be tended to, not avoided. Running from them or repressing them will only drive the darkness deeper and blind us to God’s freedom.

This is where the impulse to run from pain doesn’t serve us well. The wisdom you need will come inside the pain as Jesus makes himself known there. If you try to run, you’ll miss him.

As I was writing this article, I received an email that contained this paragraph:

As an optimist, I shove trauma and suffering down deep, choosing to ignore it rather than deal with it. Father has been saying to me for years to “Be still and know….” But I knew that I would need healing, which would be painful. It was easier not to go there. I know His consuming fire is actually His love, and I know He will not necessarily take away the suffering, but I need to start the process, knowing He is in me, beside me, bearing what I bear.

“Shoving it down deep” is a classic way to avoid the pain that can open the door to greater freedom. It’s like fearing the dentist so much you won’t go deal with an infected tooth. Instead, you’ll just bear it hoping it will go away soon. Emotional healing begins when we own our pain and find a way to sit with him in it. When Sara was gone last year, my soul was in deep pain, and I spent many days and endless nights sitting in my grief and confusion.  There, Jesus sustained me, encouraged me, and shaped in me the emotional base I would need to support and soothe Sara when her trauma emerged.

Knowing he is in it with you makes all the difference; he can bear with you what you cannot bear on your own. He can chart you a course through it to whatever healing or freedom he wants to do in you. So, instead of thinking he is ignoring you until you find the faith to get out of your painful circumstances, let yourself hurt with vigilant eyes for how he wants to reveal himself to you. If you try to ignore your suffering or demand that God make it stop, questioning his reality or love if he doesn’t, will only prolong the pain and confusion. I don’t believe for a second that he orchestrates our pain, even as a trial or a lesson. We get a steady dose of it just by living in a world out of synch with its Creator. However, he does promise never to leave us alone in it and to work wonderful things in us through it. Every writer of the New Testament celebrates the deep work God can do in our pain.

Richard Rohr told about his friend Dr. Jacqui Lewis, who received some wise counsel from her friend in a time of personal need.  “Stay where the pain is,” she was advised. In an incredibly difficult year, she was “very low and frankly so weighed down with grief, I didn’t really know how to move forward. I kept throwing myself into work, running fast to do something about the pain.”

That’s when her friend, Lyn, encouraged her with these words:

Wait, stay right there. Stay where the pain is, where the suffering is, where the struggle is. Stay there. That’s where it’s going to come. The insight. The knowing. The wisdom. Right there, Jacqui. It’s not here yet, but it’s coming. And when it comes, I’ll midwife it with you. It will come, we will do it together. Just wait for it. It will come.”

Read those words again. This is powerful counsel for those who struggle. Suffering in him allows us to probe the honest realities of our hearts and find the wisdom and power of God that will lead us forward. That’s why Ecclesiastes 7:3 speaks of the value of sorrow: “Sorrow is better than laughter; when the face is sad, the heart grows wise.” Holding God in our pain will tenderize our hearts and slow us down from the rat race of life to be more vulnerable to what’s true. It will be easier to see him there, as he exposes our illusion that we are in control of our circumstances. He can show how we contributed to that pain and provide the wisdom and courage to follow him through it to whatever freedom he has in mind for you. 

And that part about having someone midwife it with you? That’s precious, too. I don’t know how I would have survived last spring without loving and faithful friends who made space for my pain and held my heart through it. Everyone wants someone to hold them in the darkness, but they aren’t always easy to find for reasons we’ll explore in my next post.

Learn to fellowship with God in the shared agony of a fallen world, and it will not only lead you to freedom, it will also equip you to be a safe person for hurting people.

 

 

 

The Trust He Wins in Us

7 Comments / Encouragement / March 2, 2023 / , , , , , ,

I’ve watched too many Christians struggle to trust God more as if that is something they are supposed to do. If you’ve ever been down that road, you know that it leads to a vast wasteland. We can only pretend to trust him more, and that will fail us when we most need it.

Trust is not something you can demand from someone; it is the natural byproduct of knowing that someone loves you deeply and acts for your greatest good. We don’t give trust; Jesus wins us into it. So the question is never, “How do I trust him more?” The question is, “How is Jesus winning me into his trust today?”  That’s the road you want to venture down.

And you won’t see him winning your trust as long as you’re trying to get God to do what you think is best for you. That will only lead you to disappointment upon disappointment. Focusing our trust in him on a specific outcome is not trusting him at all. It’s only using him to get what we want.  

Jesus has something different in mind by teaching you to love what he loves and to follow him. There you will discover that he is constantly working around us in a way that wins us into his trust. We become increasingly confident that his way is best and that he is continually working to lead us into his freedom. That’s what chapter ten of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore covers.

Here’s an excerpt as Jake is just beginning to recognize that process:

“That’s the trust he’s building in you right now, and those deals falling through are part of it. Through moments like this he wins our trust. And it’s obviously working.” John said.

“What? Why would you say that?” I asked, not at all feeling like it was.

“Because you’re not as angry as you were when we first met. You’re in a desperate situation now, you’re concerned, but you’re not angry: That shows some incredible growth.”

And for the first time I realized that God had changed something enduring inside of me. I wasn’t burying my anger. It just wasn’t there, even in my disappointment.

“That’s how God wins your trust. He’s not asking you to do something despite all evidence to the contrary. He’s asking you to follow him as you see him unfolding his will in you. As you do that, you’ll find that his words and his ways will hold more certainty for you than your best plans or wisdom.”

Today, Jesus is at work in you to grow your trust in him and his Father. He wants you to know that his power and wisdom are at your disposal for all he is doing in you and how he is working in the circumstances you’re caught up in. Learn to recognize how he is working, and you’ll find your trust growing gradually no matter what you encounter.

We’ll discuss this amazing process at the next gathering of the Jake Colsen Book Club, which will be held this Sunday, March 5, at 1:30 pm PST. This is a change from the previously announced date . Anyone can join us, though you’ll have to work that out in your own time zone. We will also stream it live on my Facebook Author Page, but if you want to be part of the conversation, you can get a link to the Zoom Room by emailing Wayne and asking for it.

You can view our last discussion on chapter 9 here.

The Man of Sorrows

4 Comments / Encouragement / February 25, 2023

(The graphic above was taken from the cover image of A Man Like No Other, art by Murry Whiteman with text by Wayne Jacobsen and Brad Cummings)

It’s hard to imagine that these words would describe the most authentic personification of love to ever live on this planet, but this is how Isaiah foretold it:

“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces, he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. (Isaiah 53:3)

The fullness of God’s love was despised and rejected by many who knew him. Incredibly sad!

Jesus often talked about joy, and he wanted his joy to be in us so that our joy would be complete. Nevertheless, he also felt the pain of a fallen Creation and suffered from it himself. Even loving to the full, that love proved disquieting to the agenda of many, and thus he knew the undeserved rejection of those he loved. When I think of Jesus and suffering, I’m so immediately drawn to the events of his Passion that I skip over the pain he held each day while he was here, much less the pain he and his Father have held since Creation’s fall.

Only recently (for reasons I’ll share in the future) has my heart become attuned to the agony of God that beats through the cosmos beneath the strains of the joy and victory of his redemption. Oh, he will win, and one day the kingdoms of this world will become the kingdom of our God and of his Son. I can hardly imagine what that day will be like! Until then, God’s joy is also accompanied by undertones of anguish that he feels for the lingering injustices of humanity, the war and conflicts that devastate countries and destroy friendships and families, the sexual abuse of powerless victims, the despair of suicide and its impact on loved ones, malnourished bodies, natural disasters, and the betrayal and greed some trade on to the exploitation of others.

The writer of Hebrews told us that Jesus’s agony went beyond the crucifixion and was laced throughout his days. “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears…” This was more than Gethsemane; this seems to be a regular undertone to his life and may well explain his weeping at the tomb of Lazarus and his anguish in Gethsemane. It certainly was not for the loss of his friend whom he would momentarily raise from the dead, but for death and suffering in the cosmos itself. And if so, he may still carry that agony of a lover for the wounds of his beloved.

Redemption was always in sight, but that did not mitigate his empathy for the wounds of his Creation. The Redeemer comes to our rescue with tears in his eyes, and an ache in his heart for all that “fallenness” has done to us. And when redemption happens, his ecstasy overwhelms his agony. For those of us living before the days of the restoration of Creation, we taste that agony as well in what we suffer and what we behold in others. So when I hear of the devastation of earthquakes in Syria or Turkey, starvation throughout East Africa, needless destruction in Ukraine, or delusion throughout the West, I have a place to put that now. I can hold the world’s pain with God in the hope of a victory yet to come. It has changed the way I pray and the way I walk with others through their own difficulties. You’ll hear more about that in future articles here.

For now, it is enough to be reminded that those who love deeply will hurt deeply. Every lingering pain can be a reminder of the as-yet unredeemed Creation and a touchstone with God’s passion for redemption. When we hurt with others, we are reminded that God bears our pain as well. When we are rejected by people we love, we find comfort that God knows that too. Jesus knows that all too well. Sharing my pain with him as he shares his with me is also part of living loved.

You cannot love and avoid pain. Love allows you to sit in the suffering, your own or someone you care about, and watch for how God moves redemptively. If you run from pain, you’ll find yourself often running from love, and, ultimately, from God. If you can embrace the reality of God-with-you in your suffering, then it will not consume you. It will also allow you to see more easily his way forward until ecstasy triumphs over agony.

____________________

Other Items of Note 

  • Our next Wrestling with Trauma conversation will be Sunday, February 26, at 10:00 am. PST. Email Wayne if you’d like to join a small group to provide a place for people to explore their trauma or to find ways to help others they love deal with trauma
  • The next Jake Colsen Book Club session will be held Saturday, March 4, at 1:30 pm PST. You’ll have to work that out in your own time zone. We will explore Chapter 10: Won to Trust, as we consider how Jesus teaches us to trust him and what he wants for us, rather than trying to get him to give us the outcomes we want for ourselves. We will stream it live on my Facebook Author Page, but if you want to be part of the conversation, you can get a link to the Zoom Room by emailing Wayne and asking for it.

 

Off-Grid Christianity

6 Comments / Behind the Scenes / February 20, 2023

Here’s what happens when a journalist from Ireland wants to talk to me about my life outside the traditional boundaries of Christianity and asks some intensely personal questions. You can listen to the podcast here, which released yesterday.

Martin Purnell is the host of this series of podcasts for those who feel disconnected from church-as-we’ve-come-to-know-it. They may still attend but don’t feel as if they fit in anymore.  Martin and I discuss trauma, the Dones, the Shack implosion, and so much more.

Also, the Jake Colsen Book Club got together yesterday to discuss chapter nine of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. The chapter is called, A Box by Any Other Name and discusses what happens when we try to stuff the living, breathing bride of Christ into a box of human origins.  We also talk about the desperation of so many looking for the latest revival and how the freedom to think outside those boxes can be incredibly threatening to some people. You can watch it here if you’d like. 

Suffering Means You’re Human

4 Comments / Encouragement / February 17, 2023

Jesus promised us so much joy and victory following him that it can be disorienting to encounter enduring times of pain and suffering. I’ve known many followers of Jesus who wrestle more with the perplexity of how God could have “allowed” them to suffer than the suffering itself would have demanded. It at least adds another layer of pain to whatever we face.

In our quest to live comfortable, happy lives, we forget that plenty of Scriptures also talk about suffering and how God inhabits them to further his work in us and his purpose in the world. Why else would we need a refuge, a deliverer, and a Redeemer? When the Psalmist said that God delivers us from all of our afflictions, doesn’t that mean we had to be in them first? And that deliverance almost always has more in mind than just removing it.

Any follower of Jesus needs a worldview that includes pain and trouble as much as joy and laughter. It doesn’t mean God causes our suffering or even allows it in any volitional sense. They are the result of living in a world out of sync with its Creator. You will no doubt encounter both along your journey, and learning how to rejoice in good times and how to lean into him through difficult ones will be critical to God’s unfolding love in your heart.

As part of ours this summer, Sara and I read Waymaker by Ann Voskamp. We found a lot in this book that touched us and expanded our view of God. This brief section was one of those, talking about the complexity of love and pain in a fallen Creation.

Love lives at peace with pain, and the two will never divorce. Because to love is to be tender enough to know suffering, to be vulnerable enough to know hurt, and the only way to divorce your way from pain is to divorce yourself from any love.”

The destiny we all ultimately dream of is a destination where we are ultimately seen, safe, soothed, and secure! Even nightmares of loss and tragedy and grief can still become an unexpected awakening to tender dreams, if there are ways—even in the dark places—to be seen and known, safe and secure . . . Wherever we are always accepted and never alone, never abandoned, our deepest dreams can come true even in the midst of nightmares.

I had high hopes of waking to a dream different from both of our mothers. No graves. No slammed doors or cold wars, no lightning-bolt diagnosis or stalking depression, no abandonment or estrangement, no cascading job loss or piling bills or empty arms. No trauma from the straight-out-of-nowhere tragedy, the unlikely addictions, the turned distractions, the knife-in-the-back betrayal, the flat-out rejection, or the entirely suffocating personal failure you can’t escape because you can’t escape out of your own skin. Why do we think that our life will be the one that finds a way to easier roads? Why in the world did I? It’s when we expect life to be easy that it becomes hard.

Buy the lie that your life is supposed to be heaven on earth, and suffering can be a torturous hell. But life is suffering, and suffering is but the cross we bear, part of earth’s topography to cross on our way to heaven. I wouldn’t know it for years: Screens sell pipe dreams. Every screen is trying to sell the lie to you-from Hollywood to Netflix to Instagram–the lie that all you have to do is buy this, work out like this, wear this, style it like this, believe this, pursue this, get a career like this, find someone like this, and you, too, can find the way to a perfect life, just like this. But buy any perfectly filtered and marketing-framed illusion, and you end up painfully disillusioned. Regardless of what Instagram or all the glossy ads are shilling, your suffering isn’t some unique anomaly; suffering is the universal experience of all humanity. Suffering doesn’t mean you’re cursed, suffering means you’re human. The question isn’t “Why is there suffering in my life?” but “Why wouldn’t there be suffering?”

Because such is life in a broken world. The question is, “What way will you bear your suffering?” I didn’t know it then, and I am still learning this now: Life is really hard because that is the reality of being alive.

When you can face suffering, knowing it does not prove God loves you any less or is punishing you for some reason, then you are ready to grow through your darker seasons and love others more fully in theirs.

_______________

Other Items that might be of interest:

  • Sara joins me on the podcast this Friday since Kyle was out of town. We’ve got news about where we’re going to live next and, more importantly, how Sara’s journey has continued to unfold.
  • Sara and I are now making plans to host a trip to Israel in late January and early February 2024. It will be a ten-day trip in Israel, with an option to add on 3 days in Jordan and a visit to Petra. We hope to have the details out in a week or two. If you’re interested in going, please email me, and I’ll send out more information to you as we get things nailed down.
  • The next session of the Jake Colsen Book Club will be held Saturday, February 18, at 11:00 am PST. You’ll have to work that out in your own time zone. We will explore Chapter 9: A Box by Any Other Name as we talk about humanity’s relentless attempts to put the living, breathing bride of Jesus into a box we think we can manage for him. We will stream it live on my Facebook Author Page, but if you want to be part of the conversation, you can get a link to the Zoom Room by emailing Wayne and asking for it.
  • The next Wrestling with Trauma conversation will be Sunday, February 26, at 10:00 am. PST. Email Wayne if you’d like to join a small group to provide a place for people to explore their trauma or to find ways to help others they love deal with trauma

Another Israel Trip on the Horizon?

8 Comments / Behind the Scenes / February 7, 2023

My photography site reminded me that six years ago today, I was in Israel with this team, including my daughter and my niece, a host of good friends, and some brand new people to get to know. We had a fantastic time, first in Petra with a smaller group, then ten more days up the coast, into Galilee, and then finishing up in Jerusalem with others who joined us. I look at this wonderful group of people and am so grateful that God wanted us to spend a few days together six years ago and that those relationships have continued to bear fruit in the years that followed.

Ten days in a bus, sharing hotels and meals, and focusing on this incredible land where God revealed himself to the world, allows for rich fellowship and growth. The laughter and the tears, the discoveries people make, and even negotiating lost luggage and the occasional lost person become memories and friendships that last a lifetime.

Interestingly enough, Sara asked me a couple of days ago what it might be like to go to Israel now, no longer influenced by her trauma. Then two days later, out of the blue, a couple told me that if I ever planned another trip to Israel, they would like to go. So, I’m wondering if God might have us do it again.

Interested?

We usually go in late January/early February because the weather is not as hot, and the lines at the sites we visit are much less congested. If we decide to do this again, would you like to go with us? If so, email me, and I’ll keep a list of potentially interested people should that begin to come together. You won’t regret it, and you’ll never read Scripture again the same way when you’ve seen the geography where those things took place.

Also . . .

The next gathering of the Jake Colsen Book Club will be on Saturday, February 18, at 11:00 am. We will discuss Chapter 9 of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. We will explore Chapter 9: A Box by Any Other Name as we talk about humanity’s relentless attempts to put the living, breathing Church of Jesus Christ into a box we think we can manage for him. You can email me if you’d like a link to join us for the discussion. Anyone is welcome to join in; we only ask that you re-read that chapter, so it’s fresh in your mind. You can also listen live (or afterward) as we stream it on my Wayne Jacobsen Author Page on Facebook.

You can listen here to our conversation about Chapter 8 from this past weekend.

Until His Love Overwhelms You

2 Comments / Uncategorized / February 4, 2023

All of our attempts to live a Godly life will continue to frustrate and fail us until his love overwhelms us. When you know how deeply loved you are by God you will go on a journey that will continue to open your eyes to the lies you tell yourself and the truths of God we have a hard time believing.

Sara and I just finished reading together The Deepest Well by Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, a great encouragement to the medical profession to take Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) into account as they assess the health care options available to their patients. A surgeon friend of mine recommended it, as he is now using ACE assessment in his cardiology practice and finding it illuminating.

So, now it was time to select another book and Sara wanted me to read He Loves Me to her. I love this book, and its companion devotional Live, Loved, Free Full. This is the most significant message I put into the world, learning to live each day inside the Father’s affection. So, as we work through the book, I might be sharing some of my favorite quotes from time to time. Here is an excerpt I love from the Introduction to the Third Edition:

What the Father showed us in the gift of his Son is that he was unwilling to settle for the indentured servitude of fearful slaves. He preferred instead the intimate affection of sons and daughters. He knew love would take us deeper into his life than fearful obligation ever would. It would teach us more truth, free us from our selfishness and failures, and make us fruitful in the world.

Since I published this book, I’ve heard from hundreds of people who have told me that God used it to transform their own journeys as well. Many told me that I had put into words something they knew deep inside was already true, but they were afraid to believe it. Others have said it completely redefined the life of Christ for them and sent them on an amazing journey mining the depths of that love and affection.

I hope you, too, come to the end of these pages convinced that he loves you with a deep and unrelenting affection. Nothing fulfills his purpose more than when his love overwhelms you, then transforms you, and then leads you through the rest of your life as a reflection of his glory in the earth.

— He Loves Me! Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection by Wayne Jacobsen

I know we can’t control when that “overwhelming” takes place, where the gravity of his affection becomes more believable than the fears and anxieties that constantly assail us. It is Jesus’s job to lead us into our awareness of the Father’s affection and there is nothing more beautiful. All he asks of us is a ready and receptive heart, open to him as he begins to reveal the path he wants to lead us down He is the Way, remember. We cannot do this ourselves only learn to relax into his reality.

He wants nothing more for you. I you don’t know it yet, just keep coming to him and leaning into his heart. That will provide a fertile place for the seeds of his love and the beauty of his wisdom to take root in you. It takes time, sometimes years, so don’t be discouraged if he seems elusive. He never is, but the distractions of this age can make it seem so.

And if you want to connect with me this weekend, I am holding two Zoom opportunities:

Someone asked me this week to consider a Zoom book study through He Loves Me, and I may well do that when we finish the Jake Colsen Book Club. We will hold the next discussion of  So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore on Saturday, February 4, at 1:30 pm. We are going to talk about Chapter 8: Unplayable Lies, where we’ll explore how God wants to lead us out of the hard places some of our choices have put us in and, while doing so, teach us how to trust him and his wisdom. You can email me if you’d like a link for that. Anyone can join in; we only ask that you re-read that chapter so it’s fresh in your mind. You can also listen live (or afterward) as we stream it on my Wayne Jacobsen Author Page on Facebook.

And, there’s still some room in our Sunday conversation for those Wrestling with Trauma or those who love someone who is. We will gather on Zoom this Sunday, February 5, at 11:00 am PST. If you’d like to join us this week, please email me for the Zoom link. We’ll be limiting it to the first twelve who request a link, but don’t worry; we will schedule more such times. These are not teaching sessions, nor will they build on each other. Each will be a conversation to serve those who join us and help encourage them to the Way Jesus wants to lead them through the pain of trauma into his increasing freedom. These conversations are not streamed live or recorded. They are for the personal benefit of those who can join us.

Changing a Nation One Life at a Time

2 Comments / Kenya / February 1, 2023

The new bedding has arrived.

For those not keeping up with our friendships in Kenya over the last 14 years, the people who listen to The God Journey or read my blogs here at Lifestream have given over three million dollars to rescue an impoverished region of Kenya. We started by supporting a new orphanage that took in children after the post-election violence of 2008. Then, we helped save 120,000 people who were part of nomadic tribes in Pokot, ravaged by drought and disease. Through a five-year project, we were able to drill wells, teach them hygiene, and teach them how to develop sustainable community. Now, those villages are able to clothe, feed, and care for themselves, and all of them were touched by the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Lately, we’ve been helping a small school in Forkland, a drug-riddled and poverty-stricken community. Originally, flooding had destroyed their water source with sewage, and we helped them drill a well. That well hit a huge aquifer with water whose purity is off the charts. Now, it not only provides water for the school but also for the community around it. They bottle the overflow and sell it as an enterprise to pay for the school expenses. Tragically, in a few days, five months ago, three hundred children were abandoned at the school. Our friends responded with love and were able to procure land next to the school, build dormitories on it, and continue to educate all the children. Recently, bedbugs infested their old mattresses and tormented the children. They needed new metal bed frames and new mattresses to end the plague and to keep the children there. As you can see, the bedding has just arrived.

This morning, I received this message of thanks and delight from them:

The children are so glad to receive new bedding and they are now having a good sleep during the night. We are also celebrating good performances in the recently announced National Exam. We thank God for giving them good health and for the provision of their daily needs.

We also thank you and the people there for opening your heart and standing with the kids. We could have lost these wonderful and potential leaders of tomorrow, who will now be able to change this nation and the Forkland community. They were living in such a horrible environment but now they have a great future for this generation. We send our gratitude and thanksgiving to the Almighty God, for using you the people there to transform the entire nation and the communities here in Kenya, You have poured out your love towards our people here.
I believe God may be preparing this young team to change the whole community, and the people will learn what it means to live loved. We are hoping that our work of helping these children is not in vain.
Through our additional grain enterprise profit, we have managed to enroll and take our children to different primary and secondary schools. We thank God for the provisions, and we thank the people there for their support. Despite of many challenges, these children faced before they were rescued, six of them have performed very well, four of them are supposed to join university, and two are supposed to go to college. This is so amazing. 
Yours,
Brother Michael and Thomas
Amazing it is! Imagine the opportunity we were given to shape the lives of 300 children who were abandoned and destined for poverty. What that might do, not only for those children, but also for the community and nation in which their lives will bear the fruit of God’s love?
Every moment I think of Kenya, I am overwhelmed by what this audience has done for people they don’t know and have never met. I’ve been there. I know how desperate these people are for lack of resources, and yet they have hearts as big as an ocean to love and care for others more desperate than them. Your generosity has helped them do that, and I am grateful as well that people have continued to give to this incredible need, and the profound impact it is having on this part of Kenya.
In fact, a couple of weeks ago, Sara and I saw an NBC News report on the neighboring county of Turkana, which has identical needs to Pokot. Two weeks later, they patted themselves on the back because viewers had sent close to half a million dollars to help with relief. To think that you have had a much larger impact as part of a much smaller audience, makes it even more astounding. And to do it without publicity or fanfare . . . priceless!

The needs here are ongoing if you’d like to help us, or perhaps you would like to provide a scholarship for one of these former orphans to attend University or College. You can do that through Lifestream, if you wish. As always, every dime you give goes directly to them. We take nothing out for financial transfer fees or administration.

If you would like to help, please see our Donation Page at Lifestream. Just designate “Kenya” in the “note” of your donation, or email us and let us know your gift is for Kenya. You can also Venmo contributions to “@LifestreamMinistries” or mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or, if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

Thank you for your great generosity to a people in a far-off land.

Trauma Conversations and Book Clubs

1 Comment / Behind the Scenes / January 28, 2023

Manipulative people detest when they lose their power over someone else. Manipulation is a game constantly played in human relationships. We often get caught in it because we love the people playing, and we don’t want to risk losing their friendship if we don’t keep them happy. Such a life, however, will not lead you to joy but to greater confusion and pain.

It is never easy to bear the brunt of someone else’s brokenness. Their use of anger and false accusations to manipulate others creates an environment where tender, gracious relationships get lost. For many, it’s a religious game. Thinking they know God’s best for you, they will stop at nothing to get you to please them or judge your salvation when you don’t. If they don’t come to see that, they will constantly up the ante until playing their game eventually begins to eat at your soul. You can go along with it for a season, hoping it’s just a temporary blind spot for them, but when they start gossiping about you or gaslighting you, you have to step away. Seeking a relationship of mutual respect and tenderness becomes impossible. That’s when you got to let Jesus lead you out of the game, even if it risks a relationship you hold dear.

We talked about that last week in our Jake Colsen Book Club. Chapter 8 of So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore lets Jake see how human relationships get easily twisted. Here are some excerpts from that chapter:

Just remember Jesus is not worried about tomorrow because he has already worked that out. He’s inviting you to live with him in the joy of the moment, responding to what he puts right before you.

The approval you felt then came from the same source as the shame you feel now. That’s why it hurts so much when you hear their rumors or watch old friends reject you. Truth be told, some of those people still really care about you. They just don’t know how to show it now that you no longer play on their team. They’re not bad people, Jake, just brothers and sisters lost in something that is not as godly as they think it is.

Now you know what that’s like from the other side and one of the big things Jesus is doing in you now is to free you from the game, so that you can live deeply in him rather than worrying about what everyone else thinks about you. As long as you need other people to understand you and to approve of what you’re doing, you are owned by anyone willing to lie about you.

Since Sara and I have had to stay a bit closer to home as she recovers from rotator-cuff surgery, we’ve been using Zoom to continue engaging with others worldwide through the Jake book discussions and the Wrestling with Trauma conversations. We will hold another Wrestling with Trauma conversation on Sunday, February 5, at 11:00 am PST. You’ll have to do the math to determine what that might be in your time zone. If you’d like to join us this week, please email me for the Zoom link. We’ll be limiting it to the first twelve who request a link, but don’t worry; we will schedule more such times. These are not teaching sessions, nor will they build on each other. Each will be a conversation to serve those who join us and help encourage them to the Way Jesus wants to lead them through the pain of trauma into his increasing freedom. These conversations are not streamed live or recorded. They are for the personal benefit of those who can join us. You can even join in anonymously if you prefer.

And for those interested in the next Jake Colsen Book Club, we will hold the next discussion of  So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore on Saturday, February 4, at 1:30 pm. We will move on to Chapter 8: Unplayable Lies, where we’ll explore how God wants to lead us out of the hard places some of our choices have put us in and, while doing so, teach us how to trust him and his wisdom. You can email me if you’d like a link for that. Anyone can join in; we only ask that you re-read that chapter so it’s fresh in your mind. You can also listen live (or afterward) as we stream it on my Wayne Jacobsen Author Page on Facebook.

If you’d like to listen to the previous conversations, here are the links to these videos:

Chapter 2 – A Walk in the Park
Chapter 5 – Love with a Hook

 

 

What Does God Hold in His Heart?

4 Comments / Culture Watch / January 17, 2023

As I hold the Ukrainian people in my heart these days, I find myself wondering what God must feel as he watches over his children in that part of the world. Last month, I received an email from a friend in Ukraine, and I have held its contents in my heart ever since. It has allowed me to see and feel what they are going through and to hold their pain differently than I would have a year ago.

Here’s the letter I received:

Today is the 290th day of the full-scale bloody unjust war of Russia against Ukraine. I am afraid to even write this because I believed that the Lord would not allow this horror to continue for so long. Unfortunately, it continues (How long, Oh Lord?)

Russia launched three massive missile attacks on our country. This is in addition to the daily shelling of certain regions of Ukraine. People died, and houses and electrical substations were destroyed. Millions of people in Ukraine suffer from the lack of light, heat, water, Internet, and telephone communication. Every day we are without light, heat, water, and communication for 12-17 hours. In other cities, people do not have light and heat for 15-20 hours a day. Authorities say the situation could worsen. Every day in Ukraine is a struggle for life, but this cannot be compared with the terrible conditions our military is in. Every day, the best sons of Ukraine die at the front. It is impossible to accept this. It is impossible to get used to it. We are constantly looking for words of comfort and support for the families of the victims. But in most cases, words cannot console. We just HUG THEM AND CRY WITH THEM.

We recently attended the funeral of two young soldiers. They were both only 21. They died in March, but their bodies could not be delivered until November. All this time, parents were waiting for an opportunity to bury their dead sons. It is hard to even imagine a funeral lasting 8 months. The day before yesterday, not far from the Belarusian border, a married couple died. The car skidded in the snow and blew up on a mine that was hidden on the side of the road. Now 8 children are left without dad and mom. After the children were told about the death of their parents, the boy asked if it was possible to call heaven.

Do we see God’s hand in these terrible days? Yes!!! He is with us in the dark and cold. He is with us when there is no water or telephone connection. He is our warmth and light. He is our water and connection. He is with our hero warriors. He is with Ukraine. Every day, every hour, every moment!!! Thank you for not leaving us alone with the beleaguered enemy. Thank you for your prayers, words of support, and financial help. You are God’s Angels for us, for Ukraine.”

Can you imagine living in all that heartache and pain day after day for almost a year? And all because one bully, Vladimir Putin, decided he was entitled to take a free country for himself, and the West refused to stand up to him because Ukraine was not part of NATO and they feared nuclear reprisal. Fear is always the currency of evil. And, please, my Russian friends, do not take these words as an attack on the Russian people. I’ve no doubt many of them decry this horrible war as well, as they, too, watch their children die for a cause they detest.

But what is God thinking when he surveys a world gone mad, where a few people given to evil can ruin the lives of so many others, whether it’s conquest as in Ukraine, sexual assault in a family, corrupt governments in Central and South America displacing their people, or a bully at school intimidating other students? What of the pain you hold even as you beg God to make it stop?

Many think God can and should stop all their suffering, and the fact that he does not either argues against his existence or his loving concern for humanity. I see it differently, like my brother who wrote the letter above. God is always in our suffering. I’m sure if he could stop all the suffering in the world immediately, he would. The joys of some people who experience abundance and bliss are certainly not, even in God’s eyes, worth the pain that others suffer in so many horrific ways.

Why doesn’t he, then? I wish I could answer that. I am convinced it is not his lack of will or power. I suspect it has something to do with the nature of God’s redemption for the whole of Creation and how that has to play out for reasons I cannot see. I do know this Father loves to his core as much for the people of Ukraine as for Sara and me. So, when I see Jesus weeping at Lazarus’s tomb, or “offering himself to God with loud cries and tears,” I know that God is not indifferent to young men and women dying in Ukraine, a hungry stomach in Kenya’s drought, or a sexually victimized young boy our girl weeping on their bed.

God grieves over the brokenness of humanity and the pain and suffering that results. I’ve no doubt he is doing all he can do to bring the Creation to full redemption and restore what he intended in the beginning. Yes, there is a strain of God’s presence that vibrates with joy and beauty, but there is also a refrain that holds the pain of his beloved children in sorrow and grief. Even though he can see what we cannot—a greater glory yet to come—he is able to hold the pain of everyone whose lives are impacted by the injustice and suffering of a world woefully out of sync with the Creator’s ways.

So, today I can sing and rejoice in all my Father’s goodness. And today, I can also hold the sorrow of those I love who bear the brunt of the world’s fallenness. And I suspect the latter will be more helpful than the former in teaching me how to live with a heart for his redemption and a compassion for my hurting brothers and sisters. As a friend of mine said recently, “Maybe he wants us to be one with the sufferings of the world and, in the same moment, be one with the victory of the Cross.” I have no idea what that means yet, but I’m learning.

Indeed, Jesus carries the heartache of the whole world, and we are invited to share in the “fellowship of his suffering” as well . . .

. . .  until his Glory comes in all its fullness.

You Can’t Murder Hate

2 Comments / Culture Watch / January 26, 2023

Profound words from a man of great wisdom who lived that reality through greater hostility than I can imagine:

Through violence you may murder a murderer, but you can’t murder murder. Through violence you may murder a liar, but you can’t establish truth. Through violence you may murder a hater, but you can’t murder hate through violence.

Darkness cannot put out darkness; only light can do that.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

Come, let us live in the light as he is in the light and put darkness to flight.

 

When Trauma Comes Knocking

3 Comments / Encouragement, Uncategorized / January 26, 2023

Joy in life comes not from trying to control your circumstances but by being ready to respond with God’s heart in whatever happens to you.

When people ask us what we have in mind for 2023, part of me laughs inside. We rarely get to live according to our plans; life is too chaotic for that. Tragedy, relational breakdowns, trauma, or even an unexpected need can kick all your hopes and plans to the curb. Then what do you do? Do you hide in your anger frustrated that life didn’t go your way, or do you lean into Jesus and find the Way he will guide you through the darkness?

When last year started, Sara was already in a desperate fight for her life when a childhood trauma she didn’t even know was exploding to the surface like a re-awakened volcano.  I, completely unaware, was working on a new book as well as traveling again after COVID had subsided. Through a shocking set of circumstances last April, I discovered my wife was in real trouble. At that moment, everything came crashing down around me, and only one thing mattered—seeing how Jesus wanted to rescue my wife and follow his lead in whatever he wanted from me. If Jesus had not been in that mess with me, I don’t know how I would have survived it. His insights and peace in the face of such great despair, rescued us and brought incredible healing to Sara’s heart.

Admittedly, it was a very narrow road filled with pain for both of us. That’s why I was so blindsided a few months later when Sara told me that she wanted to share her trauma story publicly. In her struggle and desperation, hearing other people’s stories had been a lifeline to her and she wanted to be that voice of encouragement to others. And, wow, has that ever happened, not just in the podcasts but in hundreds of conversations during our RV trip around the U.S. and continuing in emails and phone conversations!

I’m still unsure what direction God has for us in years to come, but part of it will be helping people deal with trauma. It’s been so encouraging to see how others have come to recognize the signs of trauma in their own reactions, or in the life of someone they love.

Here is a sample of the overwhelming feedback we’ve had:

I listened with painful tears as the Redeeming Love podcasts began. This is as real as a God journey gets. It will help so many traumatized people by validating their pain and directing them to a loving Father who is in them and will help them walk through it.  (Australia)

I recently went through a situation with someone that was confusing and frustrating for me. However, I took into account that the person’s behavior could be linked to trauma, which turned out to be the case. If you and Sara had never shared your stories, I probably would have gotten angry and gotten into a fight with them. Instead, I tried to give the person space, keep an open mind, and take them seriously. This helped bring healing. I think that a lot of symptoms of trauma came up because I was no longer an obstacle. (unknown)

I really want you to know those podcasts cracked me open, and something landed deeper in my heart toward my parents through your personal story. You helped me grieve with God for what happened to my mom and dad, and to gain a clearer understanding of them as humans doing the absolute best they can. What magnificent love is available to us, through each other, from God, forever and ever amends! Wowza. (Oklahoma)

I was molested by my dad’s best friend starting at age 15. It makes me nauseous to even type that. I have thought I had dealt with it, but only through you two sharing these stories did I realize that I’ve only shoved it down. I’m realizing how much all of this has affected my actions and reactions to things and people, and my relationship with Father. (Texas)

I still meet some old friends who have no idea what happened to us last year. We hadn’t seen them and they hadn’t been following my blog or podcasts. While I don’t expect all my friends to stay up with my personal life, there is no way for them to understand my journey now without appreciating what Jesus walked me through last year. Sara and I learned so much, and it changed us so much that we stand in a very different space than we did a year ago. None of it was in our plans, though all of it is now part of our story.

Sara and I often wondered on our trip whether or not we had retired. It’s a joke since in many ways I retired almost thirty years ago in that I have been free to do the things I love to do—write, podcast, sit with God about the pain in the world, and hang out with people exploring their life in Jesus. That was even more true when we resigned our salary at Lifestream two years ago so we have no obligation there. I’m unsure what I’ll write next, but Kyle and I have already discussed where The God Journey might travel this year. There is so much we want to unpack together about what Jesus doing in our lives and how we can interact with our listeners.  Stay tuned, and if you haven’t been listening for a while you might want to re-engage. I have a feeling this next year is going to take us down some very different roads that will help you learn to live more deeply in Father’s revelation.

Sara has some shoulder surgery scheduled next week so we’ll be laid up here for a bit, but she wanted to continue the conversations about trauma that we had on our trip. We don’t have an agenda, just a desire to interact informally with those who are dealing with trauma in themselves or someone they love. We are going to have some occasional Zoom sessions to see where those conversations might go. They are going to be small, each limited to only twelve people, though we’ll try to have enough of them to eventually include all who would like to join us.  We are not experts at trauma, just a couple who have survived it and have a sense of how Jesus can lead people through it. We do know this:  There is no grief so deep that God cannot share it with you and walk you through it to a greater glory and there is no trauma so entrenched that God cannot root it out and break its hold on you. Join us if want to to ask some questions about what we shared on the Redeeming Love podcasts or to explore your own struggles with trauma. You do not have to listen to the podcasts to join us, but it would certainly be helpful.

Our first Wrestling with Trauma conversation will be held this Saturday, January 14, at 11:00 am PST.  You’ll have to do the math to figure out what that might be in your time zone.  Like the Jake Colsen Book Club, we’ll be moving these around to different times to help accommodate people in different parts of the world. If you’d like to join us this week, please email me for the Zoom link. We’ll be limiting it to the first twelve who request a link, but don’t worry, we will have more. These are not teaching sessions, nor will they build on each other. Each will be a conversation to serve those who join us.

And for those who are interested in the next Jake Colsen Book Club, we will hold the next discussion on my book, So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore, the following Saturday, January 21 at 1:30 pm. This one will be on chapter 7, When You Dig a Hole For Yourself, You Have to Throw the Dirt on Someone. This chapter deals with how religious performance destroys relationships by making them competitive rather than living inside Jesus’s love for others. You can also email me if you’d like a link for that or you can listen live (or after) as we stream it on my Wayne Jacobsen Author Page. 

I’m excited about what 2023 might hold, and all the more, because I have no idea what will come my way. I do, however, have a relationship with Jesus that I know is real enough to carry me through the darkest places.

Sara and I want nothing more than to help you find that reality in your own journey.

Insights for Your Journey

2 Comments / Travelogue / January 3, 2023

Happy New Year, everyone. I know people make plans and resolutions, but you never know what a year might bring. For Sara and me, last year completely took us by surprise—–both in the depth of pain, an incredible process of healing, and the fruit of joy and peace that came from all of it.

On August 22, Sara and I took off on what turned out to be a three-month road trip across the U.S. and back. Our little RV proved to be a wonderful cocoon for us to continue sorting out Sara’s trauma and what our marriage would look like beyond it. Along the way, I recorded a series of short videos (most are about a minute, some a minute and a half) about the things we were thinking about in our life with God and how they might encourage others.

For those who missed them on Instagram or want to relive them, I’m posting them in order below. If you only listen to one of them, try Day 82 – White River, AR.

(For those who subscribe by email, the videos may not play from the email, but you can access this email online, or view them on my blog at Lifestream.org.)

Our last night home – With a sketch of a plan, Sara and I are off to places still unknown.

 

Day 2 from Flagstaff, AZ – God has a path for you, too, and following him is the way to find it.

 

Day 6 from Westcliffe, CO – It’s not what happens to us that defines our life, but what Jesus can do in us.

Day 9 from Denver, CO – Suffering does not have to shake your faith when it opens doors to a greater knowing of God.

Day 11 from Golden, CO – God’s life unfolds where love intersects with truth, and we are able to view our lives and circumstances with God’s eyes.

Day 16 from Torrington, WY – Learning to live loved means we get to give up the illusion of control.

Day 22 from Duluth, MN – What do we do when God doesn’t come through like we think love demands?

Day 23 from Minocqua, WI – “Prayer isn’t giving God information to act upon but giving us intimacy to rest in.”

Day 27: Near Escanaba, MI – Rather than wait for God’s timing it would be best for us to learn to participate in his ways.

Day 30: Mackinaw, MI – Presence is everything. We don’t have to know what’s coming our way; we only have to know Who is with us.

Day 40: Arriving in Ohio – What the enemy sets himself to destroy, Jesus comes to redeem.

Day 43: Buckeye Lake, Ohio – Avoid justifying yourself at God’s expense and you’ll be better positioned to recognize God’s ways unfolding for you.

Day 56: Arriving in Virginia – An update as Wayne and Sara prepare to head home.

Day 59 Waynesboro, VA

Day 62: Appomattox Court House, VA – The lies you believe about God and yourself will detract you from a greater journey.

Day 64: Lynchburg, VA – What does God mean by salvation? Was it to perfect our destiny or to save us from our broken selves?

Day 72: Damascus, VA – When you are attuned to the ways in which God works, then you’ll know how to do your work.

Day 75: Chattanooga, TN – We miss his love when it comes to us because we’re too focused on what we want instead of what is true.

Day 82: White River, AR – How sin can interpret the way God loves us, and instead of feeling comforted by him, we feel threatened and push him away.

Day 92: Dallas, TX – God can bring us light and life even in the midst of other people’s attempts to destroy us.

I learned more in the last year than in any other year of my life, and I am grateful for the great things God has done for us. This year, we hope to continue to encourage others to embrace God’s work in them, even if it means passing through some very difficult places. He is the Redeemer, after all, of all that the enemy and other people have done to try to steal his life in us.

When Christmas Doesn’t Find You Joyful

20 Comments / Encouragement / December 23, 2022 / , , , , ,

We hope this finds each of you in a season of great joy and with a growing hope for what he might have in mind for you in 2023.

Sara and I are celebrating a great redemption in our lives as this year comes to an end. Against all odds, God delivered us from certain tragedy and set our feet in a new place that delights our hearts with joy. When last year began, I had no idea in four months’ time, I would confront the worst tragedy of my life, and six months later, I would find myself in more joy than I could contain. I can only imagine what this Christmas would have been like for us if God had not rescued my wife and restored our relationship.

So, our hearts go out to those for whom these days are painful and lonely. For reasons I’ll explain more later, we are discovering that God can seem more present in our sufferings than he does in our delight. What’s more, it is easier to probe his heart and our own in the fellowship of suffering than we can when all is well.

So, if your heart is joyful this season, celebrate with abandon.

If your heart is heavy, lean into a Father and a Savior who know your grief better than anyone. Please don’t repress it, stuff it down in a box, or pretend to make others around you feel more comfortable. Instead, hold your pain with Jesus. Let his presence find you in your grief or anguish. There is no pain or trauma so immense that he cannot hold it with you and be your Way through it.

Remember, the story of Jesus’ birth was not just angels singing to shepherds or wise men bringing expensive gifts; it also included the fears of a young maiden far from home, giving birth in a stable, and the murder of innocent two-year-olds by a paranoid king.

Emmanuel—God with us—means he is with you, especially in the chaos of a broken Creation. He is your light in the darkness, your refuge in times of trouble, and the safest lap in the universe to fall into. He can turn your mourning into joy, but that rarely comes quickly or easily. Unfortunately, Christmas Day doesn’t coincide with our personal seasons of joy.

So if you’re feeling lost and alone this season, embrace this reality: You are deeply loved by the Father who created you, and you are not alone even when you most feel like it. There is a presence in you that he wants to teach you to tap into and find your comfort and courage when things look bleakest.

And please don’t be afraid to reach out to a friend and ask them for the help and encouragement you need. We weren’t meant to bear the dark roads by ourselves.

So wherever this season finds you on your journey, honor what’s going on in your heart and mind. And we pray that Jesus will be born afresh in you, and it will give you hope.

Wayne and Sara

Lessons of a Lifetime

2 Comments / Behind the Scenes / February 3, 2023

This blog is a copy of our Winter 2023 newsletter that we sent out earlier this morning. You can sign up here if you want to be on that list.

Winter 2023

This past year has been quite a roller coaster for Sara and me, and we are both so grateful for all the love, support, prayers, and words of insight that many of you have shared with us along this stretch of the journey. We have also been richly blessed that our story has encouraged others of you to take a deeper look into your own story or marriage and to lean into the greater grace that allows the life of God to shine even brighter. The community surrounding us has enriched our journey with wisdom and encouragement and has lightened our load, as I hope we have theirs.

That said, I also know that our story has been painful for some people to hear. It can be incredibly challenging for those suffering similar pain or darkness who have not yet found their way through it. One person told me they couldn’t finish Wayne’s Happiest Day Ever because my joy was just too overwhelming for them. I understand how someone who’s stuck could feel that way, and I’m always sorry to hear I’ve added to one’s pain. At the same time, however, I wanted people to know that moments of agony can also be followed by seasons of great joy. Sara and I want nothing more in this season than to encourage those who feel adrift in their journey. Father loves you, too, and has a way forward for you.

Ten days ago, we arrived home in Southern California after traveling 7,693 miles across 23 states, having had hundreds of deeply moving conversations with dear friends as well as making many more new ones. We are now living in an apartment contented with joy and gratitude for all that Father has done. Many are asking us what’s next; honestly, we have no idea.

As we look at the days ahead, all we see is a blank canvas. We’re not sure where we will live or what kind of life Father has for us beyond the continued healing of Sara’s traumatic past and our ever-deepening relationship. We are having fun, reveling in the Father’s work and the newfound freedom Sara is discovering daily. We will continue here as we did on the road—taking one day at a time and seeing what seems good to the Spirit and to us.

One thing that means is for us to be incredibly still in December. Over the next month, you’ll hear very little from me. We’re going to take some time to settle into apartment living, look for the next home we hope Father has for us, and to see where all that leads us. So, these will likely be the last public words I write in 2022. I will also not be recording any new podcasts beyond the one airing on December 2.

Good friends tell me that they don’t always keep up with my podcast, and I don’t blame them. There are almost 900 of them back there, and after listening for a  year or two, they mostly have the gist of the important things I share with the world. But the podcasts of the last two years have many notable exceptions. I have learned more in the past two years than I have discovered during any similar period. I had no idea how much I would need that wisdom to walk with God in the unforeseen situations I have faced. Even before we were confronted with Sara’s unresolved childhood trauma, God shaped so many things in my heart to help me walk through it with my eyes and heart firmly on him.

If you missed our story this year, you could catch up by listening to the seven consecutive podcasts we called Redeeming Love. If you’ve missed the best insights I’ve had over those two years, let me give you some other referrals of what Father was teaching me before the events even happened and what he showed me through them. I had no idea the last two years would be such a crash course in learning to follow Jesus, preparing me for those moments when I would have nothing or no one else to rely on.

In a profound invitation to prayer a couple of years ago, I felt like I was in Gethsemane with Jesus. Every time I prayed, I had a foreboding sense that something devastating was about to happen to me and that I would need to be in a place to respond to God’s heart in a specific moment over my inclinations. I thought that would have something to do with my message to the world, and I had no idea that it would be a challenge far greater and far closer to home. That “Gethsemane prayer” lasted for three months. It was a fantastic season of yielding to him, without which I would have been able to endure the strange and painful circumstances that unfolded in my life over the last two years.

During that time, I also learned to Gaze with God at the circumstances before me rather than only gazing at him as I offered him my prayer requests. Just recognizing that God has a different view of almost everything than I do, shaped my heart in beautiful ways. Now I sit with him, looking at whatever is before me and asking him how he sees it. Sometimes that takes a few minutes, but his perspective often unfolds over days and weeks. When his view settles in my heart, it gives me a different way to respond than I would have in the past. His ways almost always challenge me, and it takes a significant measure of trust to take the road he has for me.

After my Gethsemane season passed and while I waited to see what might come of it, Jesus taught me that the essence of living loved is to be secure in his love, at rest in his power, and enjoying his playfulness. We called it Love, Rest, and Play. Not only has this opened fresh doors in relating to him, but it has also begun to shape my relationships with others, most of all with Sara. Learning to love, being at rest with each other, and being playful is the essence of healthy relationships.

Now, Riding the Wind of his Spirit is less complicated and not as hard to discern. Sensing the movement of God in and around the relationships or challenges of circumstances lets me know my place in them—what I can fix and mostly what I can’t. God moves at a very different pace than I do, which is why I find myself often Running Ahead of Him instead of letting him move first when the time is ripe. When God asked me to slow down to Sara’s pace, I eventually realized that Father’s pace is slower yet. That’s not because he doesn’t care; it’s that he does real stuff, not cosmetic fix-ups. When I live slower, I recognize him more efficiently, and I’m not caught up in the frantic pace of 21st Century life.

It has also shaped my prayer life, showing me how to Hold Space in Prayer over time for a loved one or even for specific groups of people around the world, such as my friends in Kenya, traumatized people, or those in bondage to religious obligation. Instead of throwing a bunch of requests for God to do what I think best, I can sit with them in Father’s presence as his work unfolds. Prayer has become so much more meaningful and effective.

I now appreciate fully what Annie Dillard calls The Scandal of Particularity. God’s work is so intimate that he works quite differently with each of his children and with such particular interventions that there’s no way to mass produce it. Most things that matter cannot be codified into principles or steps others can follow. If we’re going to help people find Jesus’ salvation, we will want to offer them A Caring Heart and a Listening Ear. (That last podcast, with a friend from Oklahoma City, is probably the most powerful conversation I’ve ever had about real ministry and how his kingdom comes into the world.)  This season has also redefined my view of salvation and how we have so cheapened it by making it about heaven and hell instead of Jesus rescuing us from the brokenness of this Creation and the delusions of darkness.

So, here are some resources that might equip you during this month or as the new year begins. Much of this unfolds in the Transforming Love podcasts that will comprise the heart of the new book I’m working on: So, You Really Want to Follow Jesus? We will finish that series in a couple more podcasts early in 2023.

Sara and I want you to know the fullness of his freedom, not just in eternity, but more importantly in the present. That’s what his salvation was meant to do—bind up the brokenhearted and set the oppressed free. And as you learn to live in his love, it will serve you well also to discover how to gaze with God in prayer, how to recognize his nudges that will guide you through the trials and opportunities coming your way, and be equipped to bring his kingdom into the world with a caring heart and a listening ear.

And now, here are a few things that might be of interest:

So, as Sara and I begin this time of reflection and rest, discovering how God wants us to build a life of love in this next season, we pray that you have all the light and courage that you need to continue to follow him, too, and see what glory he has to unfold in your life with each passing day.

A Pathway to Living Loved

4 Comments / Behind the Scenes / December 16, 2022

Tomorrow, I’ll post my last blog of the year. I’m excited to share that with you, but I woke up this morning with a desire to respond to many of the emails I get about helping people discover just how deeply loved they are by God.

My email box often vacillates between two kinds of emails. Many are grateful for my book, He Loves Me, and tell me how reading that book changed the trajectory of their entire spiritual journey. For the first time, they came to know how much God loved them and began to realize their freedom from the boredom and bondage of religious obligation.

I get many others that are quite the opposite, people pleading for help. “You talk about a love of God I don’t know. Can you help me find him?” Or, “I have never been able to feel the love of God.” It’s these emails I care about most. I realize some of them have read He Loves Me, but most have not. I realize books alone cannot convince you that God loves you. That’s his to do. But I also know that He Loves Me, and the free audio Transition, can help you create the mental environment to dislodge the paralysis of religious thinking enough so that you can recognize God as he is making himself known to you.

Every day, God is surrounding you with his love, knocking on your heart so that you can discover it. However, the way we’ve learned to navigate the world or try to perform to appease God draws our eyes away from his fingerprints and presence just to survive the challenges or distractions of daily life. For those of you who feel lost in discovering how loved you are, please give some time to these two resources. Better yet, find a couple of friends to read or listen with you, so that your conversations can encourage the truth of his love to fill your heart.

Many have also found Live Loved Free Full, a daily devotional I wrote a couple of years ago, to be just the daily encouragement they need to set their heart before God in a way that allows them to be re-centered in his love each day. This book contains a thought a day to invite you into the relational space where you can recognize God’s thoughts in you.

These are also great gifts to give to others if you still haven’t found all the Christmas gifts you need for friends and family.  And, to help, I’ve discounted them both. You can pick up Live Loved Free Full for $14.00, and He Loves Me for $10.00 until Christmas Eve. Better yet, get them both for $24.00.

Find the love he has for you. It will change everything!

And if you already have, share the love so people around you can find that freedom as well.

 

Writing the Final Chapter

7 Comments / Encouragement / December 1, 2022

Sara and I are currently in Arlington, TX, for a couple of days, and then we’ll begin writing the final chapter of our RV trip around the U.S. And what a trip it has been. The team is still together; the joy continues to grow. If you haven’t listened to Wayne’s Happiest Day Ever, you might want to give it a listen. It sums up better than I ever could here what is transpiring on this journey.

We appreciate all those who have been praying for us, following our journey here, spending time with us at various spots, and most of all, for your encouragement and prayers. We have had some magnificent conversations on this journey, including one I recorded with a friend in Oklahoma about A Caring Heart and a Listening Ear, which you’ll be able to listen to this Friday at The God Journey.

The confirmation of Father’s work continues to come from so many places. One lady sent this to me after an evening in her home with a group that gathered for conversation:

In listening to Sara tell her story over a relatively short amount of time, I noticed from the first podcast to the later ones how much you could tell her story started to make sense just by how she was talking. It was as if the pieces coming together caused her sentences to go from slightly disjointed fragments of thoughts to beautifully cohesive sentences.  It was like a timeline of healing represented in gramma.  “Sara the Brave” is my new forever perception of her. Keep healing, Sara!

Mine too! For her to tell her story so openly and honestly has opened a massive door for others to trust us with their stories and unresolved pain. The Creation has so much brokenness—people wounded by abuse or delusions. This is why Jesus came, not to give people a get-out-of-hell card, but to save them from broken-heartedness, to free them from oppression, and to dispel the lies that drove them into the darkness.

This experience has been a Godsend for us this season and reshaped our hearts for whatever is next. We begin the last leg of our trip this Friday as we depart the Dallas/Fort Worth areas for our apartment in Southern California. We still have some stops on the way home, but our trajectory has changed once again due to the unseasonably cold weather. We’ll be cutting across the bottom of the U.S. with a stop to visit Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico and catch up with some dear friends along the way. Our final stop will be near Phoenix, AZ, November 21-22.

As we make our way home, we will complete this chapter and be ready to begin another. What will that look like? We have no idea at this point. We set out on August 22 from our former home in Newbury Park, CA, without a plan or itinerary. We thought we’d be home by October 18, but as it turns out, we won’t get there until November 24.

This entire experience with Sara has deepened our walk with God and each other. I’m hopeful that will continue as this story continues to unfold. We have both discovered so much about ourselves, his life in us, and how to hold people’s pain in an entirely different way. We have learned to live more in the present than trusting our familiar patterns and rely on Jesus’ direction rather than our plans. (If you’re curious about some of that, Kyle and I have been talking about most of it on the podcasts this fall.)

Will I finish the book I started before all of this, or travel as I had been before? Will we settle back in Newbury Park? What will become of Lifestream or The God Journey? All those questions are still in Father’s hands. We may come back to those things, but it will be with very different hearts. And we are also open to an entirely different way of living to accommodate what Father has for us in this next season of our lives.

We are excited to see how that will turn out and probably won’t know for some time. We know this—we will continue to follow Jesus as best we see him and love the people he puts in our path so that they can come to know Jesus the way we have and experience his freedom for them.

There is no greater joy than the adventure of following him and encouraging others as they seek to do so as well.

Just a couple of quick notes before we get back to life on the road—

First, the need for $168,000.00 in Kenya has been met. A dear friend called me to say he’d pick up whatever we lacked for those children. I’m deeply grateful to all who again contributed to this dire need. Two nights ago, Sara and I watched an NBC news story about the horrible drought and starvation occurring in the northern reaches of Kenya. We are grateful to have been a small part of God’s provision in such an impoverished region and thankful to hear that other resources are coming into the area.

Second, as you think of Christmas gifts for family and friends, keep in mind the possibility of sharing some of the books I’ve been involved in. Live Loved Free Full is a daily devotional with inspiring thoughts to invite people into a relational engagement with God each day. He Loves Me continues to touch new hearts every year with the relationship people have wanted to find with God. In Season offers a farmer’s view of John 15 to help people discover what it means to abide in Jesus organically. And, A Man Like No Other is a powerful portrayal of the life of Jesus in art and prose that invites people to see Jesus outside the distortions of religious interpretation and fall in love with the person he is.

Finally, Sara and I want you to know that the joy and freedom we find in Jesus are available to each of you. He is no respecter of persons. His course may be very different for you, but he is the Way for you too, and he can carve a path through the pain, fear, and struggles you endure.  To that end, you have our prayers and support.

 

 

 

Another Emergency in Kenya

1 Comment / Uncategorized / November 11, 2022

[Update on Friday, November 11:  As of this morning, we have received all of the funds needed for this project. Thanks for your incredible generosity toward these incredible children and those who are managing for their care.  Of course, the needs will continue there, so if you want to send extra, I’m sure they will put it to good use in future needs in Kenya. However, I did want you to know that this need has been met.]

Before I get to the Kenya news, here’s an update on our journey home. Sara and I are spending a couple of days alone just for fun, and then we’ll begin the push to get home by Thanksgiving.  This has been the most amazing trip and his light and life continue to unfold along the way. We are so grateful.

On the way, we are set for these stops:

  • An afternoon/evening this Friday between Bentonville and Fayetteville, Arkansas
  • Saturday, November 12 – an afternoon (1:30 – 4:30) in Tulsa, OK
  • Sunday, November 13 – an afternoon (3 pm – 6:00 pm) in Edmond, OK
  • After that, we’ll be heading to Dallas and then on to home through Gilbert, Az.

You can get the details on these conversations here.

And we also bring some sad news on the Kenya front. If you’ve followed this story, 300 children were abandoned on the steps of the Forkland School a few months back because of a deepening drought and drug-addicted parents. Our friends there took them in. To help with their care, we purchased additional land and built dormitories for the children to live in a few months ago.

Recently, local government officials have done an evaluation of this new center and say that it is too congested and violates national guidelines meant to protect children from pop-up orphanages that exist mostly to raise money overseas and provide inadequate care to the children. During theur inspection, they began interacting with the children. The public health officer began to feel sorrowful and wept. He saw they were enjoying good education, medication, and food. Surprisingly he said  in front of others, “I don’t have any words to express for the loving people from America who sacrificed their lives and helped to set up this rescue center.”

He added that he didn’t have any capacity to change the rules of the government and he encouraged the children to believe God more and pray more that God would provide a way. He said God could do exceedingly beyond their thinking, and he gave us five thousand dollars to support the children. The physical planning officer said that he would do all the architectural work free of charge and gave it to us on Monday. They joined the children for a short prayer before they left.

Michael, our contact there, added these words:

The hunger which is taking place in Kenya is a great surprise to us. We have never experienced such a horrible time, which has affected almost everyone. Hunger has affected even the lower villages like Forkland now, and suffering is taking place. We have rescued their lives and if they close us down, we are cutting their hope and life forever. We asked the children’s department not to close us down but to give us a chance to find a way to make things according to their recommendations.

We understand that these children are congested because they have to share a bed. The ministry of children recommends one person, one bed and that is why they have new guidelines since the pandemic affected the world.

All the children were supposed to be 300 but one family took ten and took fifteen. This leaves  275 children still in the home. The architectural plan is meant to avoid the collapse of buildings which has been reported in some parts of Kenya. When the officers came to the Rescue Centre, rumors spread that they are closing the home. A sympathetic neighbor sold us land valued at 2.7 million for $30,000 in order to rescue this Centre.

So we appeal again to our brothers and sisters over there to sacrifice once more so that these children may not lose their education and care. We have not yet slept since we were given this short notice. We need $168,000.00 to fulfill the requirements of the government and continue our care for these children.

I know I’ve come to you many times to help with these needs in Kenya. We are winding down our involvment there given new priorities God is asking of us. But we wanted to see if God would stir your hearts one again and provide this critical resource for them. I’ve been involved with these people for many years. Their hearts are sincere, the need is genuine, and they have always been accountable and honest with every thing we have sent hem.

Please pray for them and consider if you might help us this holiday season of gratitude. This is a great way to give something back if you’ve been touched by Sara and my life this year. As always, every dime you give goes directly to them. We take nothing out for financial transfer fees or administration.

If you can help us raise this $168,000 to keep this center open, please see our Donation Page at Lifestream. Just designate “Kenya” in the “Note” of your donation, or email us and let us know your gift is for Kenya. You can also Venmo contributions to “@LifestreamMinistries” or mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or, if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

Heading Home

11 Comments / Uncategorized / November 2, 2022

This. Has. Been. So. Much. Fun.

The return to innocence tour has been an absolute delight on a personal level. It has given me extended time with Sara and our dogs, the healing that keeps flowing from Father’s heart, and the fantastic conversations and friendships Jesus keeps letting us explore. We are both so grateful for this trip in this season of our lives and how his glory just keeps unfolding each day. However, it is time to move more deliberately westward and get home before the Thanksgiving holiday. That’s the plan, anyway.

What a joyful trip we had to Atlanta yesterday, through the peak foliage between Chattanooga and Atlanta, topped off with our gathering that afternoon. It was so good to catch up with people caring for the people of Ukraine or taking some children from troubled homes into their own. Rich conversation, great laughs, and wonderful encouragement filled our day.

Now we’re in Chattanooga for two more days before heading to Nashville for November 2-4. If you want to join us there, there’s a Wednesday night gathering, write me for details.

After that, we may head to Paducah, KY, on Saturday, November 5, and then on to Mountain Home, Arkansas, on November 6 and 7.

We’re not clear exactly where we are going from there. We may go to Branson for a night or two, but we’re also sorting out where it might be best to gather in the area where NW Arkansas, NE Oklahoma, SW Kansas, and SE Missouri all converge. We’ve had a lot of contacts from that region. We can’t stay long, so we’re looking for places that others can get to easily since all of this will mostly be during the week of November 7-11. If you have any ideas that can help us sort that out, please write me.

Eight months ago, neither of us would have conceived of this trip or what the last three months have held for us. I guess that’s why he asked us to follow him, not make plans and ask him to bless them. That’s probably been the most recurring lesson of my spiritual journey. I’ve always done lots of planning, hoping and praying God would use it. Learning to live in God’s unfolding plans has been quite a journey.

Somehow I thought that I had the excellent ideas God needed to get his work done in the world, and I’m sure I carelessly walked by some more amazing trails he was inviting me down if I hadn’t been so preoccupied with my planning. Now, we are seeing more of those roads and enjoying them immensely.

Father has already purposed everything he wants to accomplish in Christ in this broken Creation. He just invites us to come alongside him and be part of his fantastic work. Now, I do far less planning, even on this trip, and yet watch the amazing opportunities he unfolds without my needing to have it planned weeks in advance.

It all seems so simple now, perhaps too simple for those of us who wanted to do things for him (as ineffective as they might be) rather than with him.

 

 

The Seven Best Thoughts So Far

9 Comments / Travelogue / October 25, 2022

A few more days in Virginia—Lynchburg, to be exact—and then we turn westward for the long drive home. We have been traveling through autumn colors since early September in Duluth and have immersed ourselves in its beauty. I want to be like that in the autumn of my life, letting God’s beauty shine through me rather than approaching death angry and bitter.

So, we’ve completed the front nine and are ready to play the holes that take you home. If you have not listened to Wayne’s Happiest Day Ever, you might want to give it a listen. It will tell you much about what God has been doing this season.

And I suspect that the first half of this journey was for Sara and me to process our 46 years of marriage and how the trauma had affected our relationship and embrace the further healing and insight he gave us.

Though that healing will continue for many years to come, the trip home seems to be set up to help us discover new patterns for our life after we return home. I can’t even begin to convey how exciting, fresh, and joyful this stretch of the journey is for both of us.

So here are a few of our notes from the first half of the journey.

  1. There are so many incredible Christ-followers in the world. We’ve had deep fellowship wherever we’ve been and heard some beautiful stories about the ways in which God works. We have been with many of those friends that were instrumental in carrying Sara and me through our days of separation and pain and stood with us as God opened up the fantastic doors of revelation, healing, and more profound love. Jesus’ church in the world is alive and well, a community that spans the whole world with a wealth of wisdom, insight, and compassion.
  2. A return to innocence is possible even beyond trauma. I see it every day in Sara’s growing freedom. The childhood she missed is being recaptured in the present. The loss of shame, the looks of wonder at the world around her, and the spontaneous laughter all attest to this growing freedom, and we want others to know it is there for them too. That’s why Jesus died to restore the innocence of the Garden, from which we can explore a new attunement with God. We know Sara’s transformation has been ridiculously quick, but the foundation was laid for it thirty years ago when we began to learn how to live in the affection of the Father.
  3. Attunement is quickly becoming one of our favorite words, both with Sara and me and with God and us. Attunement is more than good communication with another; it means we are tuning to another’s mind and heart and letting that impact our own. (Colossians 1:9-12) Dr. Dan Siegel defines it this way, “When we attune with others, we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another. This resonance is at the heart of the important sense of “feeling felt” that emerges in close relationships. Children need attunement to feel secure and to develop well, and throughout our lives, we need attunement to feel close and connected.” Extended time together and really listening to the other is key to strengthening the bonds of attunement. When I live my day attuned to God, I can see his way forward even through great pain.
  4. There is so much unresolved pain in the world. You can be both an incredible Christ-follower and also be journeying through some dark places in your heart—whether that is caused by unreconciled trauma or by painful circumstances of betrayal or family dysfunction. 
  5. Unfortunately, many people try to pray away the symptoms of their pain rather than probe the source of it. Be it fear, anger, loneliness, or shame, those are often responses to believing something about yourself or God that isn’t true. You may have no idea what it is, but he does, and he can be the Way to lead you to his freedom and fullness.
  6.  There is a rhythm of joy flowing from the heart of Jesus every day despite the depth of pain we may carry. Look for him in the beauty around you, the stillness of your heart, and the tears running down your cheeks. He is there, and his heartbeat can show you ways forward you have yet to consider.
  7. Finding the best cinnamon rolls in each state is a worthy and highly satisfying objective. Enough said.

So, where do we go from here? It’s a fluid schedule, but we are considering this route home:

  • Damascus, VA
  • Chattanooga, TN
  • Atlanta day trip from Chattanooga
  • Nashville, TN
  • Arkansas
  • Oklahoma City, OK
  • Dallas, TX
  • Abilene, TX
  • Lubbock, TX
  • Carlsbad, NM
  • Las Cruces, NM
  • Phoenix, AZ
  • Camarillo, CA

It is a flexible routing since we really don’t know where the wind of the Spirit might blow us on this journey home. We expect things to unfold like they did coming out, but we do hope to be home in time to celebrate Thanksgiving.

And, no, we don’t have dates yet or locations where we might be at larger gatherings. But this trip is more about conversations than meetings, so if you’re somewhere along that route and want to connect with us as we move through, please don’t be bashful. Could you write me and let me know? We’ll do what we can but can’t promise to meet all requests.

 

The Decision Is In

7 Comments / Travelogue / October 12, 2022

We are nearing peak leaf color here in NW Ohio, and it is fabulous. Sitting out in the backyard with a group of people yesterday with a cascade of leaves occasionally spilling out of the trees around us was nearly magical. The conversations were even better as we shared God’s life together, struggled with issues of trauma, legalism, and abuse, and looked for ways to live deeply in Father’s affection. We were also able to renew dear and deep friendships.

However, it is time to move on from here and continue our journey. Where to next has not been an easy decision to make.  Originally, we thought we might turn home from here, but the beauty of fall is too compelling, and though we’ve had lots of invites east of here, it seems good to us and the Holy Spirit to head toward the Shenandoah Valley and the Blue Ridge while the leaves are moving toward peak there.

It just isn’t time to go home yet. Sara and I are enjoying this journey with our two dogs (you can see them resting in the conversation yesterday in the above photo), and all that Father is revealing to us and healing in our hearts. So, we’re going to move on a bit further and see where this all leads.

So, today we leave Ohio and push eastward.  First, to West Virginia for one night and then on to The Shenandoah Valley for the rest of the week. This is what our schedule looks like:

•  October 10:  Collinsville, PA

•  October 11-13: Shenandoah Valley, PA (Har

•  October 14-18: Charlottesville, VA

•  October 18-22: Lynchburg, VA

There will likely be open meetings in Harrisonburg, Charlottesville and I hope in Lynchburg, VA. We are keeping meetings to a minimum, but we also want to encourage others as we continue this journey. Details will be announced here when we have them.

From there it looks like we’ll begin to work our way west, perhaps through North Carolina, Tennessee, Arkansas, Oklahoma, and home.  But all of that is subject to change.

 

Our Readers Are So Amazing

1 Comment / Behind the Scenes, Kenya / October 4, 2022

Sara and I arrived in Ohio yesterday in what seems to be an incredibly providential sense of timing. For the last week, Sara has had a new emerging memory about a harrowing childhood incident, and its unfolding climaxed on her birthday last Thursday.   We think this may prove to be a tremendous gift from God. Sshe has never enjoyed celebrating her birthday, but she didn’t know why until this all unfolded.

As the memory was clarifying last Thursday night in which three family members were complicit in her abuse, she suddenly realized it was on the day of her sixth birthday. Also, as we’ve been nearing Ohio, there has been a growing apprehension in her heart about returning to the scene of the crime just by being back in Ohio, where she grew up.

As we shared some of that around a firepit last night with a group God brought together near Indy, several people had the impression that this was God redeeming not just Sara’s life but her story. It appears this recovering memory timed at this point in our journey is his way of restoring her past and her birthday. There is no darkness he cannot redeem, no loss that his love cannot restore.

So, we’ll see what more God does this week, but I swear I am in the middle of the most amazing work of transformation I’ve ever witnessed this close at hand. The revelations, the responsiveness, and the redemption are so incredibly beautiful to behold as Father is inviting Sara into exquisite freedom.

Also, I want to add my thanks to Michael and Thomas below for the money many of you sent to help in Kenya. Within a few days of my posting their request for money to help starving tribes in the north, we had the total amount to send to them. The picture above is the food already being distributed to the people near Turkana. Thank you so much for holding these dear people in your heart and for responding with such kindness and generosity.

I received this from the team there the other day:

Dear brother Wayne and the team, may the Lord bless all of you over there for the quick response.

We have come to this place since we first drilled wells here eight years ago.   Reaching this place actually is extremely hard. We took around eight hours driving through the bad terrains and loose stones – that make our truck o slip.

But we still in this place. Our truck has been completely damaged the engine and gearbox, after the first destination of food donations because we had another hired truck that was able to move on and continue distributing the food.

We shall be here till we complete the feeding program and share the message of Christ. Brother Wayne, we were really surprised to see the people who cannot be able to access medical and school in this region. The people in this area are so far behind, like they are in the 1950s.  We are so grateful to share the message of Christ and food. Thank you so much for stretching your hands towards the needs, so we are making sure that the donation of food is reaching everybody, although it cannot be enough for all people.

If we could get another 200 bags of maize, we can extend to more families which will help them for a while. We also appreciate the government for distributing dozens of bundles of food in far end northern parts of Kenya  

Yours,

Brother Michael and Thomas

The needs continue here, including truck repair and more food. If you are moved to help them, we’d be happy to pass your gift along to them. As always, every dollar you send us gets to the people in Kenya, and all contributions are tax-deductible in the US. We do not take out any administrative or money transfer fees. 

Please see our Donation Page at Lifestream. Just designate “Kenya” in the “Note” of your donation, or email us and let us know your gift is for Kenya. You can also Venmo contributions to “@LifestreamMinistries” or mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or, if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

Thank you for your consideration and prayers for the people of Kenya.

One final thing: There is an imposter out there with a Facebook page and Instagram account that mimics mine in graphics and posting. It is labeled “Pastor-Wayne Jacobsen.” I’ve tried to get Facebook to remove it, and they haven’t. He uses this and a Venmo account to try to raise funds from this audience. Please, be aware of this scam. That money is going into his pocket and not the needs you think you’re giving to. The ‘Pastor’ title gives it away. I do not use that title in anything I do, nor ever will.

Finding God’s Rhythm in the Darkness

2 Comments / What I'm Reading / September 27, 2022

It’s finally out!

I read this book over a year ago to Sara on one of our driving trips to Denver to be with our son. It’s the second part of the three-part Velieri Uprising, a series of books that take on big themes like identity, spiritual warfare, and human conflict in a fictional setting. Here’s the endorsement I wrote for the book:

Intimate as well as epic. Tessa Van Wade has crafted a compelling adventure of a young woman’s search for her soul while on the run from those who would destroy her to save themselves On the fate of the world hangs in the balance.  Entertaining and eye-opening!

If you haven’t read Part 1, Out of the Shadows, you will want to start there. In it, Tessa sets up this fantastic world where forces of good and evil converge through the perspective of a young woman who finds out her past was much more than she ever thought it was. Is she the Willow she believes she is, or is she Remy, a warrior who was killed battling a savage enemy that a mysterious stranger says she is? Accepting his version will change her forever.

Deep Trace is the second book, and like no other book I’ve read, it unpacks how we “take every thought captive (2 Cor. 11:5)” so that we can focus on the rhythm of God coursing through our veins. I was going through a complicated relationship in my life at the time, and this book described so well what I faced and how to work through it.

Where the first book is a thrilling action read, this one is a psychological struggle to win over the thoughts of darkness preying on her mind and to find that heartbeat of God’s wisdom and direction that would prevail over the lies and pretensions of darkness. Tracing is what the enemy does to draw into his lies and illusions. Deep tracing is how we get underneath those attempts and find God’s peaceful rhythm that allows us to push aside those things that seek to manipulate us.

I’ve called it The Matrix meets The Hunger Games, but with a powerful redemptive theme. It is a fantastic read that will stir your heart and help you be more aware of how it is that God invites us into his ways.

Then, I got this email yesterday from someone who just read Deep Trace. Here’s what they said:

Deep Trace reminded me of the Divergent series, Inception, and the Matrix all in one, but with added spiritual awareness. I find the exploration of trauma timely, given the conversations that have been swirling around The God Jouney (as well as mine and the group of which I’m part) of late! I can tell I will be chewing on this one for awhile, and re-reading it at some point, since I almost swallowed it whole.

There’s a third book coming down the pike to wind this story up, but you won’t be disappointed reading this one and how this story unfolds. She describes a battle we are all engaged in and gives some helpful cues to find our way out of the darkness and discover how to pace ourselves in God’s light.

You can find out more about Tessa from her website.

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