Loved Into a New Sexuality

By Brenda

I listened to your podcast on ‘Where is the Power?’ and wanted to share some of my thoughts. I really do appreciate your emphasis on relationship. It’s been the place of deepest wounding in my life and the deepest healing. The healing, as you guys know, is in the love relationship with the God of the universe.

As a result of several factors, I was involved in homosexual thoughts, feelings, and relationships from my early years. Mostly, it was hell in the hallway. It was hell in the whole house in one adult relationship, with stalking and harassment and physical and emotional abuse that resulted in the need for legal protection. However, those things are not the reason I no longer relate homosexually. I no longer relate homosexually because Abba loved me right out of those ways.

I have a very wise friend who said once that God uses everything to bring us to himself because he loves us so much. She was so right. He has used my own circumstances, deliverance, inner healing, worship, prophecy, sermons, books, a few longsuffering friends, the scriptures, spiritual warfare, journaling, etc., etc., to heal me. Even with the ‘power’ gifts, it is interesting how he used the nature of relationship, not the manifestation of the power itself, to bring about the healing.

Mostly, though, he just loved me to himself. He wooed me, chastised me, laughed with me and cried with me, he never let me go. He convinced me of his love for me in the trenches and there in the depths of my being, I received it. In the midst of all this, he began to change my desires. This, too, was hell in the hallway. Deep betrayal of trust and emotional wounding does not easily lend itself to unfailing love, transforming power. How grateful I am for a Father who suffered long and hard to convince me of his love!

It’s been many years since Abba began his loving transformation of my heart; I’m a few years shy of 50 and am always amazed when I reflect on the difference in my life now. What I see is that the love of God IS the power. I have full-on accepted this love; it sustains me daily. Though sometimes I fail in loving others the way he loves me, I never worry if Father still loves me because I failed (in that or in anything else, for that matter).

He continues to prove to me that no matter what life brings, he is with me in it, loving me through it. I am so blessed that I am my Beloved’s and he is mine.

“Where is the Power?” It’s in his love. Mhhm. Oh, yeah.

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