Our Cancer Journey
This month is Multiple Myeloma Awareness Month, which is the cancer I was diagnosed with seventeen months ago. It’s an opportunity to raise awareness and funds for research for all those battling this disease. I have six friends around the world who are currently dealing with it as well. On Saturday, March 21, which also happens to be my birthday, Sara and I, along with other family members and neighbors, will be participating in the International Myeloma Foundation’s Miracles for Myeloma 5K Run/Walk in Griffith Park in Los Angeles.
We’ve already raised almost $1500 in support of our walk, to help find a cure for the many people who live with this disease. Over 176,000 new cases are diagnosed every year, and sadly, it is two times more prevalent in people of African descent. It’s the second most common blood cancer. Bone marrow creates plasma cells that make antibodies, which play an important role in fighting off viruses and bacteria. Multiple myeloma (MM) causes the bone marrow to create dysfunctional antibodies and plasma cells. These myeloma cells are abnormal and divide uncontrollably, leading to the overproduction of dysfunctional antibodies and crowding out healthy blood cells. MM affects the places where bone marrow is active in an adult. Most common sites include the bones of the spine, skull, pelvis, rib cage, and the areas around the shoulders and hips.
As of now, there is no cure for this disease, though 97 drugs/treatments have been approved by the FDA for dealing with it at various stages. Scientists, however, are hopeful that a cure may be around some future corner. I know many people hold suspicions of the medical community and “big pharma,” and while our health system is broken in so many ways, I am grateful for the amazing people who do research and treatment for all kinds of diseases, including this one.
My MM was discovered when it attacked a vertebra in my back. I had back surgery to insert a titanium cage where the vertebra had decomposed, and then had it fused in place. I began chemotherapy before I left the hospital. I’ve been fortunate since my myeloma is in deep remission now, and the side effects from the drugs I take are minimal—more annoying than debilitating. I know people who were diagnosed with MM and passed away within a few months. I know others who are still alive after two decades with the disease. So, it is unpredictable, but Sara and I are confident that I will be alive as long as Father wants me to draw breath in this world. Then, I will find myself face-to-face with him. So while that may create sorrow for people here, I can’t wait to find out what lies beyond my last breath here. How will God’s love and justice play out in the age to come? I’m excited to find out someday, but all in its time.
As of now, I have not had one day of fear living with this disease. It is certainly inconvenient, but so are a lot of things in life. Jesus has been inside of it with Sara and me since the beginning. Will he heal it someday? I don’t know; that would be great. I have talked with him about it, as have many others, but he hasn’t moved that way yet. I’m not among those who feel like God owes us all a healing in this life if we’ll just pray in the right way or believe enough. I believe in a God who heals, and I’ve seen him do it. It is rare and special when he does, and I can’t figure out any pattern behind it. So, I stay open to it, but it is not the driving force of my prayers. And I don’t pray for healing for myself with any greater fervency than I pray for my six friends who share it with me. We are all in God’s hands, and I’m content to be there. At my age, I may die of something else before the MM gets me anyway.
I am learning a lot by negotiating this disease and its treatment. I find it softens my heart and makes me more aware of him and others. If you want to share a journey with someone through a disease like this, don’t just pray for healing, as much as that is appreciated. You can also walk with them through the uncertainty and discomfort, with an eye to how Jesus is redeeming my heart in the midst of this chaos and pain. I notice not many people know how to hold a place of need with someone if God doesn’t fix it. That’s all they know to pray for, when there are so many ways to be inside pain with people, encouraging them as well as sharing in the wisdom that comes through such times. A better question to ask than “How are you doing?” may be, “How is Jesus showing up in this for you?” Presence and comfort are everything; you don’t need to fret over the right words to try to fix the unfixable.
And, please don’t pressure anyone to try alternative treatments or homeopathic remedies with testimonials of how they healed your cousin Jess. I know people mean well, but most people have those around them whom they trust to help seek the best treatment options. Chasing the mysterious cure through a special clinic or prayer technique is often expensive and exhausting.
If you were with me today, you wouldn’t see any visible signs that I’m dealing with cancer. I am outwardly as healthy as I was before back surgery. I work out, walk three miles a day, play golf weekly, and have resumed all of my normal activities. So, I don’t talk about my cancer much, nor do I want to. There is so much more going on in my life that I’m excited to share, as well as finding out more about whoever I am with. I am beginning to travel a bit again to spend time helping people explore what it means to “live loved.” I enjoy having conversations that matter with people who care and will go wherever Father sends me. In fact, Tobie and I are looking for some place in the eastern half of the U.S. to hold a weekend talking together about the themes of Just Love, and how people can yield to love’s desire to make them as aware of the needs of others as they are of their own. If you are willing to host such a gathering near you, please let me know.
We have so much to be thankful for as Sara and I walk through this season of our lives with Jesus at our side. Sara continues her recovery from trauma, and though we’re not talking publicly about it these days, she is continuing to do the courageous work to put this trauma and its effects behind her. We are pleased with her progress, even if the journey exhausts her some days.
Thank you for all the prayers, emails, and support that many of you have sent our way. We are grateful for every one of them.
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid.
The LORD, the LORD himself, is my strength
and my defense; he has become my salvation. ”
With joy you will draw water
from the wells of salvation.
Isaiah 12:2
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And don’t forget, if you’d like to discuss this book with me (and perhaps Tobie as well), even if you haven’t read it yet, I’m going to be in a Zoom Room this Sunday morning, March 15, at 9:30 a.m. Pacific Daylight Time. You’re welcome to bring your questions and comments, even if you haven’t yet finished reading the book. If you want to join us, email me for a link.