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Over the past sixteen days, we have traveled almost 2908 miles from Thousand Oaks, CA, to Duluth, MN, and we are having a wonderful trip. We’ve moved from 100 degree days in Wyoming and Denver, to waking up to a 40-degree morning.

Sara and I are having the most wonderful conversations with each other and others along the way who are on a journey to find their freedom in Christ. Sara’s continuing journey through trauma has encouraged many people and opened doors for people to discuss their own places of brokenness and how Jesus might want to bring healing to them.

After Duluth, we are headed to Minocqua, WI, Escanaba, MI, Traverse City, MI, and then to Grand Rapids, Kalamazoo, and South Bend, IN. This trip is still unfolding, but it has become a treasured adventure for Sara, me, and our two dogs. We’ve had our share of RV issues but have managed to resolve them all so far and enjoy our tiny home on wheels.

In the aftermath of the Redeeming Love podcast series, I received this email. I’m sure it will touch many others because Sara and I have heard it expressed by many people. Just because something horrible happens to you doesn’t make you horrible, no matter how deep your feelings.

I was reminded of that recently in an email I hope encourages many others who harbor hidden thoughts of being horrible, shameful, or unworthy of love for any reason;

Thank you for sharing so boldly and honestly about what you have been through recently. I have cried with you and rejoiced with you.  My husband and I, who have listened to all seven podcasts together, have nodded in recognition as we recognize the same patterns in our lives. Thank you for your honesty and openness, Sara, in an area I know all too well.  Hearing you makes me understand myself better.

Wayne, you stayed in our home during a visit to Europe a few years ago. I had intended to write to you to tell you about something that changed in me after your visit. However, I couldn’t bring myself to do it until now. I believe it was God’s plan all along. You probably don’t remember it, but I blurted something out during breakfast on Sunday morning.  Something I don’t usually share. I told you that I thought I was evil.

For some reason, you started talking about the processes we go through when we build trust in God. Those spaces we trust him create safe spaces so God can expand those spaces. I remember you made a circle with your hand as you explained. For some reason, this conversation turned something inside of me.

After our conversation, I could no longer believe my thoughts about my being evil. The thought, or the lie, had been a part of me for as long as I could remember.  All my actions acted out of that awareness, so when that thought became absurd and even incomprehensible, it actually caused me some uneasiness.

Although I think it is an enormous freedom, and I see that it has opened me up to let both God and people approach me more vulnerably, I have struggled to understand it.  And since I did not understand, I became anxious that I was in self-denial and in opposition to the truth—that the truth was that I was still evil, but that now I could no longer accept that truth. It made me feel like I had lost control.

Hearing you, Sara, tell that you thought you were a horrible person, and the explanation you got about this, was so good for me to hear as well. It is so liberating to understand that it is the evil deeds that were done to me as a child, that created a thought in me that I was evil and not the other way around.

I just wanted to let you know how meaningful your visit has been to me, Wayne, and how good it is to put into words and understand myself better after listening to Sara, you, and Kyle.

I could write you several pages about things that have been enlightening and good for me, but I hope this little testimony will encourage you as you have encouraged me.

That it did. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and how some comments from me helped shape a new trajectory in your life. Sara and I have had this conversation with many others in the last few months.

Something horrible or evil might have happened to you, but that doesn’t make you horrible or evil. Somehow the brain often defines the people by their trauma, especially in young children. I don’t know if that’s the brain on its own or the enemy gets a hand in there, too, but it’s cruel for the victim of abuse to go away from the incident thinking they are bad. It increases the trauma and smears their future.

I get it. The person abusing them has some delight in it, and especially when children are too young to realize what is going on. They have to think they are the problem, not that something horrible is being done to them.

When trauma surfaces, remind yourself that whatever happened to you is in the past and it’s not happening to you now. Don’t let the brokenness of another person define who you are. This is where a conversation between you and Jesus can be really helpful—a conversation that may last for months or years.

We’re talking a lot about restored innocence on this tour, something foreign to many people. After all, shouldn’t we know better? Haven’t we done things we knew were out-of-bounds to God? How can we be innocent when we struggle and fail with sin or trauma?

That’s the miracle of the cross. We are washed, cleansed, and made new by his work so that each morning we wake up in the innocence he gives us, and we can learn to live in that innocence every day. Thus, we can come to God in confidence that we are deeply loved, that he sees us not as damaged goods or co-conspirators in sin, but beloved children who are harassed and helpless against the chaos of a broken creation.

To the Father, you are his beloved child that he wants to redeem for your freedom and joy. Trauma and sin don’t make you less loveable to him but even more endearing. Don’t believe the lie that exempts you from his love and care. It is Father’s greatest desire to rescue you from whatever calamity has befallen you and establish you before him as an innocent, beloved child.

No matter who tells you otherwise, even yourself, consider his words:

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end-
Because I am GOD, your personal God
I paid a huge price for you .
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
“So don’t be afraid: I’m with you.”
(Isaiah 43:1-5 The Message)

On last week’s podcast and today’s at The God Journey, Kyle and I talk about dealing with the long-term effects of unresolved childhood trauma. On my recent trip to North Carolina, a good friend of mine, Dana Andrechyn, shared with me a poem she wrote that captures so well what it is like to run from the pain of the past and then finally find just the right time and space for Jesus to bring healing to your broken heart.

I love this poem. We talk about it more on today’s podcast. I also wanted to print it here for those that wanted a copy.

Allowing My Past to Catch Up to Me

To be out on the open water at sunset
facing backward, shore fading
like the past that I left behind,
we set our present course
into the beauty of the end of the day…
Our speed is slow and gentle enough
to allow my past to catch up to me
its drama unfolding as if it were yesterday—
and instead of looking away, I fixed my gaze there.
(for so long I have just wanted to leave it buried.
but the grave can’t hold living things.)
Set in the midst of the beauty of the setting sun,
and its safe embrace, a softness rises in me
laced with tears, washing my face, my soul
as I remembered the girl I left behind so long ago.
Left her standing there, hands full
of hunger, ache, resentment, shame, loneliness—
hidden from all eyes, especially mine.
To forget her would heal me, I thought,
but the neglect of my own little soul was
just another arrow of abandonment,
piercing my present and my hunger.
But here, now, in this beauty I scoop her up
onto the seat next to me—wrapping my arms around her,
giving her the gift of her voice—her pain, her anger, her tears.
Feeling her youth and the shattering of her innocence.
Remembering how we had to survive by fortressing,
with grit and hardness—armoring up.
We were never thrown a life-line
as we tried to keep our head above water
as best we could.
Today, I pulled her out of those waters
into the lap of my soul and I mothered her.
Saw her. Held her. Held me.
Disarmed.

Dana Andrechyn, July 2020

© Copyright 2022 by Dana Andrechyn.
All rights reserved. Used by permission.

I’m going to let Hilda write my blog today. I received this email from her a few days ago:

I really enjoyed the Urban Mystic podcast you were on. So much of what you said made me sit back quietly and ponder on the ideas. One of those things was “God being on the other side of my brokenness.” It resonates so well with me as this realization is what also changed my life.

I love how Jesus grabbed Peter “at once” when he started to sink. (Matthew 14:31). The accuser’s voice always demands that I reach “perfection” first before receiving God’s approval. What a paradigm shift it is when you realize “He’s got me,” and loves me first. The accuser’s voice does not equal God’s voice.

Thank you for continuously sharing with us your journey with a loving Father. So many times, your voice has helped me to fight the accuser’s voice in some dark moments. I believe this is God’s work and I also know that your sharing words contribute to God’s glory in my life.

The reality of having a performance-driven first part of my life is that I so often find myself a few steps ahead of prayer and ultimately out of sync with Jesus. More than once, I’ve found myself chasing after my well-trained, self-reliant tactics. But, Jesus settled me once again and His words in John 15:5 take on an eternal life-giving meaning: “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”

When I live in that space of confidence—that God is working through the painful circumstances of my life—I live more at rest than when anxiety takes over, and I think I have to “do something” to fix things. I love coming back to that place of recognizing how powerless I am without him, and though he doesn’t always do things the way I want, he has a plan that will work all things for his good and purpose, which will also be to my ultimate blessing.

He’s got this!  It may not look like it. Everything in you might be raging with fear, but he is already on the other side of your pain, inviting you into his rest and joy.

__________________

By the way, the Urban Mystic podcast mentioned above is one of the best interviews I’ve ever been part of because of the depth of the questions being asked by my two South African hosts.  It allowed me to unpack my journey in a way I’ve never done before, especially how God continued to draw me into the reality of his revelations at crucial points in my journey. If you haven’t heard it yet, you might want to listen to it.

At the end of last week, I got a painful email from our friends in Kenya, reporting on the progress of the 300 children who had been abandoned by parents and other relatives on the doorstep of a school they operate in Forkland to help children who would not get an education otherwise.

This is the same school we helped a couple of years ago to drill a new well when their cistern was contaminated, hitting a deep aquifer that provides a bottled water enterprise that has helped them continue to operate. Six months ago, the government required them to buy more land because they had too many children in the school for the size of their facility, and there was available acreage nearby. Due to your generosity, we were able to provide for that purchase.

Last week, officials from Kenya’s health ministry visited after hearing about the kids camped there. There was great concern about so many children sleeping in classrooms. The officer’s advice to their management was, “If God can open a door, you have the land to put up dorms that can divide the children by age.” They are so congested in the school classrooms that there’s a great danger of disease.

Michael, our contact there, wrote, “I believe God may use the Forkland Village orphans to help our government see what is happening to our children.” While they were so thankful for those who supported this community to help run clean water free of charge to help thousands across the community, they also told us that while Forkland had been the leading community for rates of diseases in that region, since they put in the new well, no disease had been reported.”

So, they began to develop a plan for their extra land to include dormitories and a dining hall.

This is what they asked of us:

1. Drilling a new well in Bungoma
2. Monthly food budge
3. Yearly school support for primary kids
4. Four Dormitories
5. Dining hall
6. Kitchen and food store

Total approximately budget: $130,255

I’ll be honest, upon hearing the need, I was overwhelmed. I was already in the middle of a shocking tragedy at home when I returned from my recent trip to the Carolinas. I have decided to take a few weeks away from my regular schedule and responsibilities to give attention to some critical concerns at home. I told God I just couldn’t take this on, not now. “Would you provide for them with as little help as possible for me?”

But these are orphans, right? Abandoned in the world and in desperate need, how could we not be involved? I asked God again to provide a way without me. Two days later, Sara mentioned a friend of ours who has been incredibly helpful in Kenya before. So, I wrote him and shared this new need to see if he could perhaps pick up half the cost.

I heard back the next morning. Not knowing anything of my personal struggle, he and his wife said they wanted to cover the cost of the entire project. They transferred funds that day into our account and we quickly sent them to Kenya.

I called him up and told him how loved I felt by God in the midst of all that was swirling around me. So, this is not an appeal for funds; it’s a celebration of the Lord’s provision for these young children. I’m sure there will be further needs ahead, and I’m grateful for those of you who continue to give, large gifts and small, to help people who are starving on the far side of the world. And people have helped us from all over—Europe, Africa, Australia, joining those in North America.

So grateful. So, so grateful.

Of course, the need won’t end there. So, if any of you want to help with the continuing needs in Kenya, we are still collecting money to send their way. As always, every dollar you send us gets to the people in Kenya, and all contributions are tax-deductible in the US. We do not take out any administrative or money transfer fees. Please see our Donation Page at Lifestream. Just designate “Kenya” in the “Note” of your donation, or email us and let us know your gift is for Kenya. You can also Venmo contributions to @LifestreamMinistries or mail a check to Lifestream Ministries • 1560 Newbury Rd Ste 1  •  Newbury Park, CA 91320. Or, if you prefer, we can take your donation over the phone at (805) 498-7774.

I got this email from a young seminarian who feels called to work within the Methodist church, even beyond the split many anticipate in the next few months. I’m sure others of you would be interested in this exchange:

One of the reasons I wanted to talk to you is because of your view concerning institutions and the challenges they pose in faithfully advancing the life of Christ in the earth.  I am studying for an M.Div. degree at United Theological Seminary, a United Methodist school.  As you probably know, the United Methodists are not exactly united, and are anticipating a split at next year’s General Conference.   After that, there will be a new denomination, the Global Methodist Church, composed of the congregations that make up the traditionalist wing of the denomination.  This is a minority of the Methodist congregations in the United States.  But it is the vast majority of the churches in South America, Asia, and Africa.  I anticipate being ordained in that denomination.

Initially, I was excited about the formation of a movement that could take the powerful legacy of John Wesley and early Methodism and bring it forward into the context of the 21^st century.  However, after observing the ongoing hostility between the various wings of the existing UMC, and the role that politics plays among much of the leadership, I am aware of the possibility that we are going to just end up with another conservative evangelical denomination that is unable to fully shine forth the love of Jesus to a world that is in desperate need of it.

However, I feel called to be where I am, and God has me in the Methodist church for a purpose.  So I’d like to ask you, do you have any hope that large institutions can be redemptive? Is it possible that they can make the need for their own survival secondary to the work of the Gospel? I realize that there is a lot of evidence that would say that the answer to that question is “No.  Once an institution is created, its primary concern is to protect and advance its institutional existence.”  But if they cannot be used fully by Christ, are all of our current denominations and formal ministry networks doomed to failure?  If we cannot create Christ-filled institutions, how do we create large scale works to advance the Kingdom?  Christian schools and colleges, afterschool programs, day care centers, medical clinics, etc. would all seem to require a consolidation of people and resources into a formal organization to implement and sustain their functions.  How do we proceed to enter into large-scale societal challenges otherwise?  I am curious what your thoughts are concerning this.

Living in the freedom of God’s love will make you a better lover of people, but that doesn’t mean everyone will be able to recognize that love.

Instead, some will accuse you of not loving them because you don’t cater to their destructive whims. God knows this well as he lived it himself. Jesus was the perfect embodiment of God’s love to a broken world, and it got him killed by those that wanted to manipulate him and his gifts for their own ends. Love can be freely given, but it will be missed if it doesn’t find a resting place in one being loved.

Since I wrote the blog about Navigating Toxic Relationships, I heard from many of you who are doing exactly that. Friends, family, co-workers, or even a religious leader can become toxic when you become the focus of their unresolved issues or feel they are losing control over their own lives.  They will falsely accuse you and then refuse to talk it through by cutting you off or throwing a tantrum. This is all the more painful when you deeply care for the person involved. I’m always a champion for staying in a relationship as long as you have the grace to endure the cost, hoping and praying for God’s light to win over the lies and anger. However, people caught in such toxicity need to recognize that any attempts to reach out to their attacker will only cause them greater pain and anguish. Loving someone like that from up close can actually drive them further into their pain and delusion.

That’s when it’s best to love from afar as the father does in the Parable of the Prodigal Son. There was nothing he could say to his son that would turn his heart toward home, so he gave his son the distance to savor the consequences of his false conclusions until he came to the end of himself.  Then, he could embrace the affection his father had always had for him.

My heart goes out to those of you suffering through a toxic relationship and wondering every day if you’re doing the right thing in seeking a way to love them. After my blog, one person recommended a book I have found helpful.  It’s called 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life by Bill Eddy. The subtitle is: “Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities.”  His research led him to conclude that ten percent of people are High Conflict Personalities, which are dangerous to engage. They create chaos in pools of relationships by fixating on a Target of Blame to focus their anger and fears.  They will weaponize other relationships you have to seek to marginalize you as the one with “issues.” While they treat everyone else with kindness, they will gossip and attack their victim relentlessly.

You can detect a High Conflict Personality by their persistent anger and gossip, always blaming someone else for whatever goes wrong, and will refuse to have a reasoned conversation to resolve their concerns. He recommends doing everything you can not to become their Target of Blame, and if you do, not confronting them for it will only escalate their anger.  It’s best, he suggests, to stay away from such the person targeting you. Yes, that’s easier said than done, but it is fruitless to try to love someone up close who perceives that love as a threat. When that happens, you need to withdraw for their good as well as your own.

I know that is hard to do, but you’re not responsible for those who cannot receive love from you. There’s no one better to share this with than God, whose love is also missed by those who are so locked in their pain they cannot see his love. You can love them from afar and hold them in your heart to see if they can come to the end of themselves and be open again to love. Most of these High Conflict Personalities are reacting to unresolved pain and trauma in their own lives. Targeting others is only a really bad coping mechanism to alleviate their own fear or pain.  By taking yourself out of the way, they will more quickly come to see that the problem is not the person they are blaming but the brokenness in their own soul. They merit our compassion, not our judgment. At the same time, however, we can recognize our limitations in our ability to express love to them.

Here are some of my highlights from that book I found helpful:

You can trust 80 to 90 percent of people to be who they say they are; to do what they say they’ll do; and to follow most of the social rules that help us live together. But the people we’re concerned with are the 10 percent—the one person in ten—who has a Target of Blame and a personality disorder. These are the people who are so fixated on their Targets that they can’t let go, can’t stop themselves, can’t change and therefore can ruin lives—including yours.

It’s the combination of someone having a high-conflict personality (people who have Targets of Blame) and a personality disorder (those who never reflect on their own behavior nor try to change it) that creates a human being who can ruin your life. That combination is the subject we’ll explore together.

There are five types of people who can ruin your life. They can ruin your reputation, your self-esteem, or your career. They can destroy your finances, your physical health, or your sanity. Some of them will kill you, if you give them the opportunity. They usually do this by focusing on Targets of Blame, whom they mercilessly attack—verbally, emotionally, financially, reputationally, litigiously, and sometimes violently—often for months or years, even if the initial conflict was minor. Their Targets of Blame are usually someone close (a coworker, neighbor, friend, partner, or family member) or someone in a position of authority.

The author breaks these High Conflict Personalities (HCP) into five types:

• Narcissistic HCPs: They often seem very charming at first but believe they are hugely superior to others. They insult, humiliate, mislead, and lack empathy for their Targets of Blame. They also demand constant undeserved respect and attention from everyone.
• Borderline HCPs: They often start out extremely friendly—but they can suddenly and unpredictably shift into being extremely angry. When this shift occurs, they may seek revenge for minor or nonexistent slights. They may launch vicious attacks against their Targets of Blame that involve physical violence, verbal abuse, legal action, or attempts to destroy their Targets’ reputations.
• Antisocial (or Sociopathic) HCPs: They can be extremely charismatic—but their charm is a cover for their drive to dominate others through lying, stealing, publicly humiliating people, physically injuring them, and—in extreme cases—murdering them. They want what they want and they want it now. If you stand in their way, they will push you aside, or destroy your reputation, or even kill you to get what they want. They lack remorse, and some enjoy hurting people. In this regard, they are different from the other personalities who will ruin your life, but don’t harm you on purpose. Antisocial HCPs are driven by a need for dominance, and may ruin your life just to give themselves a sense of control over someone. They will talk fast and lie to your face so convincingly that you will second-guess your own instincts. Antisocial HCPs are remorseless and are said to have no conscience. 
• Paranoid HCPs: They are deeply suspicious and constantly fear betrayal. Because they imagine conspiracies against them, they will launch preemptive attacks against their Targets of Blame, hoping to harm them first.
• Histrionic HCPs: They can have very dramatic and exciting personalities. They often tell wild and extreme stories (which are sometimes totally false). Over time, they can be very harmful and emotionally draining to those around them, especially their Targets of Blame.

Not every bump in a relationship ought to be blamed on these things. Only ten percent of people are high conflict personalities, and they usually have only one or two Targets of Blame.  Fortunately, this isn’t an everyday occurrence, nor does everyone become a Target of Blame. Just keep your eyes open and remember that you cannot force someone to be loved. Sometimes loving well is giving someone the distance to come to the end of themselves and turn from their destructive ways to embrace the love they already have.

Yes, Sara and I are reading my new devotional book together, and though it feels a bit weird, we are enjoying how God is freshening in our hearts those realities he’s been inviting us to embrace for over twenty-five years.  This is from June 26, a reminder that following him is the only way to discover what our hearts long for most.  We are so easily distracted by the manipulations of others or the lure of following another human rather than him. Following him is the way to fullness and the church he is gathering from all over the world.

I know that the closer you follow me the *lonelier it seems.

You even think at times that I abandoned you and you withdrew into your fears. But even there, I am with you, calling you outside of yourself to come into the freedom of being my child and to join your heart with others in my flock that live for no other.

You’ve been called arrogant, independent, and unsubmitted, not by those who knew my heart, but by those who wanted you to conform to their way of doing things. They can’t see my flock beyond their own way of organizing it. If you only knew how many people I have scattered all over the world, you would rejoice that you’re not alone.

Some of those live just down the block from you or work alongside you. I know that you don’t know them yet, but you do understand the passion that courses through their veins and their desire to connect with people who share it.

I am the shepherd of all my sheep and I am not only inviting you to follow me as an individual, I am gathering my flock together from the ends of the earth—not in human systems devouring your time and energy, but in the joy of healthy friendships.

No man will own it and no system will replicate what I am building between my people. Resist the temptation to follow models devised by men that will always fail.

They too will listen to my voice, and there shall be one flock and one shepherd.
John 10:16 (NIV)

Taken from The Call of the Shepherd, a blog Wayne wrote in May of 2004 as if giving voice to Jesus’ heart for his church. You can read the whole thing here.

Get your copy of Live Loved Free Full.

__________

*Interestingly enough, I had this quote in my inbox yesterday from The Daily Dig about loneliness and the work of God on earth.  Though I’m not feeling lonely these days, I know for others who have yet to connect with people who are leaning into the life of the Shepherd, there can be some lonely moments. Hopefully, this will encourage you.  I love it.  And I’m going to have to dig in and read The Brothers Karamazov someday.  I have yet to do it.

Believe to the End

Fyodor Dostoyevsky

If everyone abandons you and even drives you away by force, then when you are left alone fall on the earth and kiss it, water it with your tears, and it will bring forth fruit even though no one has seen or heard you in your solitude. Believe to the end, even if all people went astray and you were left the only one faithful; bring your offering even then and praise God in your loneliness. And if two of you are gathered together – then there is a whole world, a world of living love. Embrace each other tenderly and praise God, for, if only in you two, his truth has been fulfilled.

Source: The Brothers Karamazov

I doubt few people enjoyed the COVID stay-at-home orders more than I did. After twenty-five years of constant travel, it was a joy to be home with Sara for such a prolonged period as well as to work on some projects that were on my heart—the My Friend Luis podcast, a new daily devotional Live Loved Free Full, the A Breath of Fresh Air encouragements, and The Jesus Story, an adaptation of The Jesus Lens for kids. I’ve had numerous incredible engagements via Zoom with individuals and small groups for prayer, discovery, and insight into Father’s work in the world.  It has been both a restful and a fruitful season, and my heart has been re-shaped in so many ways and re-staged for what’s ahead.

The God Journey continued to allow me to explore many of the themes that continue to grow in my heart and mind—helping people live loved, recognizing and responding to Father’s work in their own hearts to overturn their illusions so they can more freely walk in his love and discover the joy of laying down their lives in a hostile world.

Now, I sense it’s time to take wing again, literally, traveling to places where God wants me to encourage his people to lean into his glory. As we come to rely on his love, it will allow us to see the truth of what’s going on inside of us and around us so that we can be part of his unfolding glory in the world and love well those he’s inviting us to engage.  So, this fall, I’ll begin traveling for a season as I sense God leading me to serve his purpose in the world.

In the last few months, I’ve sensed a freshening wind of the Spirit to help a new generation experience the joy of living outside the bondage of religious obligation and shame, to discover how to be sensitive to God’s Spirit and direction in the real circumstances of everyday life. I want to continue to have conversations that matter with people who care, whether that be in homes, outdoors, retreat centers, fellowship halls, or other places we can gather. I don’t do a lot of that by teaching seminars but by hanging out over a few days with people who want to explore what it means to walk alongside the Risen Christ.

God’s glory is rising again in those who wish to live untainted by religious obligation and free to follow the Lamb wherever he goes. While this will engage a younger generation, I’m also excited about exploring how more seasoned saints can be cheerleaders in this process by encouraging younger ones without seeking to control or monetize what God is doing. How can we be in tune with God’s work in the world and embrace the divine community God is stitching together around us?

I have a host of pre-COVID invitations, but I’m laying those aside to see what fresh direction God has for days to come. So, don’t assume I’ll follow up on an old invitation. If you even have an inkling that God might want to put something together where you live, please get in touch with me so we can pray and listen. Some of the places God wants me to go involve younger people who have never planned this kind of thing before and might be afraid to do it. Be courageous, and see what God might do.

What does it take for me to come? Not much! We simply need a shared sense that God has something in mind where you are, a place to hang out with people for a few days, and a pocket of people there who want to explore together what it means to live in love, at rest, and at play in the Father’s presence as we follow his leading. I have always traveled at my own expense, so finances are never an issue. If people inviting me can help share in those expenses, that’s always a bonus. If not, Father has other ways to provide for what he wants to do.

I have a few things to take care of at home this summer, but toward the end of August and beyond, I’m going to see where Father wants to take me.  First, I’m going to circle back to a few invitations I had to cancel when the pandemic hit and see if there’s still a desire for me to come.  I’m looking at you, Michigan, Wichita, Miami, and Oklahoma City.  Beyond that, I already have fresh invitations to Virginia and Maryland when I start traveling again.

If you’re in those areas, or someplace altogether different, with a desire on your heart to get some people together and explore the life lived in love and at the pleasure and power of his Spirit, let me know. And, if you want to connect with me if I’m ever in your area, you can sign up for Travel Notifications here. You’ll receive an email if I’m coming within a couple of hundred miles of where you live.

The people I’ve met around the world have greatly enriched my life and my journey. I learn so much from other people’s stories and the struggles they have endured. I’m looking forward to seeing what this next chapter looks like and how God’s glory will continue to rise in the world.

I had an interesting experience the other day that still leaves me tickled and touched.

The photo above was taken in the men’s restroom at a gas station off of the Wheeler Ridge exit of Hwy 99. I was returning from a trip to visit my dad in the hospital shortly after he had a fractured hip repaired with a number of other things on my plate.  Driving back I was reflecting on my dad’s pain at nearly 96 and what might be the best options moving forward. I stopped at that exit to get some gas and make a visit to the restroom.

There in front of me at chest height was the plumbing fixture you see above. The letters seemed to jump off the metal, “Arek.”  I’ve never seen that name anywhere except in a book written by a long-time friend of mine. I’ve been coaching her on the manuscript and the publishing process because I think she has a gift and her book is a great read. Some people say it’s Bourne Identity meets Hunger Games. It’s the story of a young woman discovering that who she thinks she is and who she really is are vastly different realities and it takes her on a  roller-coaster ride of conflict as she fights for her life.

The lead male character is named Arek. He’s a mysterious presence, to say the least, and in the early part of the book seems to live in the shadows. Here I am in the middle of nowhere, stopping for a quick break and right in front of me, at THAT urinal is the unique name of THAT character. I’ve only known Arek in the pages of a book, seeing his name out here in the wild was a weird moment. It made me smile and almost laugh out loud, which is something I don’t recommend in a public restroom.

Wow!  Just wow!  For the next few miles, it was all I could think about. How could that have happened? I suspected it was God’s way of letting me know that he was pleased by the help I was giving this childhood friend of my daughter’s and that this might all be part of a bigger plan than I was aware. I love moments like that when God plays on the fringes of my journey. He’s done it in song lyrics playing in the background at a store, or in a random comment overheard from a passerby, or even in a line in a novel or article. Each seems like divine confirmation that I’m on the right track, like the occasional tree mark on a mountain trail or a cairn beside it. And I suspect he was signaling that not only for this young woman I’ve been helping but also for my father’s situation as well. I sensed his pleasure and my heart was warmed by a divine wink, “I love you, Kid.  Keep going down this road.”

I know Jesus said it was an evil and adulterous generation that seeks after a sign. I never seek signs anymore because it proved a fruitless pastime. But that doesn’t mean he won’t wink at us from time to time to let us know we’re right where he wants us to be.  I’m sure I’ve missed a million of these for every one I have noticed. When I see them though I pause to take note and enjoy how God can be so playful in such subtle ways. I don’t chalk them up to mere coincidence, not when they are that dramatic.

The book with Arek and Willow in it will be released on June 15. It’s called Out of the Shadows and is the first of a three-part trilogy that I think many of you will enjoy, especially if you like mysteries and intense action. The author is Tessa Van Wade. She’ll be on a podcast soon so you can meet her. You’ll love the passion that fills her heart and how this story can help you walk out of the shadows of lies and illusions and embrace the true identity Father sees in you.  I’ll be sharing more about it up the road, but I do hope you get to meet Tessa, at least virtually and enjoy this amazing story that’s spilling out of her heart. You can see a trailer for the book here and pre-order it from Amazon here.

Spring Newsletter 2021

Playfulness is not the first thing people think of when they think of the Creator of the universe. Our religious interpretations of him often paint him as an austere, angry, or even terrifying presence. Such views help keep the people fearful instead of faithful, which makes them easier to manipulate.

But how can that be an accurate portrayal of the God who made giraffes and hummingbirds, octopi and penguins, even sex, not have a pretty vibrant sense of humor?

Isn’t the playfulness of joy and laughter one of our most treasured human experiences? It draws our attention when children are shrieking with delight or when a conversation erupts in laughter. Wouldn’t these things be closer to the innocence of Creation than the despair and fear our more adult anxieties drag us into?

If you’ve been reading my blog of late or listening to the podcasts, you’ll recognize that Romans 8:19-21 had been close to my heart these days.

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

While contemplating this Scripture, having recently visited the burn scar of a large wildfire, I sensed his Spirit whisper in my heart, “It’s time.”  My whole being shook with what I assumed was the same eager expectation the creation experiences. It’s time for the sons and daughters of God to be revealed on the earth. I don’t have a clue if this is that final, end-of-days revelation of his children. Still, I did sense in the wasteland of our virus-devastated, politically divided, and depression-rampant culture he wants to reveal himself more graphically in those who have come to rest in his love and express the joy of his delight.

Can you imagine how much a playful heart would stand out in this season of high anxiety and despair?  And by playful, I don’t mean frivolous or flippant, but one who has found a different source of life that transcends the events surrounding them. You know the kind, one who remains lighthearted even in the face of stress and expresses the kind of humor helpful in opening doors to people weighed down by the world.

Truly, God is the most playful presence I’ve ever encountered. Oh, there are times when he is somber and severe, that’s true. Truth can hurt. Jesus sweated great drops of blood in Gethsemane, and Paul reminded many of those who came to faith during his first missionary journey that it is through suffering that we often enter the kingdom. But that doesn’t discount the power of play, especially in our relationship with God and in times of extremity.

As a dad with his young son or daughter, God is playful, too. Some of the funniest thoughts I’ve ever had have come from him. I’ve often laughed out loud at an observation that completely flips how I am looking at a situation. Jesus often played with his disciples, whether it was calming a storm that scared them or telling them how easy it is to ignore the log stuck in their own eye while trying to plucking out a speck of sawdust in someone else’s. I love his playfulness with the Syrophoenician woman who reminded him that even the dogs get the crumbs from the master’s table.

People who are playful with God don’t trivialize him. It’s all the more glorious when it’s with the Transcendent God of the universe. It keeps us lighthearted even in the midst of struggle and brings the laughter that is a medicine for the heart. People who know God this way don’t fall into the perfectionist tone of an expert, but even though they haven’t figured it all out, they are confident in the One who does.

We took a lot of criticism for how playful Papa was in The Shack. Many complained that we didn’t give God his reverence, especially when he spills the pancake batter or tells Mack that he’s “messing with him.” Playfulness was Papa’s doorway into Mack’s great sadness. He wasn’t making light of his pain but finding a way through it to transform his heart and to unmask the lies of darkness that held him captive.

Sadly, so much of religion teaches us the opposite. Instead of lightheartedness, it weighs us down with shame and fear. Instead of helping us learn to rest in God’s work, it pushes us to try harder and do more for God. No wonder religion is so exhausting and so unfruitful. Learning to play with our Father is where we hear him best and are most free to respond to his desires for us. I suspect Father’s playfulness has a lot to do with keeping our hearts at rest in him, especially when circumstances can be so challenging around us. Lightness is not the way to avoid our pain but to transit through it to greater transformation and fruitfulness on the other side.

I’m convinced that this is the revelation of God in his children for which creation eagerly awaits. As you come to rest in his love, you too will discover how playful this God can be and why childlikeness is the attribute Jesus identified as most helpful to us in exploring his kingdom. If you haven’t discovered that yet, talk to him about it. Ask him to teach you and lean into those spaces where you can stake your trust in his love and how that can set you at rest in him.

As important as this is for all of us, I sense God is wanting to breathe this reality into a new generation of younger men and women who have been disillusioned and disappointed by religion and have yet to know how real and wonderful God is. He’s calling to them even now and those who respond will become a contagion for his love.

I am excited to see what the coming weeks and months might bring as God reveals himself in his creation. As I’ve begun sharing this, I have heard from so many others that say they have had similar insights about God making himself known through love, rest, and play.  This is not our work to do; it is his work in us.  Yield to him as best you see and watch what he will unfold.

Lifestream Updates

My Friend Luis
If you’re not listening yet to our newest limited-series podcast about my friendship with a man who came to America over the wall when he was twenty-one, you might want to jump in. Raphael is a recurring character in Luis’s childhood who seems to be an angel taking care of Luis through some horrendous circumstances. Just as I put the finishing touches on the last episode, Raphael returned and spent some time with Luis. He hadn’t seen him in over 30 years and what they share becomes the perfect conclusion to our podcast. So, we’re going to have to add an episode or two to our original plan to tell this part of the story.

Live Loved Free Full
Do you want some encouragement each day to lean into more relational space with God so that you can connect with his heart and learn to live in his love? Wayne wrote his latest book for you. It’s a daily devotional with 365 reflections to help tune your heart to Father’s frequency and allow your perception of him to grow.  If you haven’t got your copy, you can get it here.

Don’t Miss These
The trajectory of my heart has been shifting over the past couple of months, and if you want to know what that’s looking like, don’t miss these episodes of The God Journey:

• Settled in His Spirit #796
• Gaze With Me #792
• And you might want to read this blog:  It’s Time

Future Travel
I am in Amarillo, TX today as my first trip since the pandemic started. I meet with a college today and with Christ-followers tomorrow.  I’m not sure how fast or how soon I’ll plan other travel. I do have a couple of make-up trips for some that were canceled; then we’ll see what God has from there. If you’re hoping to put something together as this pandemic seems to wind down, please let me know.