Living Loved Is Real!

The email below is one of the best I’ve received because I know it comes out of real struggle and pain and into a reality that is available to all of us.

I started corresponding with Amy this summer, first over a crisis that happened at work, and then with trouble in her marriage. In her first email, she signed off  ‘Confused,’ in her second, ‘Heartbroken and Stunned.’ It has been an amazing eight months for her, but through it all, Jesus helped her discover the life that is life:

After telling me he no longer loves me, my husband left me in September of last year, and we are still separated. The last several months (8 months since he told me he no longer believes in God, 5 months since he left me) have been the most excruciatingly painful, yet spectacularly amazing, months I ever could have imagined. The freedom you talk and write about…it’s real.

I took your book He Loves Me! on a whim from the library at the church my husband and I were attending several years ago. I brought it home but never opened it…until June 24, 2018, when my world came crashing down around me. Since then, I have read it at least seven times and have sent 8 copies to friends and family members. Father is using that little book to change the lives of many, Wayne, and I’m so grateful to be one of the “many”.

There have been many moments since last June when I have wondered if “living loved” was a pipe dream. Now I know that it is not. I come from a family of Pharisees, albeit very well-intentioned ones, and the re-wiring of my understanding about God has been intensely difficult. I have experienced more heartache, more uncertainty, more insecurity, more fear…more confidence, more peace, more love, more safety, more hope…than I ever dreamed was possible. My husband claims unerringly that he is “done” with us and that there is no hope for our restoration. This from a man who treated me for sixteen years like every woman longs to be treated by her husband.

And yet, I am not destroyed by his certain distaste for me. While I can attest to the fact that emotions are extremely fickle creatures (and I certainly have run the gamut of them) I also can attest to the fact that the confidence, peace, and freedom that come from living in Father’s affection make it possible for me to rest in Him, in spite of my circumstances. I feel as if I’m living in a pocket of impenetrable grace.

I cannot thank you enough for sharing with the world, the God of love. My life and that of my Pharisaic family has been forever changed by this monumental truth—that God loves us and desires an actual relationship with us. I no longer am afraid of Him or regard Him as mean and spiteful, eager to destroy the very people He created. I no longer (even subconsciously) think I have to “earn” His affection or approval.

Ironically, since I stopped “trying” to produce fruit and started living in the certainty of His affection for me, I am shocked at the fruit HE is producing!!! WOW! Who’d have thought?!? I only wish that I could go back in time and know Him like this from the beginning. Perhaps then I would have known how to love my husband the way God wants him to be loved. Regardless, I am learning to surrender even that to His capable hands. He is completely trustworthy; of this I am certain.

God bless you, brother. I hope I meet you in person one day to thank you for showing me the way to the real Jesus.

I love that. He is real, especially in the darkest places. This life in Christ can help us overcome any wicked curveballs this world may throw at us and draw us into the fullness of his joy and hold us there.

To do that, however, we have to give up our agenda and expectations for the outcome we desire. When we pray for the result we want, It’s easy to grow disappointed when God doesn’t do it, or even begin to doubt that he loves us at all. That could have happened here. Amy could have spent the last five months begging God to bring her husband back and feeling unloved when he didn’t. I’m sure she asked, but when it didn’t happen, she discovered a love that was bigger than the outcome she wanted.

God won’t make her husband come back against his will; he isn’t like that. Isn’t it glorious that our peace and security don’t rest in the circumstance we want, but in the Father who loves us more than anyone on this planet ever has or ever will?

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12 Comments
  1. Travis B. February 26, 2019 at 1:29 pm

    I’ve got that book and am getting ready to read it. I’ve heard nothing but good things about it, and am so inspired by this leter. I’m so sorry she’s going through this, and hope there will be some sort of reconcilliation between the two of them, even if it just needs to be forgiveness and friendship, instead of marriage. Thoughts and prayers for her and her family. Bless you all. – Travis

  2. Christine Revere February 26, 2019 at 4:36 pm

    Powerful testimony about a powerful book. Have read it twice but need a re-read. His love is never based on our circumstances. Thanks Wayne and thanks Amy!

  3. James Hodges February 26, 2019 at 4:41 pm

    Back in 2016, I entered into a darkness I’ve never encountered before. It is similar to what Amy encountered. I had already read ‘He Loves Me’ and other writings from Wayne prior to this happening to me. It was the foundation of those writings that Father used to apply in my life and knowing there is a bigger picture beyond the pain. Thank you Wayne for allowing yourself to be used by Father to edify his children and thanks to Amy for sharing this experience in her journey.

  4. Wayne Jacobsen February 26, 2019 at 4:56 pm

    Haven’t we all been through this in some form or another? That’s why Father’s love has to move from a principle we try to believe in, to a reality he lets us know. When he scoops us up in his arms and holds us in the darkness, then we can be at rest in his love even when circumstances don’t turn out the way we wanted, or even the way we think God would want them. He’s dealing with a lot of factors, the brokenness of this world, the will of other people, even the influence of this moment on future circumstances we know nothing about.

  5. Tobie van der Westhuizen February 27, 2019 at 8:16 am

    This testimony is magnificent beyond description. Thank you.

  6. Betty February 27, 2019 at 1:18 pm

    I love how God can turn the worst time in our life to the greatest blessing! So thankful for His love!

  7. Danie Du Plessis February 28, 2019 at 1:35 am

    I am blessed by your testimony Amy, thank you for sharing.
    I love your comment …”Ironically, since I stopped “trying” to produce fruit and started living in the certainty of His affection for me,…”
    I had the same experience after reading “He Loves me” and every time I read in the book I discover more liberating truths that sets me free to live in the affection of the Father.
    My best friend and mentor is dying at this moment. To me she was the one who held me up in the very dark days of my life, and now she will soon depart to be with the Lord. I am sad but perhaps it is time for me to surrender and allow Father to scoop me up in His arms and to hold me and to be at rest in his love as Wayne says.
    Daniel du Plessis

  8. Len March 6, 2019 at 7:44 pm

    I love this young woman’s email and how it encapsulates her process of moving from darkness and pain into light and our Father’s love and affection. “A pocket of impenetrable grace”…. a perfect description!

  9. Lucia del Carmen Berengo March 12, 2019 at 2:41 pm

    He leido tu libro Wayne,y ha sido una bendición y preparación a lo que iba a vivir…puedo decir que Su amor me sostuvo en el tiempo mas difícil que me toco vivir…no estaba preparada para perder a mi compañero de 47 años de matrimonio…entro a quirófano y todos,amigos y familia, lo esperabamos para continuar la vida,y salieron para decirme que no me daban esperanza de vida para en un rato decirme que no pudierón salvarlo…todo el futuro juntos desaparecio!…me quedaba con un hijo con discapacidad en lo mental sin poder trabajar para cuidarlo y sin vivienda,ya que no podía pagar el alquiler…solo me sostuvo Su amor!…ya hace mas de seis meses…puedo alabar a Dios y amarlo mas profundamente que antes que quedará sola con mi hijo!todos los días compruebo cuan amada soy en medio de todas las luchas que enfrento!…en este tiempo El proveyo un grupo que me brindan comunión y podemos caminar con sencillez la vida que nos otorgo el Señor!…tengo mucho que enfrentar pero amada por El estoy segura!!!

    Google Translate:

    I have read your book Wayne, and it has been a blessing and preparation for what I was going to live … I can say that His love sustained me in the most difficult time that I have to live … I was not prepared to lose my companion 47 years of marriage … I enter the operating room and everyone, friends and family, we waited for him to continue life, and they went out to tell me that they did not give me hope of life to tell me in a while that they could not save him … all the future together I disappeared! … I was left with a mentally disabled child without being able to work to take care of it and without a home, since I could not pay the rent … I was only sustained by His love! … more than six months ago … I can praise God and love him more deeply than before he will be alone with my son! Every day I see how loved I am in the midst of all the struggles I face! … at this time He provided a group that would give me communion and we can walk with simplicity the life that the Lord granted us! … I have a lot to face but mada por El I’m sure !!!

    • Wayne Jacobsen March 12, 2019 at 2:46 pm

      Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with us. Life can deal some very brutal challenges for us. I’ sorry your husband died and you’ve had to care for your child alone. I’m glad to hear Father’s grace and provision have been more than sufficient. May he continue to support you in all things and his love in you, more real than any challenge outside of you.

  10. Travis B. March 12, 2019 at 4:09 pm

    <3

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