It is a quiet morning in Alberta Canada on a lovely early-fall day. I had some quiet moments to catch up on some email this morning. I found one that was titled ‘Quick Question’. I know that many others are asking the same question he is, so I thought I’d let you peek over my shoulder at this exchange:
A question I wanted to ask you when you visited here but forgot.
How do I get more of Jesus (and there are a raft of questions behind this – which are ‘solved’ if I knew my Saviour better). I feel I am walking around this mountain so many times the groove I’ve walked is soooo deep I can see over the edge – I’m desperate to stop.
Here’s what I wrote back: The question you ask may be quick in the asking, but it is not so quick to answer. Regretfully, I don’t think I have enough context to answer with any specificity for you and your situation. The reasons for feeling like you’re walking around the mountain in a deep groove could be many, and I have no idea which is yours.
But the simplest thing to say would be to get out of the rut. Whatever it is that you’re doing isn’t working, so perhaps it is time to stop doing at all.
Remember when the rich young ruler asked Jesus what must he DO? He got an interesting answer. In short, it is my conviction Jesus was trying to tell him that it is not in his doing at all. “what is impossible with man, is possible with God.” This is God’s doing not ours.
So perhaps you just wake up every morning and ask Father to make himself known to you. Whatever inkling he puts on your heart, follow! Make sure it is his inkling and not the religious performance voices of the past. If you hear nothing, don’t worry about it. Just keep asking. He may be needing to unwire some things in you as his person becomes clearer to you. This is a dance with him in the lead. Your part is to be flexible and follow as he takes you in hand and dances you through life. Yes, I realize that may sound frustratingly impractical, but I can assure you it is not. It is the way Father works. He wants us to know throughout that it is not our effort that earns his presence, but our simple willingness to simply be his child in the earth. If it takes months, even a year or more, do not despair. He is working in you at a deeper level than you see. You will in time feast on the fruits of it.
Dear Brother, ask him to do this work in you. Learn to relax in the reality that his love wants this for you more than you want it for yourself. He just told us to keep on asking, keep on seeking, keep on knocking and that would be enough for him to tear down all in us that resists him—our fears, doubts, shame, ego-needs and performance demands—and he will open the door of his heart and home very wide to receive us.
Whenever I’m feeling a bit distant from his reality, I follow this same advice, and find that somehow, somewhere, I’ve gotten more focused on my efforts than his grace and love. And in the simplicity of rest and surrender, I come alive again in his presence.
I truly hope that helps. Of course, you may need a brother to help you individually process the specifics of what is going on in you relative to his working. But if that is needed at this stage, he will provide that as well.
I hope that is helpful to him and many others of you. It is in