Uncategorized

I get this email a lot. In fact I got two of them last week. I think you’ll enjoy the exchange:

I know you get this more than a lot, but I am totally lonely! I’ve been on this journey since the summer of 2009 when the So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore book came across my path. I feel isolated, and today I am going to a “church” just to be around other Christians, but yet I don’t want to go back! But I miss being around the people who at least seemed to know God. I do not miss the sermons and all the bells and whistles of Sunday mornings though. I guess I have to ask, after two years almost, how does this work? I’ve been depressed but I do not want to go back to the system, for real. I miss fellowship.

My response: Sorry you’re having some difficulty finding some folks to travel with. And believe me, I know how lonely it can feel. But fellowship is not to fill our loneliness. That ultimately can only be swallowed up by a loving Father as he continue to makes himself known to you and shows you how to follow him. He knows the fellowship you desire and he will bring it into your life as you simply begin to love the people God has already put around you. They may not even be believer yet, but as you simply grow in learning to care about them and recognize those God’s wants to give you a friendship with.

That doesn’t mean you can’t try out fellowships, look on line from others from your area. All of those can be helpful in this process. You may even find some in a more traditional congregation. Not all congregations are harmful. There are some out there who help people get to know Jesus and provide some wonderful relationships. Let him lead you and try not to be anxious. Sometimes it is better to go it alone with Jesus for a bit and learn to live in him rather than try to do that in a religious setting that trades in guilt and performance.

But be assured of this, Father knows the fellowship that he wants to bring into your life. Look where you can, but beyond your own abilities, know that he is at work. Right now I suspect God wants you to learn dependence in him so when others come along, you can find the friendships that trust in him allows as people encourage each other to live loved. It is a process. I know this isn’t the easiest part, but as you get through this season you’ll find it well worth it…

Just this morning I got this in return:

Thank you brother Wayne. This is the wisest piece of advice I’ve gotten since I met the Lord 11 years ago, when everything my bible study pastor told me came as fresh water because it was new and enlightening. I just felt the same way, and I so appreciate the time you have taken to answer my e-mails and that my e-mail didn’t go to a black hole. And thank you for not banging my head with scripture.

I will really be using the advise you just gave me and yes I “heard” my Lord saying to me the same thing yesterday, that I need to depend on Him alone (by the way I did not end up going to the congregation; I couldn’t; I just went to the beach to be with Him). I finally understood what a journey life is, it amazingly clicked inside of me, and that the journey is to be traveled with Him. I also finally understood the passage where Jesus says for us not to make treasures on Earth but rather in heaven, and I came to the realization that the treasures can be life itself, family, friends, a job, a career, children, parents, boyfriend, pets etc. as beautiful as all this can be, and that the treasures in heaven is Him, at least for now that’s what I understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

it is a journey. These things work out in time as we simply live inside the love he has for us and learn to love others around us in the process.

You might also try these podcasts on a similar subject…

I am off again, this time to one of my favorite places—New England. I wish it were fall, or at least spring, but it seems to still be a bit cold back there after a long dark winter, as I hear it from many. I’m going to get to hang out with friends old and new, and talk about one of my favorite subjects—how God won us to his affection through the cross.

I am often asked, “What does it take to get Wayne to come visit our group?” It almost sounds like it is an impossible task, especially in the last few years when people thought my popularity had increased and it was all that much more difficult or costly for me to come. That is not true. While the last few years have been a nightmare trying to navigate in the shadow of the popularity of THE SHACK and the increased interest in two of my other titles, my passion to help others on this journey has not changed. And I find that far more effective in a living room of 20 or 30 than I do a conference hall of hundreds.

God asked me to engage that craziness for a season, but it has not been an enjoyable season and it complicated my life in so many ways. For the last six months I’ve been seeking to lay all of that down to get back to that which I love most, communicating with people about this journey, whether it be through writings, recordings, or personal visits. All have a different capacity to communicate and help encourage God’s unfolding kingdom in the world.

So what does it take to get Wayne to come for a visit? It really isn’t that complicated. All of my trips start with an invitation. Ask. Then both of us can begin to pray about a timing and a purpose. When God gives us both a clear “go” for the same timing, then we move ahead with the planning. That’s really it. I don’t charge an appearance fee or even make sure the group can cover my expenses. My thinking is this. If Father has it on his heart then he will provide everything we need to make to make it happen. And I don’t schedule very far out, usually 2-3 months domestically, so that I can be more flexible to engage those more propitious moments where a crisis or a critical transition make it most helpful for me to be with a specific group.

And while I already have more invitations to travel than I can probably fulfill in the next two years, I don’t handle requests in the order they were received. They all go on a list and we pray over them to see what Father has in mind. The sense that I’ve had over the last few months is that some people are reticent to follow through with some nudge Father put on their heart because they are afraid I’m too busy. If people do that, however, we’ll both miss some exciting things he might have in store.

So, no, I’m not writing this because I lack invitations, but simply to let those who have had something they think God might have put on their heart and dismissed it because they thought I’d be too busy, to think again. I’m always looking for those opportunities that have Father smile on them, to help people discover the depths of Father’s affections, help groups discover how to engage a relational community that will free God to work in their midst, to connect people in an area who don’t know others near them might be on a similar journey to theirs and to help equip those who have a heart to help others grow on this journey. And I love hanging out, making new friends, and seeing what Father is about in the world.

I generally assume that anyone who reads this blog also listens to my podcast over at The God Journey, but I find out from time to time that isn’t always the case.

I do get a lot of email from people who deal with their adult children struggling with same-sex attraction, especially how they can continue to love their kids even though they are not supportive of their lifestyle on moral grounds. The podcast this week features an OB/GYN from Austin, Texas whom I met at a conference last fall. She has an interesting story of growing up a believer, discovering same-sex attraction in her teens and then living that lifestyle for nearly twenty years before her passion for God collided with her lifestyle. Through it all she had a mom who loved and prayed for her through those long years.

She was in California recently and Brad and I had the chance to interview here for this week’s podcast. You can listen to it here. She also gave us a list of resources for people struggling with sexual brokenness in their own lives, or in someone else they love.

The Living Loved Education Center has opened to provide schooling for the children


One of the students reciting a lesson in the school room


Lunch time for three of the students


Hanging doors in the almost-finished new construction

As you can see, the school has opened and the final touches are being completed on the new buildings just in time for the rainy season. This is a far cry from where these children used to live. Sara and I are so grateful for those children, and for all of you who have made this happen. When I was in Pennsylvania this weekend, someone handed me a $1,000 check to add to the fund. I was blown away. There are still more needs as we open this orphanage and ensure the staff can be paid. Michael wrote this today:

Dear Brother Wayne, I am so excited to report to you and thank you very much for the amount you send, it is enough it has help us to cover for all remaining issues, this inclusive the water and everything. Right now we are working out for the side of roofing and everything is going well until we finished. We have bought all the materials including paying the water in some days in advance. Thank you very much for your understanding about these special issues that have arisen. I am really blessed to see that the big number of the children are in the centre. We have enrolled enough teacher to start working immediately and other care takers along with other workers which I will be sending to you their information soon as possible. We are still working with some children to get their birth certificates in Eldoret.

Michael also included a special request, somewhat sheepishly, knowing how much people have already given. In all we have sent to help in Kenya, he has not taken one dime for his own household though he cares for 16 children in his own home. One of those, Petronilah, has grown into a young woman and has been accepted into nursing school in Uganda. However both her parents are dead and no one has any money to scholarship her eduction. To date, Michael has not asked anything for his own household, but would like to see this young woman take the opportunity. The cost is $2600 for the first year and $1800 for each year for the next two years. I find myself hoping there is someone, or some group of people out there who have not yet had the ability to participate in the ongoing need in Kenya, who would be willing to take on this need and bless this young woman with a nursing degree that will bring tremendous blessing to her life and her country. We can provide a tax-deduction for all contributions and the conduit to get her the money. If you would be interested in covering this need, please write me directly. If others of you just want to give a portion to her, feel free to do so as well. Just note that your gift is for “scholarship.” (UPDATE 3/17: A family on the east coast wrote to let us know that they would underwrite the full cost of her education. So this need has now been covered. I am so deeply touched by the generosity of people!)

Thanks again for your consideration. For more information on our project here, you can read this earlier blog. If you would like to be part of this to support these brothers and sisters and see the Gospel grow in this part of Africa, please see our Sharing With the World page at Lifestream. You can either donate with a credit card there, or you can mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560-1 Newbury Rd #313 • Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

I’m finishing up today in Lancaster, PA before heading home tomorrow morning and here’s what appeared in my inbox yesterday. My daughter takes the most amazing photos of her children. This is Austin, our newest. He is just over three weeks old and he is really at this stage a pretty laid back baby. Julie is enjoying that.

When I first saw this two words sprang to mind. Rest and trust. Is there anything more adorable than a baby at rest? Last night we talked about the rest God has invited us into, ceasing from our own labors and living in his working (Hebrews 3-4). How do we find that rest, by a growing trust in his love.

Austin has no idea yet of the uncertainties and circumstances that will confront him as life unfolds. Perhaps that’s why it is easier for him to be at ease. But we who do know those uncertainties can also know a Father who is bigger than anything that challenges us. All the uncertainties and all the pain can be swallowed up in him.

This is how I want my spirit to be at rest in the Father’s love today. I can rest in him because I trust his love for me and that nothing in my life is greater than he. As he draws us into that confidence we no longer have to struggle in our own efforts to control our lives, but simply watch and respond to God’s hand as he works in us and around us.

No wonder Paul lost confidence in the capabilities of his own flesh and sought to be found in him with a growing trust in the Father’s nature. That’s were real life, and Father’s rest, are found.

What a crazy few weeks it has been since my last trip to Canada. We were blessed to add another grandchild to our quiver and get to know him as well as continuing to train Abby, our new Golden retriever puppy. I’m also doing a ton of writing these days to represent the books I’ve done on the Father’s Vineyard from John 15. I can’t believe how much has changed in my heart since I wrote the first version of that book. Sheesh! While I love the heart of that book, much of it reeked with the old performance-based discipleship I was caught up in the time. I’m enjoying having the opportunity to reframe that material inside the Father’s affection, but it turned out to be far more work than I thought it would be. Thank God for growth!

But tomorrow it’s jet time again. It’s been awhile since I was last in Pennsylvania so I am looking forward to hanging out with folks in the Harrisburg/Lancaster area this weekend. If you haven’t heard about it yet and want to join us, you can get the details here.

That blank is usually filled in with “husband” or “wife”, but it is sometimes used with “congregation” or “house church.”

I understand their concern. They are excited about the fresh relational journey they are on, discovering how to live loved and are finding the institutional approach they are involved in to be counterproductive to the community they desire. Our first thought is how do we get others to embrace our journey and help us accomplish what we want. As noble as it may be, this approach never ends well. The moment we are trying to get someone else to see what we see, we become a manipulator of their journey, rather than a friend alongside them.

Trying to convince others that they should want what you want will destroy your relationships, not build them as this recent email exchange demonstrates. The writer was concerned about getting his wife, his neighbors and his faith community to embrace the journey he was on. Concerned that their own approaches would fail them he wanted to know what secrets I had to getting other people to see these things.

Here’s how I responded: Not knowing you or the others involved in this circumstance make it nearly impossible for me to know how to advise you here. It does seem like you’re a bit more anti-institutional that God needs you to be. Why wouldn’t you rejoice that your neighbor and his wife are opening the door to Jesus again? Don’t you think he is bigger than whatever weaknesses are part of the religious club they are now going to?

It is an impossible task to get someone else to come on this journey. That isn’t your job and others will only resent you when you try. All you need to do is go on this journey and in the going let God make you a better lover of your wife right where she’s at. This podcast may help you. Read Romans 14 and the first part of 15 in the Message about enjoying your journey but not imposing it on others. If she sees the journey you’re on as an added pressure for her to conform, it won’t be helpful. Even asking for her opinion on Transitions, she might well be recognizing as a pressure to listen to something she really isn’t ready to listen to yet. These are some things that have helped Sara and me on this journey. I hope they help you too.

He wrote back:

Thanks for your straight answer. Though I am not ‘militantly anti-institutional’, I am into life with Jesus being more than the 1/7 of the week in which we participate in dysfunction. Interestingly enough, our ‘church’ is having an intervention and we were given two suggestions to turn things around and I am willing to work as God requires of me to drive our community into more loving relationships with each other.

I read Romans 14-15 in NIV, and I believe I got it. It is not about getting others to believe what I believe we are free to do. I am currently listening to your unequally yoked podcast. I’ll have to listen to it a couple times. It is good. Thanks for sharing your journey via podcasts! I was approaching this situation with the wrong heart. Thanks for shooting straight.

To which I responded: But just so you know, you cannot “work as God requires of me to drive our community into more loving relationships with each other.” You can’t drive people into love, you can only invite them. And you can live with Jesus all seven days of the week whether they desire to or not. Changing them is not the goal. Living free will have far more impact on you and them!

And then he wrote back:

Oh man, so much to learn! It sounds like a simple thing, ‘living loved’. I guess, I can drive them if I invite them into my car :). I’ve definitely started the journey. I don’t know if there is a lot to learn so much as ‘unlearn’. Man, isn’t it amazing how much has to unlearn over the course of time? I was saved 11 years ago, and things were so fresh and new and then I went to Bible College, and only a couple years ago have shed the bulk of Phariseeism, only to find, I still am a creature of habits that need letting go. Not saying that one has a final revelation of God’s love when they first come into that relationship, but it is so much more pure than what happens over the course of time when you get stuck in playing the religious games.

Those who have been working on the site, pose to celebrate the completion of the refurbished building.


The bed frames are ready to be moved in.


The first 25 children move into the refurbished facility with their new bedding, which was provided by the Kenyans. It was a day of great joy for all involved in this project.


The walls are topped out on the new construction and the roofing has begun. The puppy on the bottom left of the picture will be one of the guard dogs for the compound.

They are making great progress and your generous donations keep flowing in to make this all possible. I am wonderfully blessed to watch this all unfold, connecting some of God’s resource to an incredible need. For those of you not up to speed on this, we are helping a group of 72 orphans growing up in a slum in Eldoret to move into a safer and more sanitary facility. The Kenyans we are working with have been sharing the load with us and it is such a joy to see the faces of these children moving into their new home. Construction costs and state demands have increased the costs of this orphanage from the original estimates. Surprise! Surprise! But I am confident that the people we are working with there are being incredibly cost conscious and doing whatever they can themselves to help this project along.

Here is the most recent report from Michael:

The team are praying over here for the completion of the center. This is very big and huge building beyond our expectations. It means that our budget was almost shallow but we thank God that His presences is with us. As I told you earlier that the first team of twenty five kids as been arrived in the centre as you may see the pictures our members has donated the mattresses and the blankets. We have also seen the possibility of this kids to have the school in the center to avoid raising the amount for the surrounding schools. So we may be examining those who are qualified and trained teachers to start working immediately. I thank God that the representatives from the local government are closely with us over here since we completed refurbishing of the building. They are trying to help so that we may follow the procedures. We also need to start working out how we shall buying the facilities in the centre to help the children as well as the utensils before we move out. We need this before we move out since we are advised that the children need to start learning. We are concerned about the uniform and shoes for the education and we are believing in prayers that God is so faithful for every step. I thank God for joining us together for such time as this where we could needs love and care. Your message it has transformed thousands of souls through this ministry and I believe that this will continue so that we may remain as a light to the world.

Thanks to all of you who continue to participate here. For more information on our project here, you can read this earlier blog. If you would like to be part of this to support these brothers and sisters and see the Gospel grow in this part of Africa, please see our Sharing With the World page at Lifestream. You can either donate with a credit card there, or you can mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560-1 Newbury Rd #313 • Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

As you can imagine I get the Hebrews 10:25 question a lot. This email exchange might interest others of you who are wrestling with this same issue. My recent newsletter also talks more The Church Jesus is Building in our world today and how we can participate in it.

I wonder if you could give me some input as I struggle with the whole “church” issue? I’m no Bible scholar by any means, but I do get curious enough to look into this or that word. When I looked up the word from Heb. 10:25, “…not forsaking our own assembling together…” I discovered that it’s from a Greek word, “episunagoge” and means, “a complete collection; gathering together. It’s from “episunago” which means, “to collect upon the same place.” From your comments I wonder, do you feel then that this this kind of “collecting upon the same place” gathering is not necessary?

I actually have many really good, deep, Christian relationships, which I maintain with gratefulness to the Lord. But I also desire the kind of gathering that Paul described when he said, “When you assemble, each one has a psalm, has a teaching, has a revelation, has a tongue, has an interpretation. Let all things be done for edification.” Can you give me any input here? What is your thinking on this? We left the institutional church last October, and have been getting into the (Scriptures) and fellowship around the Lord together. It’s not that we desire to make or create a house church just to have a house church, as if that’s our goal. I see Jesus and the disciples spending time together in serving God, and I think that this is the real model for us to live by. So they collected upon the same place while Jesus was with them in His flesh. Also I was thinking that after Jesus’ ascension God gave gifts for the building up of each other, and that seems to present the “episunagoge” gathering concept.

My response: I love getting together with believers as well and sharing our journeys together as well as the gifts and insights God gives each one. It’s HOW we do that that’s important. House church can be a great tool, if people come to really engage God and each other. It can be a really sick substitute if people are committed to house church not other brothers and sisters.

So I understand your hunger and your concerns about Hebrews 10. But Hebrews 10 is not primarily talking about a meeting, it is talking about connecting in relationships and walking alongside each other in that way. And this was to a group of people who WANTED to do so, but were so afraid of the persecution that being together put them at risk. The writer is telling them that being together anyway is worth the risk for the encouragement it offers. That’s a far cry from being an obligation for Christians to get together.

Here’s what I know. Believers who love each other will get together. That’s what friends and family do. My kids and grandkids get together every week or two. We don’t do it because we have to, because we’re trying to form a family, or any other reason other than we love each other and enjoy being together. Community is like that too. When we have people we care about we will be together. What so many groups miss is that the relationship must take precedence over the meetings. Meetings are a byproduct, not the method or the goal. If we’ll engage caring relationships first and begin to find a common heart together over dinner and evenings together as friends, we will find time to gather together as that network expands. I think it’s backwards to start a meeting first and hope friendships grow out of that. They can, but rarely do. I’ve been to many home groups where people meet together regularly but it is obvious they don’t really care about each other, spend time with each other beyond the meeting, or are truly friends in Christ. Believe me, that’s pretty empty.

I don’t know how God will accomplish this in you and your area, but I know as you follow him, he’ll begin to connect you to people when he is ready and those connections can become a link into real community. We’ve got a group of folks that are just beginning to link up here. We’re not, however, starting a weekly meeting, just encouraging people to build friendships and then see how God might want us to gather. It may be sporadically and spontaneously, or something more set. It’s really up to him. We’re more focused on just sharing the journey…

Wow! Thank you very much!! I feel that what you are saying is so profound in our day and time, and I could sense the Holy Spirit in me bearing witness to your words. I’m so grateful as I’ve been wrestling with the “church issue” to read your wisdom, that I almost feel like crying. You have put a clear light on it for me, and I appreciate your kindness so much. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I did an interview yesterday with an Aussie, Mick Mooney, living in Hamburg, Germany covering in broad strokes the passion of my heart and life. Some of you may find it interesting, as you will his website, Searching for Grace which includes provocative comics of people trying to think through things a bit differently.

Also, we did lose a lot of incoming email on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday this week. If you sent us something during that time and don’t hear back in the next few days, please send it to us again. We’re sorry the complication and inconvenience caused by the server farm where Lifestream and The God Journey are housed!