Tomorrow morning early Sara and I leave for New London, PA, to spend the weekend with a Presbyterian fellowship that has been reading some of my books and wanted me to visit. This is not my usual venue, to be sure, but their hunger drew our hearts to spend some time with them. We’ll be doing a Friday night conversation, a marriage seminar on Saturday, and then sharing Sunday morning. Lots of folks from other places are joining in, including a couple flying in from Spain. Should be an interesting weekend.
As I go, I wanted to leave you with this. I received this email yesterday, and talk about an email that can make an entire day, this is it! I’m thrilled at how this young lady has responded to the books, and even more grateful that they helped rescue her from sliding into the hard legalism of religious obligation. I’ve withheld her name and location because of her age, but how could anyone not be touched by God’s working in this young life.
It reminded me of an email I got some years ago from a man reading He Loves Me to his ninety year-old father on his death bed. He told me that his father came to understand the Father’s love one hour before he slipped into eternity. All if it makes me rejoice that God is making his heart known to all of us—from the youngest to the oldest.
Hi, I’m 13 years old. I want to thank you soooooooo much for your books, He Loves Me! and So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore, and especially for He Loves Me! It’s the most awesome book EVER! A good friend of mine said it was a good book, a really good book, then gave it to me in ’09 for Christmas. I thought I would read it every once-in-a-while because I was still finishing another book. As I read the first chapter, I found myself reading it every chance I got!! Before I knew it, 2 or 3 weeks later I got to chapter 23.
I was reading it with two other friends (one was reading it for the second time). We saw each other every Sunday, and shared our favorite quotes from it. We were amazed at how much God was using this book in soooooooooooooooo many amazing ways! Thank you!
This book meant so very much to me because in the last 4 months I felt guilty about every wrong thing I did. I felt like I had to drown myself in guilt to make Father accept me. I just couldn’t grasp the fact that He just loved me, regardless of who I was or what I did. I felt like I had to make up for all those mistakes, and that God must NOT be bigger than all of them. It wasn’t any major things, only things like wrong thoughts, believing lies, saying the wrong things, not loving others, looking for satisfaction in things that could never give me that, and just struggling, I guess. I felt so guilty! I don’t know. But I struggled in these things again, and again. I couldn’t see Father anywhere in the middle of all this.
I had gotten so caught up in the do’s and don’t’s that I had this thirst to know the God–that maybe did love me. I just couldn’t seem to tell at the time. Then I read your book, it got me right at the right time. As soon as I saw the cover, I thought : “That little girl looks so content. She looks loved. Oh! I want that!!” I read it, and one day God showed me in a special way how much He really loved me. I felt so free for at least a few days– but then the lies only came back. My dearest friends could tell me they weren’t true, but I just couldn’t believe them. I’m learning that it’s only Jesus who can free me of the guilt, lies, and the shame. I’m now on that journey you talked about in So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore. By the way–thank you soooooo much for that book too, it’s shown me how far religion goes–or doesn’t go!
So that’s my story. I lived for about 4 months unloved, to the extreme, and then I read your book. Father is working in amazing ways through it!! Thanks for caring about people like me, people who are longing to be free. It means so much. Thanks for caring! Thanks for your book! I’ve told so many people about it, and currently have 3 copies (of He Loves Me!). One’s mine, another is for another great friend, and the other I’m lending out because it’s my lend-out book. Thank you again for your openness and love for Father.
I am deeply touched by this sweet girl. To understand the truth about Fathers love for her at age 13 is wonderful. I am encouraged.
I am deeply touched by this sweet girl. To understand the truth about Fathers love for her at age 13 is wonderful. I am encouraged.
Its so cool when someone young learns these truths. It means that there is much more time for them to enjoy Fathers love. Enjoy the freedom to love Him just as He intended.
Its so cool when someone young learns these truths. It means that there is much more time for them to enjoy Fathers love. Enjoy the freedom to love Him just as He intended.
Awesome. So true 🙂
Maybe it’s just me, but this doesn’t seem like something written by a 13 year old (except for the “soooooooooooooo”‘s). Not that a 13 year old couldn’t find freedom, but this just seems to me like it was written by an adult. Anyway, it’s awesome to hear of anyone finding the freedom that Jesus has for us, even an old cynic like me…
Awesome. So true 🙂
Maybe it’s just me, but this doesn’t seem like something written by a 13 year old (except for the “soooooooooooooo”‘s). Not that a 13 year old couldn’t find freedom, but this just seems to me like it was written by an adult. Anyway, it’s awesome to hear of anyone finding the freedom that Jesus has for us, even an old cynic like me…
Amazing post. Thank you for sharing. It really resonates with me…at the age 13 I dove nose first into the depths of religion because of the affirmation that comes with pride and position. Oh how I longed to be affirmed in all that I know I couldn’t measure up to. Had someone pointed my eyes to the one who loves me and appreciates what I do but doesn’t measure me by what I do, I may have been spared a series of bad decisions and broken relationships.
Papa…please don’t ever forget my kids…
Amazing post. Thank you for sharing. It really resonates with me…at the age 13 I dove nose first into the depths of religion because of the affirmation that comes with pride and position. Oh how I longed to be affirmed in all that I know I couldn’t measure up to. Had someone pointed my eyes to the one who loves me and appreciates what I do but doesn’t measure me by what I do, I may have been spared a series of bad decisions and broken relationships.
Papa…please don’t ever forget my kids…
quote “It reminded me of an email I got some years ago from a man reading He Loves Me to his ninety year-old father on his death bed. He told me that his father came to understand the Father’s love one hour before he slipped into eternity. All if it makes me rejoice that God is making his heart known to all of us—from the youngest to the oldest.” end quote
Not all of us…..
It’s always the ‘good testimonies’ that are easy to tell ….What about others who have to try to get along in life knowing they didnt see their parent come to Christ? And made worse when one has the opportunity to ‘witness’ to a father in hospital but just couldn’t because they felt so much pressure – feeling that it was up to them to ‘lead’ the parent to Christ. It’s easy for some to say – “well they have their free will’ but how can one live any kind of future life knowing that their dad could be in torment right now? I already spent 9 days in a mental hospital last year cos of this….and won’t be suprised if more time is spent there.
quote “It reminded me of an email I got some years ago from a man reading He Loves Me to his ninety year-old father on his death bed. He told me that his father came to understand the Father’s love one hour before he slipped into eternity. All if it makes me rejoice that God is making his heart known to all of us—from the youngest to the oldest.” end quote
Not all of us…..
It’s always the ‘good testimonies’ that are easy to tell ….What about others who have to try to get along in life knowing they didnt see their parent come to Christ? And made worse when one has the opportunity to ‘witness’ to a father in hospital but just couldn’t because they felt so much pressure – feeling that it was up to them to ‘lead’ the parent to Christ. It’s easy for some to say – “well they have their free will’ but how can one live any kind of future life knowing that their dad could be in torment right now? I already spent 9 days in a mental hospital last year cos of this….and won’t be suprised if more time is spent there.
“I lived for about 4 months unloved, to the extreme, and then I read your book.”
I’m excited for this next generation. What will it look like to have a whole generation of people that don’t have a years or decades sized gnarly knot caused by religion to unravel but instead are simply living loved and loving others.
Exdroid,
I do think God makes his heart known to us all. Some see it and respond, others may not. His desire is still the same. His activity is still the same. I hate that religion has paralyzed people like you with such unfounded fear, with an undeserved sense of responsibility to say the right words to make all the difference. How can God treat your dad with anything other than love and mercy? How does he not love your dad more than you do? I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but this is not how Father desires you to live. God does not torment he rescues. I don’t know what that means for your father right now, but I know what it means for you oand I pray he rescues you out of these ungodly fears and speaks peace, health and truth into your mind and heart….
“I lived for about 4 months unloved, to the extreme, and then I read your book.”
I’m excited for this next generation. What will it look like to have a whole generation of people that don’t have a years or decades sized gnarly knot caused by religion to unravel but instead are simply living loved and loving others.
Exdroid,
I do think God makes his heart known to us all. Some see it and respond, others may not. His desire is still the same. His activity is still the same. I hate that religion has paralyzed people like you with such unfounded fear, with an undeserved sense of responsibility to say the right words to make all the difference. How can God treat your dad with anything other than love and mercy? How does he not love your dad more than you do? I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, but this is not how Father desires you to live. God does not torment he rescues. I don’t know what that means for your father right now, but I know what it means for you oand I pray he rescues you out of these ungodly fears and speaks peace, health and truth into your mind and heart….
Oh Exdroid Im sorry to hear your torment! But how do you know that your dad didnt have the chance to
know the love of Father and accept Him? We dont know if He comes before, after or during their transition time to give them a chance or not. I have to believe that our Father is so loving that He can accept someone into His arms at a time like that. Many do get that chance on their deathbeds, but just because we didnt witness to them and werent there when it happened….it doesnt mean that it didnt. Pray to Father and ask Him to accept your dad and believe in His love that he has! May His peace envelop your heart and deliver you from your torturous thoughts!
I don’t know if the Father did or didn’t reveal himself to my Dad in those last moments….I and others prayed alot in that last week for him…..but it is very difficult for me to be around christian gatherings -especially at institutional versions which i haven’t been to for years on a consistent basis – because the truth is that ‘good ending’ testimonies is mostly what happens at churches….. No one likes to hear bad endings yet for many many people life doesn’t turn out well….. At churches ‘good endings’ are sold like info commercials – what hope does this give people with stories/families that can’t be reversed?
I’ve been trying to get some help from some good books in recent months.
One is “When God Doesn’t answer your prayers” by Jerry Sittser – has some great stuff in it
and also ”May i Hate God” by Perre Wolf – a rare old 1979 book with foward by Henri Nouwen which shows that we can express our deepest anger and even hatred towards God – and this is seen as a part of intimacy with Him etc….. I highly recommend this book
Also am reading The Misunderstood God – which i like even more than the Shack – great book!
My situation is complicated by the fact i lived with my dad in his last few years, (he died at 78) and sadly i felt always responsible for my parent destinies from a young kid onwards – a fusion of dysfunctional parenting and legalistic teaching i got as a teenage christian – ie Charles Finney etc…
Oh Exdroid Im sorry to hear your torment! But how do you know that your dad didnt have the chance to
know the love of Father and accept Him? We dont know if He comes before, after or during their transition time to give them a chance or not. I have to believe that our Father is so loving that He can accept someone into His arms at a time like that. Many do get that chance on their deathbeds, but just because we didnt witness to them and werent there when it happened….it doesnt mean that it didnt. Pray to Father and ask Him to accept your dad and believe in His love that he has! May His peace envelop your heart and deliver you from your torturous thoughts!
I don’t know if the Father did or didn’t reveal himself to my Dad in those last moments….I and others prayed alot in that last week for him…..but it is very difficult for me to be around christian gatherings -especially at institutional versions which i haven’t been to for years on a consistent basis – because the truth is that ‘good ending’ testimonies is mostly what happens at churches….. No one likes to hear bad endings yet for many many people life doesn’t turn out well….. At churches ‘good endings’ are sold like info commercials – what hope does this give people with stories/families that can’t be reversed?
I’ve been trying to get some help from some good books in recent months.
One is “When God Doesn’t answer your prayers” by Jerry Sittser – has some great stuff in it
and also ”May i Hate God” by Perre Wolf – a rare old 1979 book with foward by Henri Nouwen which shows that we can express our deepest anger and even hatred towards God – and this is seen as a part of intimacy with Him etc….. I highly recommend this book
Also am reading The Misunderstood God – which i like even more than the Shack – great book!
My situation is complicated by the fact i lived with my dad in his last few years, (he died at 78) and sadly i felt always responsible for my parent destinies from a young kid onwards – a fusion of dysfunctional parenting and legalistic teaching i got as a teenage christian – ie Charles Finney etc…
It sounds like you are working it out in your own way Exdroid. I quit going to church too because of the “happy ending syndrome” that seems to be in churches . I did everything right as far as raising my kids, praying for them, teaching them right from wrong and yes, it rains on the good and the bad. My 21yr. old daughter died this April from a drug overdose, when almost all books I have read, had happy endings. Mine didnt but I know the Lord is still in control and that good and bad happens to us all. I think the happy ending syndrome is just to give us hope, and not to rub things in! Hang in there and keep searching for your peace, Father will meet you where you are at and will show you amazing love through this all.
It sounds like you are working it out in your own way Exdroid. I quit going to church too because of the “happy ending syndrome” that seems to be in churches . I did everything right as far as raising my kids, praying for them, teaching them right from wrong and yes, it rains on the good and the bad. My 21yr. old daughter died this April from a drug overdose, when almost all books I have read, had happy endings. Mine didnt but I know the Lord is still in control and that good and bad happens to us all. I think the happy ending syndrome is just to give us hope, and not to rub things in! Hang in there and keep searching for your peace, Father will meet you where you are at and will show you amazing love through this all.
Thanks kbcrazy
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter.
I just wish that christian gatherings would be more honest about the realities – that not every one has a ‘nice christian’ family or ‘happy ever after’ scenario. In the book i’m reading ”When God doesn’t answer your prayer” by Jerry Sittser i am finding some precious jewels like “Rather than cutting us off from God, unanswered prayer drives us to God” , and “Unanswered prayer breaks us, deepens us, exposes us, and transforms us”. Because many churches only promote the ‘happy endings’ they by default promote a God that is more about getting answers than knowing God intimately Himself….A 1 Dimensional Western God who is like a slot machine.
By the way my name ‘Exdroid’ is a play on the concept from the series Star Trek: The Next Generation = and escaping the alien Borg collective – who are more machine than human – I liken this to escaping the machinelike experiences of my past institutional churchianity which i left a number of years ago.
And Wayne it’s hard to believe God loves my dad more than i do, cos it seemed like nothing really happened in the last week of dad’s life – in the sense of some great awakening by my dad to God’s love…… My dad had a heart attack at home and then was in hospital for a week b4 a 2nd fatal attack. …At least in that week i was able to tell dad i loved him each time i saw him and for the first time in my life i heard dad say he loved me too in reply….but in the stress of such a scenario i wasnt able to really take this in….He was afraid and me too ( and in my mind i felt like i had to say some sort of more ‘formal’ words of invitation to dad to ‘accept Jesus’)….In the panic of this period i resorted emotionally into my old ways of feeling like i needed to constantly pray in the Spirit etc – and sort of unconsciously i went back to my early christianity where in my church then it was all about our response to God, and how ‘committed’ we are to God etc. The thing was this was too exhausting for me so all i could do when seeing dad in hospital was help him as best i could and tell him i loved him etc…..
Anyway , that’s all for now – i can’t end this typing in any conclusive way for now.
Thanks kbcrazy
I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your daughter.
I just wish that christian gatherings would be more honest about the realities – that not every one has a ‘nice christian’ family or ‘happy ever after’ scenario. In the book i’m reading ”When God doesn’t answer your prayer” by Jerry Sittser i am finding some precious jewels like “Rather than cutting us off from God, unanswered prayer drives us to God” , and “Unanswered prayer breaks us, deepens us, exposes us, and transforms us”. Because many churches only promote the ‘happy endings’ they by default promote a God that is more about getting answers than knowing God intimately Himself….A 1 Dimensional Western God who is like a slot machine.
By the way my name ‘Exdroid’ is a play on the concept from the series Star Trek: The Next Generation = and escaping the alien Borg collective – who are more machine than human – I liken this to escaping the machinelike experiences of my past institutional churchianity which i left a number of years ago.
And Wayne it’s hard to believe God loves my dad more than i do, cos it seemed like nothing really happened in the last week of dad’s life – in the sense of some great awakening by my dad to God’s love…… My dad had a heart attack at home and then was in hospital for a week b4 a 2nd fatal attack. …At least in that week i was able to tell dad i loved him each time i saw him and for the first time in my life i heard dad say he loved me too in reply….but in the stress of such a scenario i wasnt able to really take this in….He was afraid and me too ( and in my mind i felt like i had to say some sort of more ‘formal’ words of invitation to dad to ‘accept Jesus’)….In the panic of this period i resorted emotionally into my old ways of feeling like i needed to constantly pray in the Spirit etc – and sort of unconsciously i went back to my early christianity where in my church then it was all about our response to God, and how ‘committed’ we are to God etc. The thing was this was too exhausting for me so all i could do when seeing dad in hospital was help him as best i could and tell him i loved him etc…..
Anyway , that’s all for now – i can’t end this typing in any conclusive way for now.
Exdroid,
I’m not unsympathetic to the stress this has all caused you. And I know what it looks like, especially with all the pressure you were under. Maybe you didn’t see all that was going on there. But I know this, God’s love for us and other is almost ALWAYS hard to believe, until we come to see him outside the religious distortions. That’s my prayer for you. Because surely God did love your father way more than any of us could possibly love each other. I think that’s what Jesus came to let us in on….
Exdroid,
I’m not unsympathetic to the stress this has all caused you. And I know what it looks like, especially with all the pressure you were under. Maybe you didn’t see all that was going on there. But I know this, God’s love for us and other is almost ALWAYS hard to believe, until we come to see him outside the religious distortions. That’s my prayer for you. Because surely God did love your father way more than any of us could possibly love each other. I think that’s what Jesus came to let us in on….
Thank you Wayne
Thank you Wayne
Dear Exdroid,
My name is Paul.
I wrote you a long response here a couple days ago, but my computer locked up and I’m finally getting a chance to retype it.
In some ways I can feel your pain. I’ve watched my father go downhill from MS over the last 25 years. The last 10 have been especially painful because he is now bedbound and horribly depressed. I became a Christian 10 years ago and discovered that God does heal and set people free. Unfortunately, my father hasn’t been healed, he has only suffered more and more… and even suffered from people tellling him (me included) that he would be healed.
I’ve borne tremendous guilt believing that it was my lack of faith, or my lack of enough, or the right kind of prayer, or getting the right person to pray that had caused my father to continue to suffer rather than be healed. It really ate me up. It even ate me up to the point that I couldn’t visit or even look at my father at times because I believed his continued condition was my fault.
A few days ago, I decided to reread the Shack. I don’t know if you have read it, but towards the end their is a powerful moment when someone is told: It’s not your fault. When I read those words this time, I began to sob. I didn’t know why at first, but then I realized that God was freeing me from the false guilt and burdens that I had been carrying.
So I say to you and pray that you would know deep down in your heart: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
You loved your father deeply. That is so clear. God does not want you to beat yourself up or bear false burdens. He loves you dearly.
A month ago, I was with my father in law the moment he passed away. My wife and I had been hoping before he passed that we would see some kind of sign from him that he was really saved. It did not come. Finally, I was hoping that in the last minute there would be heavenly light pouring into the room, or that he would come out of his sleep and say, ‘I see Jesus,’ but it did not happen. He just coughed and then was gone.
A lot of terrible thoughts came into my head after that. I felt that I had failed him too. I heard terrible things in my head about where he was.
…but I prayed and rejected those thoughts… and from deeper within I found a peace that I knew was from the Lord.
I pray that you will also experience freedom from the devil’s lies and torment and that you would be rooted in the Father’s love and peace.
I think I said everything better the first time, but please know that I understand some of the pain you are feeling and am praying you.
If you want to talk further please feel free to email me: calebuk2000@gmail.com. I also have a blog where I have chronicled some of my pain over the past years and the healing process that is occurring: http://calebuk2000-thejourney.blogspot.com/
One last thing. Someone emailed me this article called the Silent Harvest which I found greatly comforting: http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/5023
Dear Exdroid,
My name is Paul.
I wrote you a long response here a couple days ago, but my computer locked up and I’m finally getting a chance to retype it.
In some ways I can feel your pain. I’ve watched my father go downhill from MS over the last 25 years. The last 10 have been especially painful because he is now bedbound and horribly depressed. I became a Christian 10 years ago and discovered that God does heal and set people free. Unfortunately, my father hasn’t been healed, he has only suffered more and more… and even suffered from people tellling him (me included) that he would be healed.
I’ve borne tremendous guilt believing that it was my lack of faith, or my lack of enough, or the right kind of prayer, or getting the right person to pray that had caused my father to continue to suffer rather than be healed. It really ate me up. It even ate me up to the point that I couldn’t visit or even look at my father at times because I believed his continued condition was my fault.
A few days ago, I decided to reread the Shack. I don’t know if you have read it, but towards the end their is a powerful moment when someone is told: It’s not your fault. When I read those words this time, I began to sob. I didn’t know why at first, but then I realized that God was freeing me from the false guilt and burdens that I had been carrying.
So I say to you and pray that you would know deep down in your heart: ITS NOT YOUR FAULT
You loved your father deeply. That is so clear. God does not want you to beat yourself up or bear false burdens. He loves you dearly.
A month ago, I was with my father in law the moment he passed away. My wife and I had been hoping before he passed that we would see some kind of sign from him that he was really saved. It did not come. Finally, I was hoping that in the last minute there would be heavenly light pouring into the room, or that he would come out of his sleep and say, ‘I see Jesus,’ but it did not happen. He just coughed and then was gone.
A lot of terrible thoughts came into my head after that. I felt that I had failed him too. I heard terrible things in my head about where he was.
…but I prayed and rejected those thoughts… and from deeper within I found a peace that I knew was from the Lord.
I pray that you will also experience freedom from the devil’s lies and torment and that you would be rooted in the Father’s love and peace.
I think I said everything better the first time, but please know that I understand some of the pain you are feeling and am praying you.
If you want to talk further please feel free to email me: calebuk2000@gmail.com. I also have a blog where I have chronicled some of my pain over the past years and the healing process that is occurring: http://calebuk2000-thejourney.blogspot.com/
One last thing. Someone emailed me this article called the Silent Harvest which I found greatly comforting: http://www.elijahlist.com/words/display_word/5023
Exdroid,
The loss of a loved one is a painful experience even if we believe they’ve gone to a better place. Death is subjective and the subjects aren’t able to give us an explanation of what happened during and after the transition. We only have our own experiences of not having them in our lives any longer and wondering where they are. I’m guessing this is where people try to help by saying comforting things to ease our pain. My own attempt to comfort you in your sorrow and confusion is to say: How wonderful that you and your dad were able to exchange ‘I love you’ moments before he passed on. That in itself shows me God is amazing in his graciousness and love. You stated it was the “first time”
your dad said those words to you. That HAD to be God working right there at that very moment to bring you and your dad to a shared truth with each other. Missing him is hard…and harder still is the uncertainity you’re experiencing. I’ll pray that HE will give you peace on both fronts.
Exdroid,
The loss of a loved one is a painful experience even if we believe they’ve gone to a better place. Death is subjective and the subjects aren’t able to give us an explanation of what happened during and after the transition. We only have our own experiences of not having them in our lives any longer and wondering where they are. I’m guessing this is where people try to help by saying comforting things to ease our pain. My own attempt to comfort you in your sorrow and confusion is to say: How wonderful that you and your dad were able to exchange ‘I love you’ moments before he passed on. That in itself shows me God is amazing in his graciousness and love. You stated it was the “first time”
your dad said those words to you. That HAD to be God working right there at that very moment to bring you and your dad to a shared truth with each other. Missing him is hard…and harder still is the uncertainity you’re experiencing. I’ll pray that HE will give you peace on both fronts.
To Mary ann and Paul Mahler
Thank you for your words….
I’d like to respond but i am too exhausted with fatigue to do so now…hopefully later
To Mary ann and Paul Mahler
Thank you for your words….
I’d like to respond but i am too exhausted with fatigue to do so now…hopefully later
This 13 year old girl is one of my dearest friends. When she found out that Wayne had written to her she called everyone she knew. No one picked up. When I looked at my phone I saw I had missed a call and the person had left a voicemail. When I called her back she was overcome with joy that one of her friends had called her back and she started spilling her guts to me. I was excited for her because I knew that emails hardly ever go straight to the authors.
Thank you Wayne I may not have read any of your books, but my friend was so excited to hear from you.
This 13 year old girl is one of my dearest friends. When she found out that Wayne had written to her she called everyone she knew. No one picked up. When I looked at my phone I saw I had missed a call and the person had left a voicemail. When I called her back she was overcome with joy that one of her friends had called her back and she started spilling her guts to me. I was excited for her because I knew that emails hardly ever go straight to the authors.
Thank you Wayne I may not have read any of your books, but my friend was so excited to hear from you.
Awww Wayne….I feel special…. 🙂
Awww Wayne….I feel special…. 🙂