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If you listen to our podcast, you’ve heard Brad and I often say, “It is what it is.” Although we don’t always get the life we want, or circumstances to unfold the way we desire, we can find grace a plenty to live in the reality of life that unfolds around us. We are at our healthiest when we are embracing him in the midst of life as it really is, not trying to get him to make everything the way we want it.

As Is: Unearthing Common Place Glory is a new book by a first-time author, Krista Finch. I actually saw this book a year and a half ago while it was still in production. I was taken at the time with Krista’s refreshing insights about embracing life simply as it unfolds and seeing God’s fingerprints and his grace in the most common arenas of life.

I wrote this little blurb for her book back then: “As Is: Unearthing Commonplace Glory offers the marvelous freedom to stop trying to control the events we cannot control and instead respond to God’s magnificent grace as it unfolds in our daily circumstances. With her humorous wit and fresh insights Krista Finch opens a door to the practicality of living by grace that will inspire your own journey and leave you hungering for more of God.” After seeing the final product, I’ll stand by that.

A few days ago my copy of the book arrived. I spent some time with it last night and was wonderfully refreshed and reminded to look for God in the common moments of life. This book is not deep theology trying to challenge your failed paradigms, nor is it filled with laugh-out-loud stories. I couldn’t applaud everything she’s concluded, but I love the journey she is on and a lot of what she’s learned.

This is a book of insightful observations and thoughts much as you’d experience in a relaxed walk with your best friend where your heart is re-focused on the things that truly matter. It is a wonderfully refreshing read, like a cool breeze that suddenly washes over you on an otherwise hot and stale day. Here is a woman who knows what it is not to have life fulfilled on her terms, and has learned how to embrace the reality of life in the deep love and presence of a loving Father.

To whet your appetite, here’s a sample of the journey she invites you to share with her:

We miss something remarkable when happiness is our pursuit. because happiness is a brief vapor at her very best. What’s more, there is something beautiful about getting what you get, something lovely in teh mess, something divine in the ordinary. And the something is grace.

Grace to smile in sickness, to dance in death, to carwheel in chaos, to trike a pose, thou all around us and inside us crumbles. Grace to understand that this isn’t the way things are supposed to be, at least not forever. But it’s the way things are now and here. Grace to believe there is plenty of grace for all of it. All we have to do is receive it; live, that is. Life, as is.

And if we’ll take what life gives, grace will find us—in all her fierceness and splendor, dressed in chain mail and armor, ready to pin a sprig of lilac on our collars. But she only comes to those of us who find ourselves in the places where brokenness and rejoicing coexist. Places where bitter death tolls harmonize with strains of celebration. Places where broken bones dance to the trumpet’s blast…”

A good friend pointed me to this video over the weekend, by John Lynch one of the authors of Bo’s Cafe, a book I got to help edit with John and the others. I love the way he expresses a different way to raise children than the contest of power most parents get trapped into. This will help you invite your children into their own journey with the Father, rather than trying to impose your journey on them.

I know many parents will get to the end of this and want to scream, “Show me how!” thinking there are a list of how-tos that will accomplish this end. And you would be wrong. There are no how-tos that you can plug into an situation and derive this outcome. This is an invitation into a different reality in which you can think and pray about your children, and in which you can shape your relationship with them.

So catch this in your heart. Ask the Holy Spirit to show you how as life unfolds with your children. This is less about what you do than it is the heart with which you respond to your children and watch God’s purposes grow in your family.

In response to my recent BodyLife article about “How Do I…” I got this amazing note this morning. This is from a young brother I’ve been in touch with for a few years. I love what he is discovering, and think few realize the critical lessons God is teaching him when they are busy trying to build an audience for “their ministry.” It can be a huge trap of darkness:

Wayne, I just read “How Do I?” for about the fifth time, and it still keeps kicking me in the heart. You know, I started a blog in January and recently, the audience began to expand. The feelings that came with that expansion left me feeling sort of yucky. I’m sure you know the feeling.

You can’t get to sleep because of that one, negative comment about your last article. Every time you read a scripture or have a meaningful experience, you wonder if that would make a good article. All the while, the Spirit is saying, “This is not My plan; this is not My purpose. Don’t follow your desire for recognition and influence. It is poisoning your ability to freely live life.”

Finally, while sort of aimlessly praying about this in the shower this morning, I told the Lord (and later, my wife) that I’m going to take a break from even looking at (my) blog for the week. I need a normal life again. I don’t want to be a quasi-celebrity in my own little, creative fiefdom that’s built around my insatiable desire for affirmation.

Thank you so much for writing that article. It has been like oxygen to me so many times. Seriously man, it’s been a big help. This experience has helped me realize that your life might not be so enviable after all – and I don’t mean that as a dig. Dealing with perpetual affirmation and lofty expectations from others can be an enormous distraction for the writer and his audience. God help us all.

Fortunately, I haven’t dealt with the need for affirmation for some time. But I know its power and how it can distort even the gifts God has put inside of us. Following him has to remain at the core of our choices each day and any other substitute to guide our actions is a trap. That doesn’t mean writing a blog or publishing a book is inherently wrong. It simply means that we have eyes open enough to recognize when we’re giving up our freedom in him for any other agenda.

I got this email yesterday from a friend who is on the journey of learning to live loved after raising his children in the demands of religion. Now adults, some of his children are questioning their religious upbringing and some have become quite accomplished Pharisees. All of them at the moment are going through some very hurtful and desperate circumstances.

In the second to the last chapter of He Loves Me, I related Jesus choice in John 12 to pray the God-save-me-prayer as he faced the cross, or the Father-glorify-your-name prayer. Jesus chose the latter, and he alludes to that in his brief note.

Here’s what he wrote me. I hope it encourages others of you with adult kids to trust God’s ability to win them to his love, more than you trust your own:

The boys do not like to spill all their problems on me but oddly, because I am finally starting to believe in Father’s love, it does not hurt or panic me. I don’t even feel the need for a SAVE ME prayer. Glorify your name settles my heart far better than waiting for God to do some miracle to relieve the pressure. I keep reminding the boys that it is all about learning to live in and trust Father’s Love.

I know they will get there because my oldest daughter (who had her PhD in Pharasieeism) is truly living loved. She has already gone down this road and will tell anyone IF she is wrong about Father’s love she is hopelessly lost because she cannot go back to where she was. I know Father will get them all there in His time. I am finally at a point where I am free from having to prove God’s love for them. He is doing that quite well all by himself. I keep telling them to just watch, and then point out how he is proving His love and care.

Hungry hearts learning to live loved of the Father in the land of Kenya

I just wanted to share an update I got from our brothers and sisters in Kenya today. God is doing marvelous things among them.

Thank you very much for the golden time you gave to us in Kenya and we feel like a burning fire, which is pushing us to move out with the gospel of living loved. The Bible says if they will know the truth, the truth will set them free and they will be free indeed.

Brother Wayne, I want to thank God very much. It was my cry and passion for many years to find out how I can help others in the truth of His Word. But after I visited the Lifestream website it was like I had reached the beginning of a bridge. Since that time I have been finding a way in this transition journey of having relationship with God and I can understand now that he loves me and he wanted that love to impact those who are in needy. I have found this living loved and loving others its not a lesson or a lecture but just simply to follow him and live the life he lived.

It is not a strong message, but just to reflect the life of Christ in us. I saw your life is very simple, flexible, teachable and a man of full passion and care. The seed you have planted here is bearing fruit. These needs will not continue because we are teaching them that what you gave them they need to use for the need and for generating income and looking to God not to depend on us or us to depend on you but to depend totally to God.

If there is anyway to help us, please do so. With the car you helped purchase, God has helped us to save 100 families and these people they have seen God in us. Although the needs are more, we depend total to God according to Philippians 4: 19. Many orphans here are in great need and the widows especial this time of hunger, continue praying for us and we will continue praying for you. I will be joining with my family for about two weeks in Bungoma, without any office work and I will be also staying with children’s home in Kitale. Please receive greetings from Hassan and other team. We are praying for you for the wonderful work that you are doing for the name of the lord. Send our greetings to your beloved wife Sara and the entire family and brothers and sisters over there.

The need in Kenya is ongoing, and we continue to channel money there as God puts it on the hearts of many of you. If you’d like to help us continue to support these brothers and sisters and see the Gospel grow in this part of Africa, please see our Sharing With the World page at Lifestream. You can either donate with a credit card there, or you can mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560-1 Newbury Rd #313 • Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

In response to my recent BodyLife article about “How Do I…” I got an email this week. It was very encouraging. This came from an old friend back east, and I am not reprinting it for the kind words he says about me, though they are greatly appreciated since I am in a very difficult season of being true to what God has invited me to do. I print it for the situation they find themselves in with elderly parents.

People who have been embedded in religion for most of their lives, don’t realize how captive they become to expectations and control. They almost make it impossible to love them because no matter what you do it is never enough.

I have been thinking about you quite a bit for the past several weeks especially since reading your March newsletter. I understand where you are coming from with the demands and all, and you have generated a lot of prayer on your behalf not only from us, but from those who know and love you as well.

I can’t begin to tell you how much your wisdom and writing is not only needed, but cherished as well, helping those you will probably never meet on this side. My wife and I were talking recently about the negative side of religion. Her folks (in their 90s) are living alone in their home, and now they need constant care, but having been taught from their childhood the necessity of control and expectations on all around them, we are up against it.

Sadly, they were never able to have an adult relationship with their kids and now it is impossible for my wife and her siblings to help in any way. No matter what they try to do it is wrong in their eyes, even though the decisions themselves are right. They will not give up control and it is tragic, especially when the kids are not respected for who they are. This is the old cause and effect religion.

I only tell you this (you’ve been through it) to encourage you to continue writing, and not to get bogged down with any of the other stuff. I had lunch Sunday with two couples who wanted to start “church”, and I encouraged them to read the book (So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore) again and go to your website and read everything. The message needs to be told and retold. Families literally hang in the balance with all that religion does to destroy them.

I cried when I read the newsletter, for the pain I know you feel from time to time. For what it’s worth, I felt I was reading what the apostle would be saying in the language of today. Hope you can just relax each day knowing how important you are to Father and us.

OK, that last part is a bit over-the-top, but I love what he says about religion and legalism making us controlling people. Instead of healing our fears, it passes them on to others by our need to control them by whatever means are at our disposal. That’s why religious people carry so many expectations and think nothing of expressing their disapproval when people don’t meet them. It’s all an attempt to control others around them. Wouldn’t it be better just to let Jesus transform us in the face of our fears, rather than trying to satisfy them by destroying our relationship with others?

I heard one time that the last thing a parent can do for their children is to die well—not to demand from them the care they think they need and to be grateful when they do their best to help out. I like that.

I first saw this email on my phone sitting on a plane in Jackson, MS. It made me tear up as the doors were closing. I love the relationships that develop over time with people who carry the same passion for God, grace and freedom that I do.

There’s a wonderful discussion going on the Lifestream Journeys list about finding fellowship with others. I thought others of you might enjoy it as well. The question was first asked by Nancy:

I’m wondering what any of you might say about the concept of “fellowship”. People in (my old fellowship) ask me about that often, as in “are you getting any?” Obviously the wording makes me smile. But what I’m wondering is this: I’ve asked Father about it numerous times, asked him to please put people in my life for connection/fellowship etc.

So far in the past couple years I haven’t noticed any big change. ??There are lots of people in my life. I do not live in a cave—my family near and extended, my work colleagues, my various friends—but I would not say that any of these is truly “like-minded”. Of course what I’d like is a group with whom I can identify and agree together and pat each other on the back. Like (my old fellowship had). That is pretty comfortable. ??
But where Father has me at this point is precisely not there. I am depending on him for most of my warm fuzzies. I keep telling Him I really want somebody/ies with skin on, and it just ain’t happenin’. Which must be ok. I am wanting to be content with whatever he gives, yet often feel guilty because I am not content. ?

Sophie from Indiana, another lady on the list responded with a wonderful story of what God is doing in her and her family:

I have walked through the valley you’re in, and can understand where you’re coming from. I waited and waited for “like-minded” people too. And I can’t say exactly how long it took, but through that time of “just Jesus and me” I began to see God (or the image of God) in everyone, including those who’re not “like minded,” or even knew Him at all.

I began by accepting the people in my life as “the fellowship” that God has provided for me. It’s funny how Jesus has answered my heart’s desire to be more like Him. I thought in order to achieve this goal, I needed to be around people who are more like Him (in my own judgment, of course), but instead He brought me to be with people who weren’t at all what I had in mind and taught me to see them as He does. Obviously, I’m not all the way like Jesus, but certainly I now can relate to other people more like Jesus does. I’d always wondered how He is “a friend of all,” and now I know, or have a better idea than I did before. I now can be comfortable and “fellowship” with anyone.

And just when I finally got to the point where I could say, “OK, I don’t need to be with people who see spiritual things like I do” God started bringing “like-minded” people into my life. I enjoy time with “like-minded” people, but I no longer have a dependency on them like I used to when I was in the IC. I now see this whole concept of needing to be with people of like mind as another one of those IC concepts I needed to be freed from. And I think this freedom was what God had in mind for me when He took me into that lonely valley.

The great fear people have in religious settings is that people will prefer isolation to fellowship. They think people have to be obligated to their responsibility to be part of the community of believers, otherwise it is so boring that folks won’t participate. But I find everyone who knows God as Father has a deep desire to connect with other brothers and sisters. Real community is not an obligation it is irresistible. The key is letting God bring that about in his time, and not just looking for “like-minded” people.

Yes, he knows how important it is for us to have others with whom we can share our journeys, and there are many ways to do that. An important thread in some of this discussion is to let God control that as we just remain open and responsive to him. Guilt about not finding it yet, doesn’t help. Keep your hunger before God, love those he has put around you and see how he will bring people into your life. Yes, there are things we can do to connect on-line, and with others locally that might share our passion for a relationally journey. But if that isn’t happening at the moment, enjoy the people he has placed in your life. You never know what might come from it.

And as if to illustrate the point further, I got this email this morning from Karen in Minnesota about some recent goings on in this arena for her and her husband:

We celebrated or 25th anniversary on a cruise to Alaska last week! Not bad for having been unemployed for almost a year, huh!? We heard of a last minute deal on Wednesday and drove the next morning to Seattle to catch the ship! On the cruise we made two life-long couple friends. One is a couple who love the Lord and we shared amazing free fellowship. They are Catholic. Again, years ago that would have been a deal breaker. We connected so much with them they invited us to share their motel room when we got back to Seattle and we did! We all went to Mt Rainer together and to the Seattle market. None of us wanted to say goodbye. The other couple has a passion for life and photography and each other. We love them for who they are and have no agenda for them. How liberating! They are Jewish.

We have become great friends with our tattooed, pierced, living-together neighbors (at home, too). Not too many years ago we would have been too judgmental for that to ever happen. We have found such joy and freedom in recognizing how loved we are and allowing that same freedom to others. As an aside, this couple has recently come to love Jesus with a refreshing passion so now we share Him too.

When God gets to be in control of our relationships, and we grow increasingly secure in his love for us, some amazing things can happen way beyond our expectations.

I made it back from Mississippi, limping a bit from a water skiing accident and a pulled hamstring. Oh well! Youth must be served.

One of the things I appreciated about my time in Mississippi is how people open up when they find a safe place where they know they are loved, have the freedom to be where they are on the journey that day, and aren’t manipulated into agreeing with other people’s perception of truth. They can notice what they need to notice, question what they need to question and struggle where they are struggling. That’s where real learning, real growth and real transformation happen.

That doesn’t happen immediately, especially when someone like me comes to town. It takes a bit of time to dismantle the “author pedestal” and help people find freedom from the need to posture, impress, or simply not look foolish when talking to me. But when they finally feel relaxed enough to drop their guard, real community can happen.

I would that all of us could find such friendships, or at least offer it to others from their own life. It reminds me of the description of a safe place in Bo’s Cafe. If you haven’t read this story yet, you might want to check it out.

“I’m not sure.” I shake my head back and forth while crossing my arms. “I don’t get you guys. You talk about this being a ‘safe place,’ but neither of you two seem very safe at the moment.”

Carlos put his fork down and pats his hands on his knees, like he’s realizing the need to change his approach.

“I guess that depends on what you mean by safe, huh?” he says. “See man, if safe is just nice and sweet, where everybody’s smiling at you and nobody’s ever dealing with nothing, that’s not safe. That’s a retirement home. I like nice. Even Hank likes nice. Push come to shove, nice wins. But nice ain’t enough for safe. A safe place isn’t a soft place.

Safe is a place where you can get out the worst about you and they don’t run you off, talk you down or head for the hills. It’s having someone to stand with when you start to face the shameful stuff, man. It’s where you can be a jerk and still have a place at the table the next day…where you don’t have to hide or fake or pretend or bluff. Safe is being loved more for revealing your crap, not less.

I am off to Mississippi in the morning after I drop off our guests to take a flight home to Switzerland. I’ve never been in Mississippi before, so this is a first. And I have good news before I go, especially if you speak Portuguese.

Editoria Sextant, who already publishes The Shack and So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore for the Brazilian Portuguese-speaking market, has just released He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection in Portuguese. I heard about it when a friend in Brazil saw it in a bookstore yesterday. It was supposed to be out in June, but made it to the stores early.

When I was in Brazil last December meeting with people who had already read So You Don’t Want to Go To Church Anymore, they were anxiously awaiting the release of this other title. I’m so glad now they will have all three books in Portuguese and pray that many people will find them helpful in learning to live loved by the Father and live in love toward others. There is a great hunger there to learn about the Father’s love, especially about what really happened at the cross. He Loves Me explains that better than the others.

I also really love the cover design. I don’t often feel that way about foreign editions, but I think the publisher there came up with an excellent depiction, even suggesting Da Vinci’s famous painting in the Sistine Chapel.

And please don’t call our office for copies. We don’t have any here. They need to be purchased at a book store in Brazil or directly through the publisher. …

Living Loved In BrazilRead More »

I was reading through some of Bo’s Cafe this afternoon, once again enjoying the rich story of a man finding freedom from the most powerful force out to destroy him—himself! Listen to this exchange between some people who really understand grace and someone who hasn’t yet got a clue what it is:

“Steven, do you want to know why you are clueless about you? …Do you?” She stops again and stares. “Honey, I really need a verbal nod of some sort here.”

“Yes,” I say, “Yes, tell me why.”

“It’s because,” she says slowly and dramatically, “you don’t yet know who you really are. And Steven, you don’t know who you are because you haven’t yet learned grace.”

I stop her before she can continue. “Oh, boy. See, there you go. That’s all gibberish to me. I don’t want to be mean, but you and Carlos, you sound like cult members. Grace. Do you have any idea what that sounds like? It’s right up there with fluffy bunnies and unicorns. You’re aware there’s not a lot of grace talk in my board meetings, right? Look, I know you may not understand this, but in places where things get done, there’s accountability, and quotas, and deadlines. You know what I think God wants? He wants all of us to take responsibility for what we’re doing. Sorry, Cynthia. I was tracking with you. But if you wanna make sense to me, throw away the religious buzz words.”

Andy slaps his knee. “Whoo-eee! Yep, you got her there Steven.” He picks up his glass, swirling his ice. “Yep, first you start talking about grace. Next thing you know you’re skipping Sunday school and sleeping in ‘til noon. Then, a couple days later you’re down at the dog track, drinking whiskey out of a paper bag and dating a showgirl named Tiffany!”

“Why do you enjoy making everything I say sound stupid?” I ask.

“I don’t,” he says. “I only enjoy making the stupid things you say sound stupid.”

Cynthia takes over. “Steven, my friend, would you be offended if I told you that you sound to me like the one with the religious platitudes?”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning,” she continues, “You sound like a carnival huckster, promoting to others something he knows doesn’t and hasn’t worked for himself.”

“Meaning?” I repeat.

“Meaning, grace is the gift waiting for the non-religious. They’re the only ones who can get it. They’re the only ones who can use it. Religious folk see grace as soft. So they keep trying to manage their junk with their own will power and tenacity. Nothing defines religion quite as well. People trying to do impossible tasks with weak and limited power, bluffing all the while like it’s working for them.” ” She leans even closer. “I just took in a lot of churches and religious institutions with that last statement.”

“Did you hear that?” Andy laughs. So, who’s the religious one now, my friend? “
Cynthia smiles. “It takes something a whole lot more than will power and tenacity to get anything done in the human heart. You gotta allow yourself to receive something you can’t find on your own, not keep bluffing at being strong enough.”

Andy folds his arms and raises his eyebrows at me.

“You’ll hear this next statement a lot around here Steven,” Cynthia says. ‘What if there was a place safe enough where I could tell the worst about me and discover that I would be loved not less but more in the telling of it?’ Do you know what happens?”

“Carlos says your stuff starts to get fixed.”

What Stephen doesn’t know yet, is that engaging real grace will transform you far faster and far more completely than accountability and human effort ever will. He will soon come to discover that God’s reality is far greater than he knew before.

If you haven’t read the rest of the story, you might pick yourself up a copy!

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